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#392035 - 04/03/12 09:51 AM Re: The shame and guilt of turning tricks [Re: lapchinj]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3493
Loc: somewhere in Africa
What Obi said!!!
YES,YES,YES.
Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#392042 - 04/03/12 10:28 AM Re: The shame and guilt of turning tricks [Re: traveler]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1237
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/16/13 10:14 PM)
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#392043 - 04/03/12 10:36 AM Re: The shame and guilt of turning tricks [Re: lapchinj]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1237
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/16/13 10:14 PM)
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#392050 - 04/03/12 12:02 PM Re: The shame and guilt of turning tricks [Re: lapchinj]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Jeff

Yep, I was kinda' hopin' nobody would notice how long it took. Not good. I wandered a lot of the time. I actually seemed to be getting worse for awhile.

That was the bad part. The good part is: I made rapid progress during some treatments: Light hypnotherapy helped with my dissociative disorder. Problem was I quit before it was through. EMDR helped a great deal and I made fast progress there. I had to have a bunch of talk therapy because I needed to find out who I was. I had to learn how to relate to people. Reading helped a lot. Finally, viewing movies relating to my self-concept helped a lot.

I had huge problems. The fact that I couldn't talk for several years as a young teen should signal the immensity of what I was dealing with.

I lacked someone to guide me through all that.

I'm about half way through the book: Nice To Meet Me. That book talks about a guy's journey through healing from child sexual abuse. I think that reading it would help someone move faster. I like this book a whole lot. It is by Chris (BuryingJack).

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=381860

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=380279

Allen



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#392060 - 04/03/12 12:56 PM Re: The shame and guilt of turning tricks [Re: lapchinj]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: lapchinj

I would love it if you could find those books.



Reframe Your Life: Transforming Your Pain Into Purpose, by Steve Arterburn

http://www.amazon.com/Reframe-Your-Life-Transforming-Purpose/dp/0446580333/

Bad Childhood, Good Life, Blossom and Thrive In Spite of an Unhappy Childhood. By Laura Schlessinger.

http://www.amazon.com/Bad-Childhood---Good-Life-Blossom-Childhood/dp/0060577878/

The following books are by John Bradshaw:

http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Shame-Binds-Recovery-Classics/dp/0757303234/

As far as I can tell, most of the guys who were seriously abused, and this includes me, had a troubled family life in growing up. John Bradshaw helped me to think about troubled family relationships. Understanding turns the key in the lock.

http://www.amazon.com/Bradshaw-On-Family-Creating-Self-Esteem/dp/1558744274/

http://www.amazon.com/Family-Secrets-Path-Self-Acceptance-Reunion/dp/0553374982/

Allen (Puffer)





Edited by pufferfish (04/03/12 12:58 PM)

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#392066 - 04/03/12 01:47 PM Re: The shame and guilt of turning tricks [Re: lapchinj]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Originally Posted By: lapchinj
Hey Phoenix,

It's burned into my brain so it's not that disposable. Besides I still want some of it.

Peace, Rainbows & healing
Jeff


Jeff,

I know I missed the discussion after page one. Despite it being burned into your brain, forgive yourself. That's what most of us don't do. I never judge anyone. Why? No judging, no worry about being judged. And, people should be able to do whatever they want to as long as they don't hurt someone else. Also, is turning a trick the worst thing in the world? I personally don't see people who sleep with people for things (like say a wife/gf/bf for a new stove or car) any different than turning a trick. Too many treat marriage as a contract for legal prostitution to make themselves look good to certain parts of society (hey, religion!!!). When you weren't a willing participant, the shame belongs to the pimp/perp. If you don't have a record, just forgive yourself and maybe no one needs to know. Be honest to a spouse, sure. You can get the record expunged you know. Check out Hookers For Jesus. They are on the web. Annie Lobert may be overly religious but she's actually showing that Christian love stuff the rest of the church doesn't 99% of the time. She knows about having to be a high class call girl under threat of death. Her story made me cringe. So does yours. She did chose that life. You really didn't. Big difference in the way of thinking. And, if you did a few times after 17, does it really matter? I think, so? to people's pasts. It's an old book. Throw it away and start a new one. Yeah, it is that easy when you believe it is. Peace.


Edited by phoenix321 (04/03/12 01:49 PM)
Edit Reason: add
_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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#392085 - 04/03/12 08:15 PM Re: The shame and guilt of turning tricks [Re: phoenix321]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1237
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/16/13 10:15 PM)
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#392087 - 04/03/12 08:23 PM Re: The shame and guilt of turning tricks [Re: lapchinj]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1237
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/16/13 10:15 PM)
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#392217 - 04/04/12 08:38 PM Re: The shame and guilt of turning tricks [Re: lapchinj]
Logan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1209
Loc: NY
Jeff i just wanted to share a quote will you that may help explain why nobody saw as you said that something wrong...

"There are none so Blind as those who Will not See."

I definitely think that your folks, both parents of yours fit in to this category.

Your Brother,
Logan
_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

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#392230 - 04/04/12 11:14 PM Re: The shame and guilt of turning tricks [Re: Logan]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1237
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/16/13 10:15 PM)
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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