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#391974 - 04/02/12 11:36 PM Suicide attempts: how young?
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1536
Loc: New Jersey
Maybe its just me trying to make the pieces fit but I'm told that I was taken to the hospital when I took my fathers blood pressure medication. I was young about 5-7 or so (dont know the exact timeline). My brother who is the executor of my fathers estate kept conviently forgetting to look into a tombstone for my fathers grave. I dropped it. Its been 9 years since he passed and he never got one. Could something have happened to me and I took the pills to commit sucide or at the very least a cry for help? Or am I reading too much into this and its just a kid thing taking them because they look like candy or something.

Do kids this young think of suicide?
_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#391975 - 04/02/12 11:42 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
traveler Offline
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Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3196
Loc: back in the USA
i don't know how young is possible. i was about 12 - 7th grade - the 1st time i seriously considered it.

as for the father - let him be forgotten. the sooner the better! (but that's just me talking about the step-father i got saddled with.)

lee
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#391982 - 04/03/12 12:24 AM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: traveler]
pufferfish Online   embarrased
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Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6705
Loc: USA
I think I was 4 years old. Unbelievable? Maybe! But that's how I remember it. The kiddie porn was ongoing. I was being used along with several slightly older boys. The older boys relieved their "shame" by bullying me. That's how I've come to see it. We lived on an island surrounded by white-sand beaches. I ventured out into the bay until the water got over my head. My mother was on the beach, absorbed in conversation with her friends. She must have seen my head go under water and rushed in to get me. Later she complained to me about how I had ruined her wrist watch.

Puffer

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#391983 - 04/03/12 12:26 AM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: pufferfish]
Jim1104 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/16/11
Posts: 407
Loc: Louisiana, USA
13 here. Tried to OD on Tylenol. All that happened was I got sick.
_________________________
Jim
Male/USA

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#391984 - 04/03/12 12:27 AM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: pufferfish]
Jim1104 Offline
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Registered: 03/16/11
Posts: 407
Loc: Louisiana, USA
13 here. Tried to OD on Tylenol. All that happened was I got sick.
_________________________
Jim
Male/USA

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#391988 - 04/03/12 12:40 AM * [Re: pufferfish]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
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Registered: 03/25/12
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Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/28/13 05:01 PM)

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#391989 - 04/03/12 12:41 AM * [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
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Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/28/13 05:01 PM)

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#391995 - 04/03/12 01:05 AM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
16 was the first near attempt. I'm sorry about what happened to you but I don't see how it couldn't be possible to answer your question. Only you'll really ever know what was in your head though.


Edited by phoenix321 (04/03/12 01:06 AM)
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Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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#391996 - 04/03/12 01:08 AM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: pufferfish]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Puffer, you're mom sounds like some of the shit my sperm donor pulled. No idea about your mum, but my "dad" is/was an asshole. Gee, people need a test before they become parents I swear to whomever is in-charge.
_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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#392007 - 04/03/12 03:57 AM . [Re: phoenix321]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
.


Edited by Life's A Dream (01/12/13 11:12 PM)

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#392008 - 04/03/12 04:46 AM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: Life's A Dream]
Anomalous Offline
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Registered: 03/07/10
Posts: 1334
******* TRIGGER WARNING *******


Hi Guys,

I was 8 or 9 when I found out what it meant, and how I could do it.

The only problem was, I knew if I disemboweled myself and I was not dead by the time I hit the floor, I would get in trouble for making a mess.

So I started doing things like crossing the street without looking, hoping people would think it was an "accident."

When I was 17 I started doing things like mixing alcohol and prescription medication (valium) hoping it would put me in a coma.

A few years later I made an attempt I never should have survived.

There were other incidents before that, but too graphic to tell here.



Anomalous


Edited by Anomalous (04/03/12 05:13 AM)
Edit Reason: Trigger Warning
_________________________
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#392015 - 04/03/12 07:03 AM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: Life's A Dream]
frozen Offline
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Registered: 04/26/07
Posts: 22
Loc: Europe


I was 8, when I started planning or fantasying killing myself. I had no courage. Later about 13 started starving myself, I became anorectic. My therapist says it is miracle to be alive. No one knows how many does it with abuse backround.

