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#39188 - 06/11/03 01:51 AM Your Significant Other???
Sleepy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/08/02
Posts: 288
Loc: Arizona, USA
This is along the lines of MikeChurch's post on relaxing because I'd like to know more about your personal lives.

My question is how did you meet and fall in love with your partner? What was it that drew you to them? We always hear a lot about how it's hard to maintain our relationships, but we rarely hear about what made us fall in love with them. So what was it that made you want to be with them? I encourage all to respond to this. Both gay and straight memebers.

The reason I opened this thread is because I recently spent some time with a female friend of mine and for the first time in a long time I actually felt something. I'm not sure what it was but it felt good. Whether something actually works out is somewhat irrelevant right now. I'm just trying to enjoy the moment and the fact that I actually felt something. I can't stress it enough but I feel like these feelings are very fragile and I'm a bit scared that I won't let myself fall for someone.

So please share. I look forward to hearing some stories. Thanks.
Mike

_________________________
"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."
--Ursula K. Le Guin

"Mental health is a commitment to reality at all times."
--M. Scott Peck

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#39189 - 06/11/03 06:26 AM Re: Your Significant Other???
Ivanhoe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
Mike,

I'm not bragging when I say that I've got the best.

I fell in love with every girl I went with in the sense that I tried to visualize what it would be like to be with them--married.

My spouse and I literally grew up together.
Her dad directed the church choir and her Mom and my Mom sang while my Dad babysat us kids in the belcony.

We moved away when I was 8 and 1/2 and she was 6 and 1/2. It was her sister that I was gong to marry when we were six.

I didn't see her family until I got out of the service when I was 23. While driving back from NY, I stopped in Fargo to see how everybody had grown up. It was "little" Ranata and I who ended up talking through the night.

It was two years later that we were married and that will be 38 years ago, come the 28th of August.

She has been my best friend, lover and confidant, except for the most private aspects of my abuse.

For a guy that's 27 years old, that's quite an accomplishment, huh?

Actually, I'm nearly feeling my 63 years tonight because of the three hours of lawn mowing and weed wacking today.

Good luck to you, Mike.

If I were your dad, or your big brother, which I am, I would counsel you to find a partner who is, or can be, your friend--then fall in love.

Viva l'amore,

David

_________________________
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

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#39190 - 06/11/03 09:38 AM Re: Your Significant Other???
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA
I never went on a date in high school or the four years after I left school before returning and starting college. My brother and a friend fixed me up on a date when I was 22. Relationships never got very far, stumbling over intimacy or sex.

When I was 28 working for the government I saw a young woman walk past my cubicle. My heart stopped and I had to sit down. I had barely glimpsed her and I knew I would marry her.

She had been at a job interview and she started working in an office down the hall from mine. Her office had the only fax machine in the division (in 1988), and my office produced a lot of press releases that the financial industry just eats up. So each time we made a release, I graciously volunteered to take all the phone numbers for requested faxes down the hall. Susie sat near the fax machine. \:\)

I did ask her out, and she turned me down because she had a boy friend. I expected she would, she's beautiful. So I suggested we join each other for lunch sometimes.

Her boyfriend (ex-fiancé) sometimes cheated on her, and really didn't recognize how fortunate he was. Eventually I got to meet her roommate and her cat, whom the boy friend hated. I love cats, and I knew I'd make the most of meeting Onyx. He and I played on and on, him "attacking" my hand or a paper bag I scratched while I would chat with Susie.

Eventually she broke up with the boyfriend and a few months later we rented a house together. Less than a year later I proposed just before we made a trip to visit my future mother in law for Susie's birthday. In the two years that followed the proposal we got married, bought our first house, and had our first child, a son.

I literally recognized her as my wife from the glimpse I got when she walked by that day in 1988. I waited to tell her how I planned it until after we were married.

And my mother in law has been a great accomplice in several surprises over the years.

Folks, I have been blessed far beyond anything I could possibly deserve. Thanks for the reminder, Mike.

