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#392185 - 04/04/12 02:20 PM Emotions Cannot Stop Them
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1717
It seems I am having so many emotions and memories are flooding in from the abuse to many other hurts and pain inflicted on me by others over the years.Most things I now remember but never thought about them. My T and at last night's support group a common thought was said--because of the abuse we learn to bury all pain and hurt--because as a child we buried to survive and it became a coping mechanism for us. Now I see and feel all the wrongs--and feel like a fool to allow what was done and said to me. I spoke of what has been happening to me in my personal life and I could see everything harmful that was being done--how I let others push me, guilt me, make me feel bad--from adults to young people. People said adults use children like our perps to get what that want and to get false validation of love and control. I broke down last night at the session when speaking and on the way home when thinking about what has happened. I walked into the house, same old attacks on acting out and CSA.I did not let it push me over, but I realized adults can be terrible instigators of trouble and rob children of their lives--no friends, no activities, no social life. Like the bullies in the Phoebe Prince cyber bullying suicide.

Has anyone else experienced increased emotions and memories of pain and hurt as they move through the healing process?


Edited by KMCINVA (04/04/12 04:22 PM)

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#392188 - 04/04/12 03:21 PM Re: Emotions Cannot Stop Them [Re: KMCINVA]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
KMC,

Yeah, sure. That happened a lot at 26-29. The only problem was there was no competent therapist(s) to make sense of it. I really didn't want to spend my days and nights crying and not knowing why so I quit. I remember seeing a little me crying uncontrollably. As a kid, there was little emotion so I knew it wasn't real. That person did at 3.5 years old anyone and their was a new person. One of the reasons I think the inner child in my case really doesn't make much sense. He's gone and there was no crying.
_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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#392197 - 04/04/12 04:49 PM Re: Emotions Cannot Stop Them [Re: phoenix321]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1410
Loc: California
Hi Kmc,

Yes. This is perfectly normal, and, actually, great news. According to the reading I've been doing ("Victims no Longer" and "Beyond Betrayal"), a necessary part of recovery is feeling the feelings that we were unable (or unwilling?) to feel. Our bodies need to get rid of the feelings that have been locked inside for so long, and they have to be expressed.

Emotions require expression of some form otherwise they're bottled and get stuck. The fact that you're having a flood gate of feelings indicates that you're unstuck.

Sorry you're going through such a roller coaster, but know that its tremendous progress to be had.

D
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM

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#392200 - 04/04/12 06:50 PM Re: Emotions Cannot Stop Them [Re: Magellan]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
I am in the same boat bro. I have had times where I cry out of the blue. I just think it is part of my recovery
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

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#392209 - 04/04/12 07:23 PM Re: Emotions Cannot Stop Them [Re: Country]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1717
thank you everyone. it seems every step of healing is an emotional roller coaster. I wish there would be phase where I could remember and not hurt. but like you all said, it is just part of the process and the old saying, no pain no gain. thank you

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#392210 - 04/04/12 07:33 PM Re: Emotions Cannot Stop Them [Re: KMCINVA]
Anomalous Offline
Greeter Coordinator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 03/07/10
Posts: 1349
****** TRIGGER WARNING ******


Hi KMC,

I am sorry that you are hurting so much.

Sometimes I do not know which is worse ... the actual emotional, physical and sexual pain that was originally experienced, or the pain at realizing just how little, if any, regard was given to the people we were.

Realizing that we meant nothing, or worse, that others derived pleasure from our pain is a difficult thing to acknowledge, and accept.

I know it is of little comfort to know that you are not alone in your suffering through this stage, but it will pass.

For now, you have oceans of tears to cry. Tears that you were not allowed to shed when you were being harmed and treated as though you did not matter.

((((( KMC )))))



Anomalous
_________________________
Acceptance on someone else's terms is worse than rejection.

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#392223 - 04/04/12 10:19 PM Re: Emotions Cannot Stop Them [Re: Anomalous]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1717
When I read everyone's comment I hear an expression said to me "you have arrived". It was explained as said I was "unstuck". I now realize emotionally unstuck. Years, decades of pain and hurt and buried and now being allowed to be felt. It is painful but it has given me opportunity to understand who I am. What I feel and see is sad and realize I need to surround myself with good peole who will accept me for whom I am and where I have been.

The hard part the emotions hit uncontrollably. I try to cover with a coughing fit or walking away. The other day I could not control and told someone I never intent to tell I told, they gave me a hug and has been cool about it. No questions just good conversation. Makes me realize there are great people out there.

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