PJ

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#392018 - 04/03/12 07:42 AM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
ctznken Offline


Registered: 03/14/12
Posts: 48
Loc: Ohio
I was about ten. Tried to hang myself from the swing set. I swung out and hung for a few seconds. when I really started to choke i was able to pull myself up. Just not ready I guess.

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#392022 - 04/03/12 08:57 AM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: Life's A Dream]
Asmodeus Offline


Registered: 10/25/05
Posts: 112
Loc: Vestavia, Alabama, USA
I was around 12 or 14 when I tried. I overdosed on some pills and just ended up getting put on stronger anti depressants.
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I may not be perfect, but at least I'm not fake.

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#392030 - 04/03/12 09:42 AM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: Asmodeus]
traveler Offline
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Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3196
Loc: back in the USA
most "normal" people would find this thread incredible - literally - because they have no idea of what we know. Most very young children don't even understand the concept of death - much less how to achieve it - and even less - the desire for it. But then, most very young children do not know as much about sex and violence and deception and abuse and perversion and evil and secrets either...

lee
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#392049 - 04/03/12 11:51 AM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: traveler]
Anthony39 Offline
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Registered: 02/15/07
Posts: 345
Loc: Montreal, Canada
Can someone make a point about this thread?
It doesn't bother me personally but please tell me there is a point to this sadfest.
Yeah we know a lot of kids have killed themselves. But we are here, we live and breathe despite the odds. out of respect and in memory of those who didn't make it, let's embrace life .
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#392051 - 04/03/12 12:15 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: Anthony39]
pufferfish Online   embarrased
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Registered: 02/26/08
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Part of the point of this is to see the terrible cost of child sexual abuse. Early cases, like mine, cause tremendous problems all throughout life. I'm not trying to scare anyone but the public out there needs to know this. The legal and enforcement people need to know that there are prolonged effects and that their jobs can't be taken lightly. Kids aren't able to sustain sexual activity. Their minds and bodies not only don't thrive under these conditions, but they are likely to sustain injuries which take huge effort to unlock later. The "Humpty Dumpty" effect. It's as though abuse flips circuit breakers in our black box.

Allen

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#392053 - 04/03/12 12:24 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: Anthony39]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Anthony,

This is another of the ramnifications of CSA. It's like war stories from the trenches AND some of us beat it, maybe multiple times.


***triggers***
I thought about this more and near attempts were 16, 17, 25 (serious nervous breakdown), 26, 27, etc. I did go through anorexia nervosa and got to 174 lbs and was sickly. I was lucky it didn't take hold and I didn't start throwing up and stuff. My best weight is 200-220. Self-injuring started at 25 I think to 28/29. A serious consideration was when I joined MS last November through January. Believe it or not, being diagnosed with congestive heart failure knocked me out of it. New crap to worry about and I figured, society kicked me out, I'm sick, let's see how much chaos I can cause.

It's just depression with seemingly no way out. If you're reading this, you can beat it. Call and talk to a suicide hotline, call 911, they have to help. Go to an ER and tell them. It'll cost but you can always file bankruptcy and tell the system to go fuck themselves. Nobody listened to me at 16-17 and at 25/26. You are worth the help. It's only money. Society says too many people aren't worth the help. Use the resources. That's what they are there for. It'll probably just be 3 days in a psych ward. That's peace. Believe me.
_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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#392061 - 04/03/12 12:57 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: phoenix321]
KMCINVA Offline
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Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1427
I never thought of suicide but had many days and nights where I prayed to be taken from this earth in my sleep, for the pain to stop, the images to cease but I could not. I cried I even wrote a pray to die by and would recite it each night. I could not let the fears, distrust, hurt and feeling lost go. But in my teens as I had friends, went to parties, dated life seemed bearable--and when I look at that word I realize bearable is not living. I went through the motions. Like so many, death would have been the answer to end the pain. I have seen suicide, I saw a brother drink himself to death--he was lost and my perp said he would leave him alone if I kept quiet and did what I was told to do to him. I now think the perp lied like all abusers--I think he hurt my brother, and my brother never truly lived--he went through life's motions without a spirit--I now believe the perp destroyed him beyond repair. So I see my own wish to die, my brother's way to go was not straightforward suicide but a prolonged altered state from alcohol and drugs and then those who commit suicide. Yes, CSA and all abuse and bullying destroy and the ramifications and effects are far from what people think--get over I have heard, abused people do not act out, abused people lie and so on. It is a sick world--the perp controls and the ignorant further destroy.

