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#391572 - 03/31/12 12:52 AM .
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
.


Edited by Life's A Dream (01/12/13 11:13 PM)

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#391575 - 03/31/12 01:23 AM Re: How do you delete your profile? [Re: Life's A Dream]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3600
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey Life, you certainly belong here!
Don't be like that, what happen to feel like that?
_________________________
My story

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#391589 - 03/31/12 04:15 AM Re: How do you delete your profile? [Re: peroperic2009]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3322
Loc: somewhere in Africa
LAD - please don't get down on yourself. i would like for you to stay - unless the triggers are just tooo much and you really feel you'd be better off staying away.

Do what's best for you - but don't leave because of feeling you don't belong. You belong as much as any of us - unfortunately for you, but fortunately for us - since you've contributed significantly.

i hope it wasn't that other thread that brought this on. PM me if you need to talk it out.

LEE
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#391594 - 03/31/12 05:00 AM Re: How do you delete your profile? [Re: traveler]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Hi LAD

I remember your first post, you said that you were not certain that you were abused but had some memories of abuse.
Have you now realized that they are true, or have you discovered that they were not true?

If they are true, well then please stay here, trust me a lifetime of not dealing with abuse is far worse than a few months of bad memories and dealing with it.

Life after recovery is so much better. I am today a confident man that does not fear to talk to someone or does not fear confrontation. I am sober, clean, but most of all for the first time in my life, I can say I do actually love myself.
I do not fear hugging and loving my daughter because I now know that I am not a pervert.

LAD the only reason that you wouldn't belong here, is if you were a perpetrator. I pray that this is not the case, but from your first post, I say stick around.

Heal well
Martin
_________________________
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

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#391595 - 03/31/12 05:23 AM . [Re: whome]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
.


Edited by Life's A Dream (01/12/13 11:13 PM)

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#391599 - 03/31/12 06:12 AM Re: How do you delete your profile? [Re: Life's A Dream]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Don't force the issue, It will come as your mind is ready for it. Don't be to hasty and things will work themselves out.

What happened to me was that I was reading a post of one of the young guys and suddenly it was as if I was in a movie and all this stuff was happening. His story was exactly the same as mine, and his story triggered a whole new course of healing for me.

Just read and listen and something will make sense at some point.

Heal well
Martin
_________________________
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

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#391627 - 03/31/12 12:22 PM Re: How do you delete your profile? [Re: whome]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
LAD, recalling the abuse is a difficult task. The trauma, shame, blame, social stigma and desire to move away from the overwhelming controls of abuse makes remembering the event(s) problematic. Our memories are further affected by how old we were at the age of the abuse. Some survivors cannot completely forget the events of the abuse, others remember fragments, "flashes" of abuse, while others have total recall and may choose to continue to push back those memories for years and decades.

In your case, it seems there is an emotional recollection, the subconscious may still be holding the abuse from being recalled. This may be from a current living condition, stress at work, school or home. It can be that the conscious mind is not yet ready to recover. It may be that you are trying to hard in one area of recovery and that is not producing the results that you feel are necessary to healing.

Whatever the cause of this block LAD, I would suggest that you continue to process what you have in recollecting the abuse. Listen to your mother as she explains what happened, or have her write it down so you can review it without pressure or distraction. Sit with your emotions in a calming, mindful state and remember events around that age, reassuring yourself when the emotions become overwhelming that you are safe.

Whether it is here in the safety of MS or with a therapist or researching and personal work, please keep doing it. Recovery is a marathon, with checkpoints and reach out for help and support, it is not a horse race to be endured in a moment and then done.

Lad, a large complaint among survivors is that they do not feel they fit in, that the pieces of our "puzzle" do not fit with others, and we isolate and withdraw. It feels like that is what you are doing here.

I encourage you, no, I urge you for your safety and peace of mind to continue to recover. However, if you do feel it is time to leave MaleSurvivor, click on any Moderators username, click on View Profile and then Send a Private Message, and let us know what you need,

Sam
_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#391657 - 03/31/12 05:37 PM Re: How do you delete your profile? [Re: SamV]
mike13 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 419
Loc: California USA
Don't be so hard on yourself. I was gangraped by 5 people at knifepoint 36 years ago and I still to this day do not remember the attack. I am plenty of evedence that it happened but just because I can't remember it does not mean it did not happen. Let us help you on the journey to healing. Mike

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#391658 - 03/31/12 06:01 PM Re: How do you delete your profile? [Re: SamV]
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 797
Loc: North Texas
Hi LAD,
Just from what your mother told you, you belong here. But from the symptoms you listed I suspect you were abused by a male also.

I was raped at knife point. It took me awhile to figure out that even though only girls could be raped, that was what must happened to me. All this happened to me in 1968, when I was 11. At that time because of what happened when I got home, I was able to put that whole memory in a box, put tape on it and put it on a top self in the closet of my mind. While I knew what had happened, I stayed a way from the graphic memory of the rape. I did not escape having symptoms though.
symptoms:
Not being able to pee in a urinal if there are other guys present, I don't feel safe! If guys stay around I will pretend I have to shit, and go into a stall and latch the door to pee.

If guys get close to me, especially from the back side, I get extremely nerviness. Even if one of my best buddy's puts a hand on me, I immediately move so we are no longer touching.

I could go on, but I have to go mow the lawn.
I know you have a fantastis of wanting to be raped. When I wrote about my rape I did so in very graphic terms, if you decide to read it be very careful.

Take care,
Clifford
_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

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