how are you doing now, Randy?
i started this thread over 2 years ago and it is so strange to see it come up again. i have definitely progressed a lot since i first wrote about it. i hope you are better now, too? if it is still an issue for you, don't hesitate to keep working at it. it can get better.
"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself... And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." - Paulo Coelho