It has to end, we cannot afford to loose another child to CSA.

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#392065 - 04/03/12 01:30 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: KMCINVA]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
KMCINVA,

Not to defend any pedos but I don't think they (99% maybe) know the extent of the damage they do. Pufferfish, Robbie (and others I'm sure) had young perps who may have thought that's what kids do to other kids because it happened to them and they won't know the ramnifications to themselves later in life either. Pufferfish I know made that analogy. For me personally, I may look on it differently if my perps was 12 years old than the mid-20s. It's a sick argument to make for sure and no excuse. More education is needed and maybe it would curb some of it. We have that for rape.

I had a lot of bullying too and some kids did it because it was taught and some kids did it because they liked to. Doesn't make it any easier.

I just hold some more responsible that others. Adult pedos I'd drop in prison for the rest of their lives because I don't believe in a cure (and haven't seen one either) and they should pay the piper. I also believe we should help those victims of all crime way more than we do.

You know when I was bullied I always thought the same thing--I'd rather be the bully to the bullies. I didn't bully but damn sure just didn't want to be picked on. If you're the bully, you don't get picked on. I did beat 2 bullies's asses though. Rather enjoyed getting in trouble over it. Why? Everyone knew. I thought it was great that fat kid in Australia picked up that skinny bully and threw him. Good for him.


Edited by phoenix321 (04/03/12 01:32 PM)
_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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#392097 - 04/03/12 09:57 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: phoenix321]
onlyakid Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1536
Loc: New Jersey
I guess you guys are right, its possible but we'll never know until I regain (if I ever do) the memory of that event. Didnt mean for this to turn into a thread about all of your suicide attempts.
_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#392100 - 04/03/12 10:29 PM . [Re: onlyakid]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
.


Edited by Life's A Dream (01/12/13 11:12 PM)

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#392123 - 04/04/12 02:06 AM * [Re: Life's A Dream]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
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Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
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Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/28/13 05:03 PM)

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#392184 - 04/04/12 02:07 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
SamV Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5924
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
If we are defining the term "kids" as under 16, then, yeah, I have not only thought about it, but tried it. I was walking on a road in the country, and was tired of trying to make sense of my life. My parents had kicked me out, I had no car, no driver's license, no place to stay. I laid down in the lane of the road in the early morning, just around a blind corner and fell asleep. I remember thinking to myself, "I could get run over here", and it felt like a good thing. I was awakened by a car horn, and looked up to see a couple of guys standing half out of their car in the same lane I was in, looking really unsure of what was happening. I got up, thanked them and kept walking, they drove around me.

Thanks onlyakid, this is good to remember what I have survived,
Sam


Edited by sasuva (04/04/12 02:10 PM)
Edit Reason: more depth
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#392192 - 04/04/12 04:11 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: SamV]
Jim1961 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/10/09
Posts: 1099
Loc: Pa, but likely traveling...
Age 14. Ate a bottle of Valium and somehow woke up the next day.

Did lots of risky things after that (drugs, etc.) Fantasized about jumping off a very high bridge near our house (rail road tracks underneath).

Called a suicide prevention hotline when I was 18 and very depressed.

Still have thoughts occasionally, but would never do that to my wife and kids... But (alas) it is a comforting thought at times...

Jim
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Loneliness is a power that we possess to give or take away forever. -Yes, Starship Trooper

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#397634 - 05/18/12 03:52 AM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
1lifenow Offline


Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 385
Loc: west coast
I am just reading this now late in the game, but i do understand both the empathy of the shared experience of attempting suicide at a young age.

