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#39188 - 06/11/03 01:51 AM Your Significant Other???
Sleepy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/08/02
Posts: 288
Loc: Arizona, USA
This is along the lines of MikeChurch's post on relaxing because I'd like to know more about your personal lives.

My question is how did you meet and fall in love with your partner? What was it that drew you to them? We always hear a lot about how it's hard to maintain our relationships, but we rarely hear about what made us fall in love with them. So what was it that made you want to be with them? I encourage all to respond to this. Both gay and straight memebers.

The reason I opened this thread is because I recently spent some time with a female friend of mine and for the first time in a long time I actually felt something. I'm not sure what it was but it felt good. Whether something actually works out is somewhat irrelevant right now. I'm just trying to enjoy the moment and the fact that I actually felt something. I can't stress it enough but I feel like these feelings are very fragile and I'm a bit scared that I won't let myself fall for someone.

So please share. I look forward to hearing some stories. Thanks.
Mike

_________________________
"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."
--Ursula K. Le Guin

"Mental health is a commitment to reality at all times."
--M. Scott Peck

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#39189 - 06/11/03 06:26 AM Re: Your Significant Other???
Ivanhoe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
Mike,

I'm not bragging when I say that I've got the best.

I fell in love with every girl I went with in the sense that I tried to visualize what it would be like to be with them--married.

My spouse and I literally grew up together.
Her dad directed the church choir and her Mom and my Mom sang while my Dad babysat us kids in the belcony.

We moved away when I was 8 and 1/2 and she was 6 and 1/2. It was her sister that I was gong to marry when we were six.

I didn't see her family until I got out of the service when I was 23. While driving back from NY, I stopped in Fargo to see how everybody had grown up. It was "little" Ranata and I who ended up talking through the night.

It was two years later that we were married and that will be 38 years ago, come the 28th of August.

She has been my best friend, lover and confidant, except for the most private aspects of my abuse.

For a guy that's 27 years old, that's quite an accomplishment, huh?

Actually, I'm nearly feeling my 63 years tonight because of the three hours of lawn mowing and weed wacking today.

Good luck to you, Mike.

If I were your dad, or your big brother, which I am, I would counsel you to find a partner who is, or can be, your friend--then fall in love.

Viva l'amore,

David

_________________________
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

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#39190 - 06/11/03 09:38 AM Re: Your Significant Other???
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA
I never went on a date in high school or the four years after I left school before returning and starting college. My brother and a friend fixed me up on a date when I was 22. Relationships never got very far, stumbling over intimacy or sex.

When I was 28 working for the government I saw a young woman walk past my cubicle. My heart stopped and I had to sit down. I had barely glimpsed her and I knew I would marry her.

She had been at a job interview and she started working in an office down the hall from mine. Her office had the only fax machine in the division (in 1988), and my office produced a lot of press releases that the financial industry just eats up. So each time we made a release, I graciously volunteered to take all the phone numbers for requested faxes down the hall. Susie sat near the fax machine. \:\)

I did ask her out, and she turned me down because she had a boy friend. I expected she would, she's beautiful. So I suggested we join each other for lunch sometimes.

Her boyfriend (ex-fiancé) sometimes cheated on her, and really didn't recognize how fortunate he was. Eventually I got to meet her roommate and her cat, whom the boy friend hated. I love cats, and I knew I'd make the most of meeting Onyx. He and I played on and on, him "attacking" my hand or a paper bag I scratched while I would chat with Susie.

Eventually she broke up with the boyfriend and a few months later we rented a house together. Less than a year later I proposed just before we made a trip to visit my future mother in law for Susie's birthday. In the two years that followed the proposal we got married, bought our first house, and had our first child, a son.

I literally recognized her as my wife from the glimpse I got when she walked by that day in 1988. I waited to tell her how I planned it until after we were married.

And my mother in law has been a great accomplice in several surprises over the years.

Folks, I have been blessed far beyond anything I could possibly deserve. Thanks for the reminder, Mike.

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#39191 - 06/11/03 10:13 AM Re: Your Significant Other???
Sleepy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/08/02
Posts: 288
Loc: Arizona, USA
Now see, these posts are a real treat to read. Keep 'em coming. This way we really get to know the people behind the keyboard.
mike

_________________________
"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."
--Ursula K. Le Guin

"Mental health is a commitment to reality at all times."
--M. Scott Peck

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#39192 - 06/11/03 11:05 AM Re: Your Significant Other???
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
Sleepy,

I feel in love with my wife the second I saw her. Something about the gold sparkle she has in her eye's. She was pregent at the time, and I was a love sick puppy. At first she didnt want anything to do with me. She thought I was gay, and just wanted to use her to hide from it. It took me months of trying to show her how much I cared before she understood that the love I was telling her I had was really love. But 17 years and 3 kids later, I feel even more love for her(even if I am a butt head and dont show it the way I should). Great post, thanks for starting it.
James

_________________________
I have more issues than Rolling Stone!


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#39193 - 06/11/03 12:32 PM Re: Your Significant Other???
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
James
I'm going to "kick some butt" first ;\) Your other post lists "being born" as the one thing you'd change, You're winding us up there aren't you ?? \:D

Sleepy
We were very 'traditional' - both drunk at a college end of term dance.
I, apparently, was very very drunk and doing all kinds of tricks such as falling down and vomiting.
I was a real charmer I can tell you :rolleyes:
But somehow I got to drive her home, ( the drink driving laws were new and still considered an infringement on our liberties back then ) and I managed to get a 'phone number.

I think it was the ability she had to get e into the drivers seat and then trust me enough to drive her that made the initial impression on me, and the fact she could drink as much as me.