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#39191 - 06/11/03 10:13 AM Re: Your Significant Other???
Sleepy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/08/02
Posts: 288
Loc: Arizona, USA
Now see, these posts are a real treat to read. Keep 'em coming. This way we really get to know the people behind the keyboard.
mike

_________________________
"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."
--Ursula K. Le Guin

"Mental health is a commitment to reality at all times."
--M. Scott Peck

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#39192 - 06/11/03 11:05 AM Re: Your Significant Other???
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
Sleepy,

I feel in love with my wife the second I saw her. Something about the gold sparkle she has in her eye's. She was pregent at the time, and I was a love sick puppy. At first she didnt want anything to do with me. She thought I was gay, and just wanted to use her to hide from it. It took me months of trying to show her how much I cared before she understood that the love I was telling her I had was really love. But 17 years and 3 kids later, I feel even more love for her(even if I am a butt head and dont show it the way I should). Great post, thanks for starting it.
James

_________________________
I have more issues than Rolling Stone!


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#39193 - 06/11/03 12:32 PM Re: Your Significant Other???
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
James
I'm going to "kick some butt" first ;\) Your other post lists "being born" as the one thing you'd change, You're winding us up there aren't you ?? \:D

Sleepy
We were very 'traditional' - both drunk at a college end of term dance.
I, apparently, was very very drunk and doing all kinds of tricks such as falling down and vomiting.
I was a real charmer I can tell you :rolleyes:
But somehow I got to drive her home, ( the drink driving laws were new and still considered an infringement on our liberties back then ) and I managed to get a 'phone number.

I think it was the ability she had to get e into the drivers seat and then trust me enough to drive her that made the initial impression on me, and the fact she could drink as much as me.

But once we'd got over the hangovers it was clear to both of us just how good we were together.

29 years of marriage must mean something ?

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#39194 - 06/11/03 12:46 PM Re: Your Significant Other???
joeybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/03
Posts: 8
Loc: FLA
Mike what a wonderful topic . I will share what i can here .I met my life long friend and wife shortly after my eighteeth birthday she was in a relationship that was making her unhappy and she soon ended it i got the courage and asked her out we went to the movies and dinner it was love from the beganing at least for me we dated for about a year and i knew i my heart that this woman would be my wife one day . Well that was 24yrs ago and yes i have been able too share my past with her and she has also shared hers with me you see we are both SA victims but even if this was not a shared thing i know that we where ment for each other We have gone though quite abit together and with what i have experanced with this woman most would not understand for there is true love that i cannot explain to others in words . The main thing that we have experanced is you must be friends first and then and only then will love follow take each day as it comes and let your heart be the leader in your relationship be truthful and share what you can about your passed for with this info she can truely see the person you are but do take it slow my friend and brother wolf oh and the day of my marriage is coming soon june 23 ,1979 and i would not change athing in my life

_________________________
THE PAIN WE FEEL MAY NEVER LEAVE US BUT WE WILL SORVIVE WITH BROTHERHOOD . HUGS TOO MY BREOTHERS

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#39195 - 06/11/03 07:09 PM Re: Your Significant Other???
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Hey Sleepy Mike!

What a marvelous idea this thread is!

In a way my wife and I got married becuz of ping-pong (table tennis)!

When I met my wife of 23 years I had just come off
a brief but bad marriage, and my last attempts at dating relationships of any kind had not been good
especially the last one. I had just become a Christian, was a semester into Bible college, and the only thing I wanted to study was books!

Or so I thot...

Then I met my wife at a fall orientation session where we current students welcomed the new students to the campus, tried to help them feel at ease & get adjusted.

What immediately stood out about her was how totally opposite she seemed (and was) from my ex-wife or anyone I had ever dated or even been interested in.

She was not the kind of girl I had ever thot I would be interested in. If I was gonna be interested in anybody.

Well, we managed to "somehow" keep bumping into each other and hanging around together in the same groups & at the same activities. She was shy but definitely interested in me. I was in denail but definitely interested in her. We would play ping-pong & foosball & stuff at the same time, sometimes eat lunch "together" at the same table in the cafeteria.

Then I started getting nervous we were getting to close and started just ignoring her, for all of a few days! Figured it was better before we got "too serious." She didn't pursue me but she was still there. Damn did I get jealous when other guys flirted with her & asked her out!

So a mutual friend came to us and told me that I knew we were supposed to be together and if I didn't get my act together I was gonna lose her. (No my wife would never have put anyone up to something like that!).

Well, I asked her to sit with me at lunch again. We started playing ping-pong & stuff again.

There was this fella who since day one had kept asking her out & she'd kept saying no. He knew we kinda liked each other & he was always trying to show me up in ping pong & stuff.

But the dummy would try to show my wife up too. No dice. She was a good player & beat me more often than not.