At about 13 Took all my mothers antidepressants i could find. JUST CUX. then said " i felt like it"

Nothing ever came of it. So Knowing others went thru the same near death experience, that was never even acknowledge give great creedance to those feelings we were never good enough , we were never seen. Its powerful

BUT i totally understand what Anthony was frustrated about. THere is NO Place on here to talk about Possitive things

Those threads are dropped and forgotten like yesterdays bird shit.

MODERATORS>, GET YOUR HEADS OUT OF YOUR ASSES

MAKE SOME CHANGES OR YOU LOSE VOICES LIKE ANTHONY"S AND OTHERS

WTF

YOU PEOPLE ALLOW US NEWBIES TO WALLOW IN THE SHIT < THEN THERE IS ONLY A BRIEF RESPITE BEFORE THE ONSLOT

GET REAL

RECOVERY IS A PROCESS, NOT AN EVENT

HONESTLY, PULL YOUR HEADS OUT

Even at the WoR i attended, i asked a fellow what is your name on MS, he said, i was there but i had to pull away, its too much negativety without the BALANCE

Oi already

PEOPLE STUCK IN THE SAME BULLSHIT STINKY THINKING THAT MANY OF US HAVE SUFFERED.

IF SOMEONE ON HERE HAS INUMERABLE POSTS AND THE TONE HAS NOT CHANGED< DO NOT LISTEN . FIND A VOICE THAT SPEAKS TO YOU> EMPATHY IS GREAT ITS NOT GREAT ENOUGH

ok i can breath now

cheers and have a good nite, newcomers, IT GETS BETTER! But YOU have to make it better.


Edited by 1lifenow (05/18/12 03:58 AM)
Edit Reason: more venting
_________________________
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

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#397675 - 05/18/12 06:35 PM * [Re: onlyakid]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
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Registered: 03/25/12
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Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/28/13 05:44 PM)

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#397699 - 05/18/12 08:31 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
Publius Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 394
Loc: OH
I thought about it when I was in high school, college, and right after my first and only panic attack. I didn't really want to die but I didn't want to live with the pain of my reality. It was simply too much. When we look at something like suicide we have to pay heed to just how bad things have to get for a person to make them want to go against his/her most basic survival instinct. People wonder why so many CSA victims commit suicide, whether it be quickly or over a period of time, and here is my response:

The human spirit is like a great society and our mind the capitol. There are a number of evils we experience in life that act almost like bombing raids on the metropolis of our mind. However, the fires and destruction from a bombing raid can usually be remedied somewhat quickly by our capable selves. It is only after a long long long carpet bombing campaign that we as individuals even begin to buckle under the pressure (to give up entirely on life). Well, CSA IS AN ATOMIC BOMB. Tokyo and all the major cities of Japan were fire bombed into ruin by 1945 and still the resolve of the Japanese remained stood strong. Yet, after a couple atomic bombs on two non-essential military targets the Japanese to surrendered unconditionally.

I know I am kind of up my own ass with the analogy here but I use this to illustrate just how destructive CSA is for human beings.

So what about the positive? I admit I focus too much the negative. For one thing people generally take for granted the blessings that they already possess and give voice to that which they do not. That's just human nature but add to that the profound negative experience of CSA and I suppose I can be a bit jaded : P

BUT

The tide IS turning. For thousands of years children were a commodity to be used as seen fit by adults but those days are dwindling. 100 years ago we saw the birth of psychotherapy. Some 50 years ago women spoke out about their marginalization and their right to equality, which included not being abused as children. This helped pave the way for male survivors in the 80s and 90s to do just the same - to think in the 1950s they thought one in a million males were CSA victims! There are more organizations today fighting CSA than at any time in our history. Our survivor ancestors, so to speak, have made great leaps forward for all of us in a relatively short period of time. This is why I am optimistic. While retaining the integrity of their achievements we can attack CSA on new fronts, especially in the areas of child education and adult social services.

