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#392113 - 04/04/12 12:03 AM *
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/28/13 05:02 PM)

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#392132 - 04/04/12 02:45 AM Re: They Even Hit After You Cry TRIGGER [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3356
Loc: somewhere in Africa
yeah - the weasle words allow the abusers to get themselves off the hook and explain it away.

“Physical abuse often begins under the guise of punishment and ends as punishment gone awry. What starts out as corporal punishment intended to be purposeful and restrained can often become excessive. It is often an expression of the parents'/abusers' own personal conflicts. In some cases, physical abuse takes the form of extreme punishing behavior that the parent imposes on the child for seemingly arbitrary reasons."

that's where i lived. with or without the qualifiers, the shoe fits.

there is NEVER a "good" reason to hurt or abuse a child!
Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#392155 - 04/04/12 09:06 AM . [Re: traveler]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
.


Edited by Life's A Dream (01/12/13 11:11 PM)

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#392157 - 04/04/12 09:13 AM Re: They Even Hit After You Cry TRIGGER [Re: Life's A Dream]
mike13 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 419
Loc: California USA
You hit the nail on the head Life. I am a product of the terrible twosome physical and sexual. I didn't what to repeat the cycle so I build some very strong safeguards with the help of my wife. After being a parent for 17 years I am so greatful that I did Mike

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#392165 - 04/04/12 10:28 AM Re: They Even Hit After You Cry TRIGGER [Re: mike13]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3356
Loc: somewhere in Africa
from the title of this post i was expecting the threat i always heard from step-father: "If you don't stop crying i'll really give you something to cry about!"

as if he hadn't already? eventually i stopped crying. i stopped reacting at all. i stopped feeling anything. 50 years later, i'm feeling it. now i cry.
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#392186 - 04/04/12 02:32 PM Re: They Even Hit After You Cry TRIGGER [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL


If you can't talk to your kids and tell them what they are doing is wrong, you shouldn't be using a paddle. Of course, if you can accomplish that, you didn't need corporal punishment in the first place.
_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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#392202 - 04/04/12 06:58 PM Re: They Even Hit After You Cry TRIGGER [Re: phoenix321]
Vadrian Offline


Registered: 09/10/11
Posts: 111
Loc: Pacific
I also experienced physical and sexual abuse from my older brother (and physical abuse from my parents), and I share your feelings.

All hitting, including corporal punishment and spanking is abuse, is violence, is a violation of the child's right to his body. The BS in this manual you're reading does muddy the lines in really stupid ways. I see people all the time online saying things like "oh, beating children with wooden boards is different from abuse..." No it isn't, and if you want to hit children, you need to get help for your violent instincts.

It has nothing to do with anything the child has done--people who grow up and automatically forgive their parents for beating them and choose to empathize with their abusers instead of the children they once were simply re-enact this abuse on their own children. It is an ignorant, child-hating ideology that calls for dehumanizing punishments that inflict real psychological harm on young children whose brains aren't developing yet.


Edited by Vadrian (04/04/12 07:33 PM)

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#392207 - 04/04/12 07:12 PM Re: They Even Hit After You Cry TRIGGER [Re: Vadrian]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
I do not think spanking is abuse. I say a wiping or spanking is at times needed up until a certain age. This is just my opinion though and all have different views in this. I am not judging those that do not spank. I say this meaning a few spanks with a belt across the butt


Edited by Country (04/04/12 07:14 PM)
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

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#392213 - 04/04/12 07:57 PM Re: They Even Hit After You Cry TRIGGER [Re: Country]
Anomalous Offline
Greeter Coordinator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 03/07/10
Posts: 1344
****** TRIGGER WARNING ******


Hi All,

I do not believe there is ever a reason to spank a child. Spanking is a form of humiliation. It is also done out of anger. NOTHING is ever "learned" by the child, except that violence, and the disproportionate sizes between individuals, is a means by which to exert power over another.

Violence begets violence.

As for receiving "hugs" after being spanked, that is nothing more than the abusive cycle seen in many domestic situations later on in life.

"I hit you becuase I love you."

WTF????

How is hitting a healthy expression of love?

Hitting a child, regardless of intensity, is an act of violence. It teaches the child that he/ she doens't have a right to their own body. It teaches that violently acting out of anger, especially toward those who are smaller or weaker, is acceptable.

It teaches one to fear those who get angry, since those who get angry only express that anger through a loss of control.

It teaches one to fear their own anger, lest they too, lose control and hurt another.

It seems that many who have already responded here know the humiliation and the emotional abuse that accompanied the physical abuse, myself included.

Statements such as "I'll give you something to cry about," or "crying is music to my ears" (one I heard often as the beatings didn't stop until we cried sufficiently in volume and duration) are tortures no one should ever have to know.

Hitting, in any context, is a loss of control. It serves the emotional needs of the hitter, not of the one being hit.

Those who feel the need to hit do so because they are satisfying their own needs, and they usually do not have a healthy way of expressing their anger. Physical expression of their anger usually isnt' limited to a child. Pets and other adults are also targets.

You cannot hit a child and hug them and tell them "it was for your own good." That is sending a child many mixed messages, none of which are true or healthy.

Physical pain is not love. Love isn't supposed to hurt like that.

If a child needs to be disciplined, there are healthy means by which to accomplish that discipline. Methods which will not tear down a child's sense of self esteem or make them feel humiliated and out of control of their own bodies.

I am shaking as I write this, as I remember all of the times I was beaten. Not because I did anything wrong, but becuase if one of us kids did something perceived as an infraction of the rules, we were all physically abused.

The monster would exert her wrath on all of us. It gave her pleasure to hear us cry. It exacerbated her rage when I would refuse to express the physical and emotional pain she was inflicting, so she would beat me harder.

The only lessons to be learned from physical violence is that one is only worthy of such disrespect and that one "deserves it." Not only from the parental units, but from others throughout life.

Violence is not love.




Anomalous
_________________________
Acceptance on someone else's terms is worse than rejection.

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#392220 - 04/04/12 09:24 PM Re: They Even Hit After You Cry TRIGGER [Re: Anomalous]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
The love part out of a spanking is that you love that child enough to show them the seriousness of the situation thru punishment. That is the way I see it anyway. Spankings should not be given out just any ole time the act up. But I think there is a time and a place for it. It is not meant as a form of humiliation no more than " time out " is. I mean if they are humiliated by it then good. They shouldn't have performed whatever act that caused them to get spanked or punished.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

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