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#391910 - 04/02/12 01:35 PM counselling - supporting a survivor - help
Kazbob12 Offline


Registered: 03/19/12
Posts: 42
Hi all,

I'm wanting some feedback and insight into the after effects of undertaking counselling sessions. My partner was sexually abused on a weekly if not daily basis by his neighbour and family friend for around 8yr.... could b longer as he cant actually remember when it started.

He has attended his first counselling session today with MIND, with some predictable after results. He has disappeared for 3 hours to the pub come back (after I tracked him down n told him I needed him to return so I could pick my son up) and told me he has to return to the pub in his home town which is 15mins away to sort an ongoing grievance with someone he has seen in there. In other words there has been a scuffle as he put it and a fight arranged.

Of course I have refused to take him and after some name calling on his part and blame passed onto me he has took him self off to bed. He has said he can understand why he feels like shit, doesn't know where he wants to be and went to this pub as this is where he felt safe!

I suppose what I am looking for are peoples experiences through counselling and the after effects of the sessions, how best I can support him through these feelings and also protect myself. I would be most appreciateive of any advice, feedback, examples etc etc.

Much love and many thanks

Karen

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#391914 - 04/02/12 02:23 PM Re: counselling - supporting a survivor - help [Re: Kazbob12]
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 751
Loc: michigan
it has stirred me up pretty good too, I ve been in T now about three months and there are more better days now then at first they tell me this is normal so I ll tell you the same
good uch and heal well
jeff
_________________________
Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"
Herman Melville

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#391917 - 04/02/12 02:39 PM Re: counselling - supporting a survivor - help [Re: newground]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1617
the sessions can be unsettling at first--knowing what is buried deep inside and not wanting to bring out causes an internal battle, I felt sick and worthless. The secrets I carried were there and I was fighting talking about the abuse. Going home was even more unsettled, I had fear, was afraid of those around me, what they knew--which was only one part of the effects of the abuse-was used to torment me. I would go to bed, not sleep, have flashbacks, etc--but I did not give up thought about it but met some wonderful people who have been there for me--so it was a long internal battle, hated myself but now I am in much better place-I like myself and can accept the abuse as not being my fault. And as for everything else that was inflicted on me over the past five years--it is their shame and not mine--when I first began I thought is was my fault and shame-but no more. So he is going through a difficult period, takes time and it sounds like you are there for him in the home--envious of those who have that--but make sure you get help--competent help and someone who understands CSA and PTSD,not some self proclaiming I know everything doctor--it will destroy you and him.

Give him time, he will have better days--the hard part is not giving up because sometimes the good days seem so far apart. Good luck and have him come here--the forum and chat room when one is in a bad way, can help-hearing from others who have been there.

take care and keep healing.


Edited by KMCINVA (04/02/12 03:03 PM)

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#391928 - 04/02/12 04:26 PM Re: counselling - supporting a survivor - help [Re: KMCINVA]
Kazbob12 Offline


Registered: 03/19/12
Posts: 42
Thanks KMCINVA,
you have basically just described what he has gone through today. After his session he said he felt sick inside like his stomache was turning inside out. I explained that this is the effect of facing up to the emotion and experiences that have been buried for so long (28yr!). Hats off to him he went without a smoke (joint) which he was told would have to be the case and I explained the reasons behind this. I think what I am worried about is that he has had no preperation for the after effects of what is happening after the sessions. I'm so scared that if this doesnt 'work' for him an he has accessed the wrong service then it will be more detrimental to him. The service he has accessed has assured me they are capable of dealing with CSA. However I'm now worried as to why he has not been told about the possible effects after sessions etc etc.

I have assured him I will stick by him no matter what as long as he is seeking the help he desperately needs.

He tried to blame me for pushing him into it today, albeit in drink, which really hurt saying it was all my fault he was like this today. I would hate to think I had pushed him into anything. But I no deep down this is probably all part and parcel of the anxiety he is feeling towards facing up to what happened. He did say he didn't no whether he was ready and whether he could face up to it again. I'm worried as well about him 'acting' out in anger which I feel was the reason behind this arranged fight tonight. It was either that or it was a 'yarn' for me to take him back to his 'safe'place.......the pub! They said to him it is normally 12 weeks for the counselling, however, he does acknowledge that he will need longer. I'm just so scared that I may have directed him unknowingly to the wrong service.

I have mentioned the forum to him and hes not too keen at the minute, hes aware I'm seeking support here and he is fine with that. He's a bit computer illiterate as well bless him so I think this is also partly the reason he does not want to access the forum as yet.

Thanks for your support

Take care and much love xx

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#391929 - 04/02/12 04:28 PM Re: counselling - supporting a survivor - help [Re: Kazbob12]
Kazbob12 Offline


Registered: 03/19/12
Posts: 42
Newground,

Can I ask if you were prepared by your T regarding the after effects you may face after the sessions or has this been a process of learning for you too?

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