We owe it to ourselves, to our fellow survivors, and especially to those who have died fighting for our cause to stay the course. Every personal step forward is a battle won in the larger war against CSA (to borrow the ever more popular phrase). Our contribution need be nothing more than ourselves, our healing, and our happiness. It makes me smile writing this all down not because it sounds good to me on paper or makes sense to me intellectually but because it FEELS good to believe it is possible : ) Hopefully my faith will one day be vindicated!
_________________________
"Life is like this dark tunnel. You may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place." ~ General Iroh

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#397706 - 05/18/12 10:35 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 826
Loc: Kc,Mo
I attempted suicide when i was 16 i took a brand new bottle of Tylenol extra strength. I grabbed them swallowed the whole thing, walked into the living room threw the bottle and said you will not have to worry about me any longer .

My aunt flipped out crying cause she new what i had done . i went to my room locked the door and laid on the bed and closed my eyes and my uncle kept trying to get in the room and after about 5 minutes kicked the door in and told me to come on lets go to the hospital i said i am not going and he kept trying to talk me out of it and realized i was serious .

He picked me up through me over his shoulder and walked out the door with me . I was starting to feel very weird and my vision became blurry , i started to feel really really weird and when i got to the hospital they shot me with something put a large tube down my throat and i saw the dissolved Tylenol come up in the tube there was a lot of it .Than they put charcoal in the tube and pumped it into my stomach I guess it absorbs any left overs .

I crapped black charcoal for a few days .

I also attempted suicide a couple of times from 18 to 21 by alcohol poisoning i drank so much one time the doctor told me there is no logical explanation why i was still alive . i should be dead he looked so puzzled and said any one that drinks that much alcohol should be dead . Than i remember him saying by some one must have plans for you and looked up toward heaven. Than he left the room .

I took pills and alcohol at the same times and drank enough to were i did not think i would wake up but i always did .

Man i am so glad i did not die , My wife my kids and the fact that i have my life back and i almost let this crap take me out .
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#397741 - 05/19/12 02:17 AM * [Re: Publius]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
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Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/28/13 05:44 PM)

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#397742 - 05/19/12 02:29 AM * [Re: nltsaved]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
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Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/28/13 05:44 PM)

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#397838 - 05/20/12 11:35 AM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
joeyjeepguy Offline


Registered: 05/18/12
Posts: 2
Loc: new hampshire
i was 9 yo with a light cord in my dads bedroom ,,,,but the cord wouldnt hold my weight

just red neck burn

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#397842 - 05/20/12 12:10 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: joeyjeepguy]
Still Offline
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Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6317
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
Originally Posted By: joeyjeepguy
i was 9 yo with a light cord in my dads bedroom ,,,,but the cord wouldnt hold my weight

just red neck burn


Good Lord! 9!
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#397844 - 05/20/12 12:23 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
SamV Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5924
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
I have a nephew who was not much older than that and has been overwhelmed to that extent. His little life may have SA in it, but his parents scream at each other daily, in fact until their divorce, that his how the mother and father would talk, yell/screaming. His desire to leave that place did not make a dent in their perspective. He now is a cross county runner, the fastest that region has seen. He will have to face that event in his life, but right now, he is surviving. Joey, you survived, and now you want to face that which overwhelmed you. We are here, this is worthwhile what you are doing, we are here to support you every step of the way.

Sam

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#397874 - 05/20/12 11:13 PM * [Re: joeyjeepguy]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
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Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/28/13 05:45 PM)

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#397917 - 05/21/12 03:31 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
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#397921 - 05/21/12 04:37 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
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#397922 - 05/21/12 04:43 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
MarkK Offline
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i signed a contract with my T just last week - basically me promising what things i will do before committing suicide. The methods keep running through my head ... fortunately i'm not "in the right mood" to end it.
but sometimes it is not easy.

i'm not sure what my T would have done if i hadn't agreed to the contract.
_________________________
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    https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013

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#397933 - 05/21/12 06:40 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
KMCINVA Offline
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Registered: 08/31/11
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MarkK

You need to focus on what you need to heal. You are facing the past, we all know how painful it is, it pushes us to feeling new lows, but once we get the poison out and surround ourselves with caring and good people--we find we can have a life worth living. It takes work-use your support systems, MS, support groups, your T and people who stand by you. Steer clear of those who look to put you down--their goal is to hurt you and you don't need to be dealing with those type of people.