Well, one game he was trying to outslam her, rather unsuccessfully. But then my wife let loose with a slam that sailed, and hit this guy right between the eyes. My poor wife was trying hard not to laugh. I was trying, but not very hard!

It seems like somehow that broke whatever thin layer of ice there was between us. Within weeks I asked her to marry me, which happened a few months
later.

Here we are, over 23 years later, in spite of the pain in the arse I can be sometimes, happily married with two terrific grown daughters!

Yeah I do have a lot to be thankful for!

Thanks again for this post Mike, a great reminder of what I do have, as well as a great way for us all to get to know each other better.

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#39196 - 06/11/03 09:59 PM Re: Your Significant Other???
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Mike I gotta say this post is a beaut.

It is good to see so many stories.

I was 25 years old and had just returned from working for 2 years for a bank in Jamaica. Remeber I got cleaned up and off the street when I was 21. I lied about my past to get into the bank. By the time I had returned from Jamaica I was a very heavy drinker.

I was transferred to a bank branch in Ottawa, not 1/4 mile from where I worked as a male prostitute. The first day I walked into the branch I saw this absolutely drop dead gorgeous french canadian girl called Nicole. She was the Manager's secretary and I was a nobody. I joked with her and kept talking about a date. We met the first time on March 16 1966, got engaged October 18,1966 and married June 17,1967. It will be 36 years in less than a week.

She has been my rock and stood by me through every goddamned thing that I did. My alcoholism my despair , my lies, my self loathing and all.

In 1980 our daughter Tanya arrived and still I hid my past. It was not until I was 58 that I let them in on it. That was after going to group therapy for two years.

Like I have told others here. Had I not met her I know I would be dead by now. She has given me a reason to be whole as has my daughter. Now I know I will have to give my daughter away but by so doing I will gain a son and grandchildren and by then I hope I can have all my dignity back.

I gotta stop now. I am running on. When you find the right person hang on for dear life cause you will reap rewards a thousand fold.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#39197 - 06/12/03 12:58 AM Re: Your Significant Other???
Sleepy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/08/02
Posts: 288
Loc: Arizona, USA
I am very impressed with the responses thus far. However I'm not about to let this post die an early death. There are plently more people that frenquent this site that could greatly add to this thread. So come on guys (and girls too!) tell your story. I think we can all stand to hear some more heart warming stories. I won't rest until we get a least a few more.
Mike

_________________________
"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."
--Ursula K. Le Guin

"Mental health is a commitment to reality at all times."
--M. Scott Peck

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#39198 - 06/12/03 05:01 AM Re: Your Significant Other???
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
hello, this is jokers wife.... i think tis is a great thread. so of course i had to tell the other side of jokers story....lol

i was prego when i 1st met joker, and i met him at a friends house. he came in while i was talking to our mutual friend we had and he came over asking if he could join our conversation. i said yes and kept on talking. so he ask once again if he could interupt our in depth conversation. again i said yes but this time waited for him to say something, few seconds passed and nothing.as he said in his privious post i thought he was gay, so to just pick at him i just asked him to marry me out of the blue. he had been squatting down and just fell straight over.i laughed so hard thinking it was funny. after he got over the shock of my question he said yes, he said let me finish school and get a job so i can take care of you and the baby.(he was going to cosmitoligy school, 1 of the reasons i thought he was gay, the other was the way he looked and prissed around).
needless to say i was then shocked but blew it off. i soon went back to where i was staying wich was a placec for unwed pregnate mothers. i wasnt there 15 min.before i got a call frrom him i was a little shocked because i didnt give him my #. he just called to tell me how much he loved me and was serious about marring me and taking care of the baby. i told him he was crazy he was gay and he didnt know what love was, that he just met me and he "couldnt" love me. then i hung up the phone. thinking he was nuts.


after that every time i had plans to see this mutual friend somehow he was always there. it drove me nuts. well our friend ended up in jail and she had 3 kids that joker and i didnt want to end up in foster care , ,so joker stayed at there house sence he was over the age of 18. i was just 17 at the time. well her daughter called me up and asked if i could come stay there because joker didnt know how to cook and she didnt want to have to talk to him about things grls her age may need. so i moved in to help out. now after i moved in i thought it was the biggest mistake i had ever made sence he fallowed me everywhere like a little lost puppy dog. if i went to the ladies room he stood out side of the door the entire time i was there. i felt like i was being stalked. i told him on several occasions i only wanted to be friends and only friends. he would say thats fine but still fallow me around. finaly i wrote him a 3 page letter telling him off and how he was confused, he didnt love and if he hadnt figured it out yet itwas obvious he was gay.i told him we could be friends but only if he backed off, other wise i didnt want to have anything to do with him, plus that i was still in love with someone else.
he read the letter and afterwards i said i was sorry if i hurt his feelings but that was how i felt, he just looked at me with his great big eyes and grinned the biggest grin i ever saw and said thats ok i'll just try even harder.

