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#392392 - 04/05/12 11:59 PM *
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/28/13 05:06 PM)

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#392414 - 04/06/12 12:58 AM Re: Invisible Scars (TRIGGER) [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
WriterKeith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 945
Loc: southern California
Gary,
Thanks for sharing these quotes. I had not seen this manual before and I will enjoy checking it out.

I like your analytical approach. I find it helpful. (I especially liked your comment, "Well I'll settle that controversy." It made me chuckle.)

You touch on the emotional abuse from your mom, something I am dealing with in retrospect as I manage the symptoms of emotional abuse. I'm wondering, did your mother have co-existent redeeming qualities or efforts? That's the contradiction in my thoughts regarding my own mother.
_________________________
"A burned bridge can be a gift; it prevents us from returning to a place we should have never been."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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#392417 - 04/06/12 01:07 AM * [Re: WriterKeith]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/28/13 05:07 PM)

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#392425 - 04/06/12 02:02 AM Re: Invisible Scars (TRIGGER) [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3379
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Quote:
Emotional abuse involves the use of "words as weapons." The scars left may be more psychological than physical, which makes emotional abuse harder to identify. ... Behavioral signs that may suggest emotional abuse include constant approval-seeking; self-criticism; letting oneself be taken advantage of; excessive timidity or quiet aggression; indecisiveness; fear of rejection from others...


(sounds like where i lived. But not the unkempt grooming part - that was obsessively perfect so that no one on the outside would guess anything. We had to look good to the world. and not the part about the victim being verbally abusive to others. i was too beaten down to do anything like that. And i desperately wanted others to like and accept me so i'd never have done that. - Lee)

Quote:
Emotional abuse, more than physical or sexual abuse, must be measured in terms of severity. It is deemed mild when the acts are isolated incidents; moderate when the pattern is more established and generalized; and severe when acts are frequent, absolute and categorical...


(Yeah - some of the individual incidents were not all that bad. but the cumulative effect was to create a toxic atmosphere so that even when nothing overt was being said or done, just being there was damaging - living in constant fear and feeling like trash all the time. - Lee)

The manual identifies five types of emotional abuse. The manual goes into more detail, but here are snippets:

Quote:
Rejecting: Rejecting involves the adult's refusal to acknowledge the child's worth and the legitimacy of the child's needs.

(Check! happened contstantly.)

Terrorizing: Terrorizing includes verbally assaulting, bullying or frightening the child, thereby creating a climate of fear that the child generalizes to the world at large.

(Yup - that too!)

Ignoring: Ignoring entails depriving the child of essential stimulation and responsiveness, thereby stifling emotional growth and intellectual development.

(Right-o...)

Isolating: Isolating involves the adults' cutting the child off from normal social experiences, thereby preventing the child from forming friendships and reinforcing the child's belief that s/he is alone in the world.

(been there - done that!)


good description of a terrible situation.
Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#392455 - 04/06/12 06:43 AM Re: Invisible Scars (TRIGGER) [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Quote:
Emotional abuse involves the use of "words as weapons." The scars left may be more psychological than physical, which makes emotional abuse harder to identify. Physical signs of emotional abuse may include malnourishment, small physical stature, poor grooming and inappropriate attire for the season or circumstances. Behavioral signs that may suggest emotional abuse include constant approval-seeking; self-criticism; letting oneself be taken advantage of; excessive timidity or quiet aggression; indecisiveness; fear of rejection from others; and verbally hostile, provocative or abusive behavior.


Check!

Quote:
Emotional abuse, more than physical or sexual abuse, must be measured in terms of severity. It is deemed mild when the acts are isolated incidents; moderate when the pattern is more established and generalized; and severe when acts are frequent, absolute and categorical. All parents are emotionally abusive to their children at certain times. Parents are not perfect, and they too are subject to stresses and strains of daily living that may cause them to lash out at others. It is especially important to determine whether there is an established pattern of verbal abuse or mental cruelty in order to label the behavior emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is the least understood, and perhaps the most controversial of the three types of abuse because of the confusion about how to define and describe it.


Most definitely, check!

Quote:
Rejecting: Rejecting involves the adult's refusal to acknowledge the child's worth and the legitimacy of the child's needs.


Hey, mom & dad!

Quote:
Terrorizing: Terrorizing includes verbally assaulting, bullying or frightening the child, thereby creating a climate of fear that the child generalizes to the world at large.


Hey, dad!

Quote:
Ignoring: Ignoring entails depriving the child of essential stimulation and responsiveness, thereby stifling emotional growth and intellectual development.


Hey, mom and dad!

Quote:
Isolating: Isolating involves the adults' cutting the child off from normal social experiences, thereby preventing the child from forming friendships and reinforcing the child's belief that s/he is alone in the world.


Big check! Everyone is evil. Nobody cares. My ass is in this alone. Kids are bullies too and so is my brother.

Quote:
Corrupting: Corrupting involves encouraging the child to engage in antisocial behavior that reinforces deviant social attitudes. Most frequently the corruption has to do with suggesting inappropriate ways of handling aggression, sexuality or substance abuse. By encouraging antisocial values and behaviors and discouraging the learning of positive social attitudes and skills, the parents hinder the child's social development. Sometimes a child evolves an identity that puts him/her at odds with the conventions and standards of society. Some examples of corrupting behavior include reinforcing the child for sexual behavior; condoning drug use; rewarding aggressive behavior; exposing the child to pornography; and involving the child in criminal activities such as prostitution, drug dealing or insurance fraud. Another example is parents who force their racist or exclusionary attitudes on their children and encourage them to act on these beliefs in ways that cause problems for them with peers, at school and even with the law.


That was "dad" or sperm donor and the bullies.
_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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#392461 - 04/06/12 07:10 AM . [Re: phoenix321]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
.


Edited by Life's A Dream (01/12/13 11:10 PM)

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