Please stay strong--we need you here!!!

Kevin

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#397986 - 05/21/12 11:14 PM * [Re: onlyakid]
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Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/28/13 05:45 PM)

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#397989 - 05/21/12 11:25 PM . [Re: nltsaved]
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Edited by Life's A Dream (01/12/13 10:32 PM)

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#398064 - 05/22/12 12:30 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
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#398184 - 05/23/12 12:51 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: phoenix321]
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#398218 - 05/23/12 08:18 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
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Edited by lapchinj (03/16/13 05:18 PM)
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#398248 - 05/24/12 01:12 AM * [Re: onlyakid]
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#398280 - 05/24/12 08:25 AM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
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Edited by lapchinj (03/16/13 05:18 PM)
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#398663 - 05/29/12 06:05 AM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
ShortedDiode Offline


Registered: 11/26/11
Posts: 81
Loc: Hamilton, ON Canada
I was 8 or 9 years old and I had two enrichment classes on Saturdays that were held at a high school which was located right by a long, tall bridge that spans a large valley. I was on my own because I took the subway to and from these classes by myself and quite often after class I'd walk out on the bridge trying to decide whether or not to pack it in and try to figure out where the best spot to jump off would be. The thought that a short climb on to the top of the railing and a jump would end all the problems was tempting but I was afraid I might be shortchanging myself if things were to get better in the future, so I always ended up wandering back to the subway station and heading home.
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#398666 - 05/29/12 07:01 AM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
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Edited by lapchinj (03/16/13 05:18 PM)
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#398686 - 05/29/12 12:26 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
alex05 Offline


Registered: 05/29/12
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Loc: nowheresville
I was 14 when I mixed some painkillers and vodka well obviously not enough... but I remember I was about 9 maybe 10 when I tried to provoke my father to kill me, did that several times, don´t know if that counts though... I remember fantasizing about dying but you know as a kid you don´t really get what death is about. My mum died when I was 2 and everybody kept saying she was in heaven and heaven was a good place to be in so I wanted to be there with her. The problem was I didn´t know how to get there.
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Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end. I hate what I´ve become, the nightmare´s just begun...-Skillet-

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#398709 - 05/29/12 04:25 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
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Edited by lapchinj (03/16/13 05:19 PM)
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#398764 - 05/30/12 03:30 AM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
alex05 Offline


Registered: 05/29/12
Posts: 59
Loc: nowheresville
Wow Jeff, your suicidal plans are definitely the most sophisticated I ever heard of. I don´t agree it´s a shame we tried. It´s a shame we were put into position we would even think about suicide at that age. I´d probably try again if I don´t have some people in this world that would get hurt by my actions.
_________________________
Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end. I hate what I´ve become, the nightmare´s just begun...-Skillet-

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#398771 - 05/30/12 04:05 AM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
traveler Offline
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Registered: 02/07/06
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Alex - yeh, i had a dad in heaven that i wished i was with - and a step-dad on earth that i wished was in the other place. I was pretty mixed up between "Our Father who art in heaven" and my father who was in heaven - both of em far out of reach... trouble was i was afraid if i tried to get to heaven by my own effort, i'd wind up in the other place - and home was already enough like that so that i didn't want any more of it...

lee
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#398782 - 05/30/12 05:59 AM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
ShortedDiode Offline


Registered: 11/26/11
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Loc: Hamilton, ON Canada
I forgot to mention that I also tried to suffocate myself with a plastics bag from the grocery store a couple of times before the thinking about using that bridge. So much air was still able to get into those grocery store bags that they was totally useless as suicide attempts so I never really thought of them as such afterward.

About the same time I was thinking about packing it in on that bridge (probably contributing to thinking about ending it all back then), there was a school field trip and the whole class had to travel on the subway between school and the trip destination and a bunch of the bullies tried to push me off the platform in front of the train when it arrived. I dug my heels into the platform and pushed back as hard as I could while thoughts flashed through my mind and for a split second I thought if I couldn't stop them from pushing me in front of a subway train that I could stop pushing back and jump forward to get it over with as painlessly as possible if it was going to happen anyways but one of the teachers supervising the trip grabbed my shirt and pulled me back and the next thing I remember was the train going by and it was over before I knew it.