i was like sheesh how can i get ride of this guy.

a few day latter we ran out of cigs so he went over to his dads and step moms house to steal some empty soda bottles of there pourch to redeam for the money to by cigs. he took scott one of our frinds sons with him. when he got back he handed me this huge bouquet of flours

well i just looked at them and layed them down and said thanks.....i didnt want to do anything to encourage him so i wasnt about to say how pretty they was or even smell them. after i laid them down i went into another room , scoot fallowed me in while joker picked up the flowers and proceded to put them in water. while doing so scott called me a cold hearted b*tch, that if i would take the time to look joker over i would see that he was injured, that he had gotten injuredwhile getting me these flowers. he had seen them on the way to the store in this ladies front yard and decided he was going to pick some for me. he had to sit back and choose the ones he wanted before he jumped the fence because there was 2 dogs in the yard. so he junped the fence and proceded to pick the flowers while these to dogs chases him around the yard trying to catch him. just as he got done and was jumping back over the fence one of the dobermins got him and bit into his anckle, leaving 2 puncture holes and ripping his jeans.


feeling like a real looser , ,i told him thank you again and that they was pretty. i looked at his leg and sure enough there was 2 puncture hole and blood everywhere. i told him i was sorry he got hurt.

a couple weeks later i went to go see the guy i was in love with and we talked about getting back together, i was so happy. well joker had constantly been telling me he loved me and i would just say thats nice, but i dont feelthe same way. well appon my arrival home i was in my own little world and thinking about my love, joker came up behind me and told me he loved just as he always did, but without thinking i said i love you too back to him. he started jumping upand down screaming at the top of his longsthat he loved meand he knew he would win me over. i felt soooooooooooooo bad, but i didnt have the heart to tell him otherwise he was just so stinking happy i didnt want to hurt him. he asked me to say it again so i just started saying ditto, that was good enough for him he was on top of the world.
a week went by and this was still going on. i went to see my love and when i got there i noticed i didnt feel the same way as i usualy did when i saw him. nothing felt the same. when i returned home i saw joker standing there running towards me to give me a hug, atthat moment my heart lept into my throat and i knew i had done went and fell in love with him against my own better judgement. i felt so happy and sad at the same time. i told him that i needed a few min to think and i would be right back. i thought it over carefuly and new i had to tell him the trueth about it. so i mustard up the guts to tell him that when i had said i loved him the week before it was an accedent, but now, now i did love him and was telling him for the 1st time in total honesty that i love him. and how i knew. i thought i had done a good thing, to face up to the trueth, and to be totaly honest with him, he looked me square in the eyes with his cold empty blue eyes and told me to get oout of his face, he didnt want anything to do with me anymore. i was crushed. needless to say we got back together and here we are, almost 18 years and 3 kids later we are still together.

we have been threw hell and back together, and yes even at one point he thought he was gay like i thought, but it all worked out. i love him with all my heart and will continue to love him. i will be there for him when he needs me weather it be for a hug,to hold him while he cries or to help him ground when he is upset. i will do my best to protect him in every way i can. was it worth it or is it still worth it some has asked me, yes it has been and will continue to be. i love him heart mind and soul and nothing anyone has done to him or anything people will try to do to come between us will never pull us apart or change my love for him. he is now stuck with me like i was with him every where he goesi will be there . threw thick and thin, ,good times and bad.

on a side note.... about 3 yrs afterthe flower ordeal we moved to oklahoma where i grew up. i was in the middle of telling my parents the story of him picking the flowers for when when he fell over and just died laughing....after all the strange looks he got from everyone he then told us all that the 2 dobermins that chased him was actualy 2 min pins and he had caught his anckle on the prongs of the fence as he was jumping back over , thats was left the 2 holes , ripped his jeans and made him bleed, not the dogs.......lol

great thread, sorry i wrote so much, but i have to say that there is such a thing as love at 1st sight. joker swears by it and made a believer out of me.