But once we'd got over the hangovers it was clear to both of us just how good we were together.

29 years of marriage must mean something ?

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#39194 - 06/11/03 12:46 PM Re: Your Significant Other???
joeybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/03
Posts: 8
Loc: FLA
Mike what a wonderful topic . I will share what i can here .I met my life long friend and wife shortly after my eighteeth birthday she was in a relationship that was making her unhappy and she soon ended it i got the courage and asked her out we went to the movies and dinner it was love from the beganing at least for me we dated for about a year and i knew i my heart that this woman would be my wife one day . Well that was 24yrs ago and yes i have been able too share my past with her and she has also shared hers with me you see we are both SA victims but even if this was not a shared thing i know that we where ment for each other We have gone though quite abit together and with what i have experanced with this woman most would not understand for there is true love that i cannot explain to others in words . The main thing that we have experanced is you must be friends first and then and only then will love follow take each day as it comes and let your heart be the leader in your relationship be truthful and share what you can about your passed for with this info she can truely see the person you are but do take it slow my friend and brother wolf oh and the day of my marriage is coming soon june 23 ,1979 and i would not change athing in my life

_________________________
THE PAIN WE FEEL MAY NEVER LEAVE US BUT WE WILL SORVIVE WITH BROTHERHOOD . HUGS TOO MY BREOTHERS

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#39195 - 06/11/03 07:09 PM Re: Your Significant Other???
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Hey Sleepy Mike!

What a marvelous idea this thread is!

In a way my wife and I got married becuz of ping-pong (table tennis)!

When I met my wife of 23 years I had just come off
a brief but bad marriage, and my last attempts at dating relationships of any kind had not been good
especially the last one. I had just become a Christian, was a semester into Bible college, and the only thing I wanted to study was books!

Or so I thot...

Then I met my wife at a fall orientation session where we current students welcomed the new students to the campus, tried to help them feel at ease & get adjusted.

What immediately stood out about her was how totally opposite she seemed (and was) from my ex-wife or anyone I had ever dated or even been interested in.

She was not the kind of girl I had ever thot I would be interested in. If I was gonna be interested in anybody.

Well, we managed to "somehow" keep bumping into each other and hanging around together in the same groups & at the same activities. She was shy but definitely interested in me. I was in denail but definitely interested in her. We would play ping-pong & foosball & stuff at the same time, sometimes eat lunch "together" at the same table in the cafeteria.

Then I started getting nervous we were getting to close and started just ignoring her, for all of a few days! Figured it was better before we got "too serious." She didn't pursue me but she was still there. Damn did I get jealous when other guys flirted with her & asked her out!

So a mutual friend came to us and told me that I knew we were supposed to be together and if I didn't get my act together I was gonna lose her. (No my wife would never have put anyone up to something like that!).

Well, I asked her to sit with me at lunch again. We started playing ping-pong & stuff again.

There was this fella who since day one had kept asking her out & she'd kept saying no. He knew we kinda liked each other & he was always trying to show me up in ping pong & stuff.

But the dummy would try to show my wife up too. No dice. She was a good player & beat me more often than not.

Well, one game he was trying to outslam her, rather unsuccessfully. But then my wife let loose with a slam that sailed, and hit this guy right between the eyes. My poor wife was trying hard not to laugh. I was trying, but not very hard!

It seems like somehow that broke whatever thin layer of ice there was between us. Within weeks I asked her to marry me, which happened a few months
later.

Here we are, over 23 years later, in spite of the pain in the arse I can be sometimes, happily married with two terrific grown daughters!

Yeah I do have a lot to be thankful for!

Thanks again for this post Mike, a great reminder of what I do have, as well as a great way for us all to get to know each other better.

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#39196 - 06/11/03 09:59 PM Re: Your Significant Other???
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Mike I gotta say this post is a beaut.

It is good to see so many stories.

I was 25 years old and had just returned from working for 2 years for a bank in Jamaica. Remeber I got cleaned up and off the street when I was 21. I lied about my past to get into the bank. By the time I had returned from Jamaica I was a very heavy drinker.

I was transferred to a bank branch in Ottawa, not 1/4 mile from where I worked as a male prostitute. The first day I walked into the branch I saw this absolutely drop dead gorgeous french canadian girl called Nicole. She was the Manager's secretary and I was a nobody. I joked with her and kept talking about a date. We met the first time on March 16 1966, got engaged October 18,1966 and married June 17,1967. It will be 36 years in less than a week.

She has been my rock and stood by me through every goddamned thing that I did. My alcoholism my despair , my lies, my self loathing and all.

In 1980 our daughter Tanya arrived and still I hid my past. It was not until I was 58 that I let them in on it. That was after going to group therapy for two years.

Like I have told others here. Had I not met her I know I would be dead by now. She has given me a reason to be whole as has my daughter. Now I know I will have to give my daughter away but by so doing I will gain a son and grandchildren and by then I hope I can have all my dignity back.

I gotta stop now. I am running on. When you find the right person hang on for dear life cause you will reap rewards a thousand fold.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#39197 - 06/12/03 12:58 AM Re: Your Significant Other???
Sleepy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/08/02
Posts: 288
Loc: Arizona, USA
I am very impressed with the responses thus far. However I'm not about to let this post die an early death. There are plently more people that frenquent this site that could greatly add to this thread. So come on guys (and girls too!) tell your story. I think we can all stand to hear some more heart warming stories. I won't rest until we get a least a few more.
Mike

_________________________
"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."
--Ursula K. Le Guin

"Mental health is a commitment to reality at all times."
--M. Scott Peck

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