I don't know if that'd count as a suicide attempt because I did everything I could to stop from being pushed into that train but I clearly remember thinking that I was going to jump for it I began to fall off the edge of the platform to make it as painless as possible. I guess that was more like a value calculation on dieing as painlessly as possible in a situation where it looked like death was going to be a certainty that couldn't be avoided rather than a suicide attempt. I still really don't know what to make of it.
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#398923 - 05/30/12 11:22 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
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Edited by lapchinj (03/16/13 05:19 PM)
_________________________
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#399010 - 05/31/12 01:58 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
alex05 Offline


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Posts: 59
Loc: nowheresville
Lee - you can´t imagine how much I can relate to that. He always said that mum can see everything bad I´ve done and she never let me be with her. Not that he knew I´ve tried to find out how to get there, he only wanted to hurt me but I believed in what he said so I gave up on that. Funny how few words mess up this little head.

Alex
_________________________
Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end. I hate what I´ve become, the nightmare´s just begun...-Skillet-

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#399014 - 05/31/12 02:22 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
MarkK Offline
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Registered: 04/02/07
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Loc: Denver, CO
my contract with my T expires today .... I don't see him again until the 12th so I made an oral agreement to just keep the contract in place. I find it hard to believe sometimes that at 57 I still consider "quitting".
sheesh
_________________________
the story
    https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013

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#399057 - 05/31/12 10:46 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
lapchinj Online   content
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Edited by lapchinj (03/16/13 05:19 PM)
_________________________
Depression Feels Like Home, and Happiness is Just a Place You Visit

It will get better....

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#399081 - 06/01/12 02:17 AM * [Re: MarkK]
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Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/28/13 05:46 PM)

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#399085 - 06/01/12 02:48 AM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
Daniel_forgotten Offline


Registered: 02/07/09
Posts: 479
i canpt believe this hasn't been banned and i'm glad.
attempts is something most of us are afraid of talking about but there are some reflexions about it that i believe are important.

I don't know about you guys, but i felt a weird "state of peace" like i never felt before after a couple of times I tried to do it. Like everything was ok and like all my parts (I dissociate) were working as a team at least that night. It was like the calm that comes after the shock. Has anyone else felt like this?

I know my first try was at 10, but I can't remember any details, only that my dad (who was also one of the perps) prevented it (because despite everything, i think he loves me) and i spent some time at hospital (where doctors knew about me and him, but didn't tell).

I tried twice as a teenager just because I couldn't stand my situation in foster homes and the double life I was leading when they went to bed... and I missed my crazy sick home.

2009 was a bad year. I tried 3 times i think. I dont know.. I was trying to die all the time actually... put myself in a lot of risky situations. The time I almost did it I found my parts working together and conforting each other after we got out of hospital. We (I) started my diary then.

I would like to know how you feel about s.... for me, it's like the norm more than being in shock.. I am relieved now that I promised myself I don't have to *force* myself to be alive... if , at some point, I decide it's too bad for me, I could just.. well you know. Not sure I can say more in these boards.

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#399140 - 06/01/12 02:55 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
alex05 Offline


Registered: 05/29/12
Posts: 59
Loc: nowheresville
Daniel - yeh,it felt good, though I think in my case it felt good because I was drunk and probably drugged from the painkillers. About the risky situations I´ve tried that too, wanted to make my father kill me but he would lost money if he killed me so here I am still alive and I´m glad you didn´t succeed in your plans too. Not sure if I would do that now. I´m thinking about it sometimes but that´s all I guess. Life sucks I know...As to the docs I have kinda similar experience with cops, I mean shouldn´t they be those who help and protect?! The world is a crazy place...

Hang on there
Alex
_________________________
Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end. I hate what I´ve become, the nightmare´s just begun...-Skillet-

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#399202 - 06/02/12 12:34 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: Daniel_forgotten]
pufferfish Online   embarrased
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Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6705
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: Daniel_forgotten
i canpt believe this hasn't been banned and i'm glad.
attempts is something most of us are afraid of talking about but there are some reflexions about it that i believe are important.