Laura

_________________________
I have more issues than Rolling Stone!


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#39199 - 06/12/03 08:55 AM Re: Your Significant Other???
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
dont laugh guys I cant believe I am saying any of this

My first wife was wonderful, we met at school and I was studing vocal music, she violin and clarinet
I fell head over heals in love. The day she left ten years later about killed me. after the divorce she said we had a chance to get back together, it was a fat chance and i hurt more.
Well i was wondering if I was gay, so I went to this meeting and someone fell in love with me, but I wasnt gay, we moved in together and it didnt work, but stayed room mates.

I went on this men's retreat, and this women I knew from a year a go who I was ignoring for 6 months, I knew I had to call her. So from a cell phone in Canada, I called and said I loved her over and over on her machine. Even though she thought I was crazy at first, she was at my door step the next day in disbelief. Months later we moved in cause we couldnt aford two places, and we were married a year after the call. Six years later here I am.

So we met while I lived with this guy who thought he was in love with me, I realize who I was in love with. Kinda ironic.

Part of my heart is still with my first love, pain is there too the hurt was different than the abuse--- I miss her I will never miss the abuse!

My life At Least Parts

rainy days
running down my face
a scarecrow on my back

will I never
quit running
toward everything I feel I lack

sunny days
till i turnd five
my grandpappy and mammy took a trip

now those
days are gray and dark
and full of wicked things instead

years of abuse
fucked me up
but two things stand undone

both of my wives
love me
so now I see the sun

I wish things were
different and
I did not hurt so bad

but now I have
some love today
to heal the child and man

M. Joseph

By the way you guys give me love too thanks!

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#39200 - 06/12/03 10:19 AM Re: Your Significant Other???
guy43 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 450
Loc: Minnesota
Hey Mike,

It's cool to hear that you're allowing yourself to be and relate to your friend. If you haven't had many experiences of falling in love, whoa nelly, hang on dude... it's quite a ride, but worth it. The ups are thrilling, the downs are so painful... well worth the effort of facing the fears!!!

An interesting but painful topic for me. I've no real experience with an intimate relationship. Many girlfriends over the years, none lasted more than a few years. None were truly 'I'm in love' with this person, nor was I able to feel free and at ease to share my inner self. Now I've come to understand the deepest, more damaged parts of my psyche have left me unable to love in a meaningful (to me) manner. I've a lot of hope that I'll find more meaningful relationhips in the future. The stories here are triumphs indeed over the abuse we've suffered.

To those who had much love in their lives and have lost some or most of those s.o.'s. Be grateful for what you had, remember the good and try not to dwell on the failures.

Sometimes it makes me sad or angry, when I look back through my life and now, that many men here seem to have so much in their lives, and I've not nearly as much. I suppose some of us are more functionally able to play the game, or at least give that appearence. It is a message that healing from past traumas is possible.

It's rock n roll time Mike!


MJ,
Quote:
will I ever
quit running
from everything I feel I lack
It is so ironic that I/we don't know how to deal with or how to get what we need. It's a good kick in the pants for me, a sort of affirmation if I turn the stanza around:

I can
let myself walk
toward everything
I feel I lack.

thanks MJ, it's a great/sad poem. i hope you don't mind my converting it to a positive note.

jer


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#39201 - 06/12/03 11:03 AM Re: Your Significant Other???
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA
Quote:
Sometimes it makes me sad or angry, when I look back through my life and now, that many men here seem to have so much in their lives, and I've not nearly as much. I suppose some of us are more functionally able to play the game, or at least give that appearence. It is a message that healing from past traumas is possible.
Jer,

I don't know about any of the other guys who's in a committed relationship now, but I almost lost all that was most important to me, in part because of the ways I tried to relate/avoid relating to my wife. We're not really out of the woods yet, but I think we're at least walking together towards a clearing.

A lot of the difficulty came from attitudes and habits I developed over the years of hiding my sexual abuse victimization. If I could have started our relationship while aware of the things I needed to handle and at least having started to handle them in an appropriate manner, well, to quote another famous 20th Century American philospher, Ben (The Thing) Grimm, "If wishes wuz fishes we'd all ride for free." (Yeah, I know, but I like Ben's version. \:\) )

Thanks,

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#39202 - 06/12/03 12:43 PM Re: Your Significant Other???
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
I change a line, it was not writen right

I want to believe in what i have and think I dont have

I will keep looking at myself and learn that I do not lack those things


MJ

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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