I don't know about you guys, but i felt a weird "state of peace" like i never felt before after a couple of times I tried to do it. Like everything was ok and like all my parts (I dissociate) were working as a team at least that night. It was like the calm that comes after the shock. Has anyone else felt like this?

I know my first try was at 10, but I can't remember any details, only that my dad (who was also one of the perps) prevented it (because despite everything, i think he loves me) and i spent some time at hospital (where doctors knew about me and him, but didn't tell).

I tried twice as a teenager just because I couldn't stand my situation in foster homes and the double life I was leading when they went to bed... and I missed my crazy sick home.

2009 was a bad year. I tried 3 times i think. I dont know.. I was trying to die all the time actually... put myself in a lot of risky situations. The time I almost did it I found my parts working together and conforting each other after we got out of hospital. We (I) started my diary then.

I would like to know how you feel about s.... for me, it's like the norm more than being in shock.. I am relieved now that I promised myself I don't have to *force* myself to be alive... if , at some point, I decide it's too bad for me, I could just.. well you know. Not sure I can say more in these boards.


In my reply following, I'm not talking about the s... stuff. I'm talking about the fact that you all worked together and that you remember it now in a time sequence.

This is tremendous!! I didn't realize it when I first read it, but your reply to this thread shows more than anything else I've heard you say that you are getting over "it". This statement shows tremendous self insight as to what's going on inside of you. It means that you are much closer to healing than I had before realized.

Quote:

I found my parts working together and conforting each other after we got out of hospital. We (I) started my diary then.


At some level you see the WHOLE PLAN of yourself. You know what they dynamics are. At some level you have GOT IT.

WOW! Thank you.

Allen




Edited by pufferfish (06/02/12 11:39 PM)

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#399225 - 06/02/12 10:33 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
lapchinj Online   content
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Edited by lapchinj (03/16/13 05:19 PM)
_________________________
Depression Feels Like Home, and Happiness is Just a Place You Visit

It will get better....

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#463148 - 03/25/14 02:51 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
jas4159 Offline


Registered: 06/16/11
Posts: 244
oh yea it is possible. been there, tried to hang myself when i was 12 - the rope broke and i never told anyone. later in my thirties twice i accidentally overdosed on prescriptions drugs.
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rich

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#463877 - 04/08/14 09:38 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
I Want 2 Thrive Offline


Registered: 04/04/14
Posts: 27
Loc: Florida, U.S.A
I was 9 the first time I tried to kill myself. I jumped off a train bridge. Result I broke my ankle when I hit the water, If I stayed on the bridge another 2 minutes I would have been hit by an ore train.

At 11 I free climbed the face of lovers leap at Starved Rock State Park. I had climbed out under a ledge so that I would miss the trees. I was just about to let go, to fall the several hundred feet into the Rock River, when hands came over the side of the ledge and grabbed me. For the record, I was not visible under that ledge, and I was not calling for help. To this day I do not know how they knew I was there.

At 16 I rode my bike down a trail with the intent of hitting the rocks at the bottom of the cliff, instead I clipped a log on the trail and wiped out. All I got was a concussion, and short term memory loss.

Was I really trying, I think so. Still, Both my mother's family and even my ball busting step-monster were catholic. I didn't want my family stained by a suicide. But an accident that would be tragically acceptable. After each of the three attempts I had the same emotional result feelings of; shame, guilt, and abject failure. Oh, and my family dismissed me as a clutz.

I have to look back at my young adult years, I was a HUGE adrenaline junky / risk taker. Was I suicidal or just proving I was still alive, I do not know.


I am so grateful I survived. I have had too much in my life taken from me, without adding to the balance sheet.
_________________________
Izzy

After 40 years of just living with it, I am "ready to thrive"
"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind" C.S. Lewis

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#463911 - 04/09/14 07:22 PM Re: . [Re: onlyakid]
jas4159 Offline


Registered: 06/16/11
Posts: 244
i was thirteen when i seriously contemplated it. Accidentally overdosed in my
forties.

I played Russian roulette in my teens.
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Thanks

rich

justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com

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