LAD -

I'm gonna come clean here too -
hope it makes you feel better - makes me feel crappy - so i understand where you're coming from...

*** TRIGGERS ***

I have a fetish about underwear. it makes me feel really creepy to admit, but i get turned on jsut walking through that section of the mens's department of any store. Of course the poster-sized graphics and photos on the packaging don't help any! changing clothes in the presence of other guys is a trigger - even if everyone still has on their boxers or tighty whities.

this particular quirk started when i was molested at about 16 by a salesman in the fitting room of a menswear store. i'd already been repeatedly abused by others but not for the previous 3 years or so. but the hair-trigger reaction still worked. he made me take my pants off to try on a pair of pants i wanted to buy. he "let me" keep my underwear on. then he "took measurements" very slowly and thoroughly with a tape measure: waist, hips, INSEAM... and of course he had to make sure that everything would "fit" comfortably whether i was "relaxed or NOT." and he had to find out which side i "dressed" on... So i stood there in my jocky briefs with his hands all over me and watched it all happen in the 3-way mirrors...

but he stopped short of climax and i was left both relieved when he quit - and frustrated that my body needed release. and i was in a panic trying to stuff myself - still stiff - back into a pair of pants and zip up and get outta there. and then i hated myself for "wanting" it to have included the feel-good climax. cheated or robbed of the pay-off... he got his jollies but i didn't get any compensation. AAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWW - SO ashamed of that!

OK - so i'm a freak. and i've got a love/hate connection with underwear - there - i said it! only pro i can see to the situation is - it makes it really easy & inexpensive to find stuff instead of real porn to feed my compulsion. BUT the con is that - you guessed it - it makes it really easy & inexpensive to find stuff instead of real porn to feed my compulsion.

And don't feel bad, LAD - you didn't cause me to have to relive this - i needed to confess it anyway - and maybe it'll help you not feel so alone.

Lee

feeling shunned.
anybody out there?
say something...

PLEASE!!!

Hey dear Lee,
glad that you told us some things. I hope it wasn't so hard. Please take it easy and don't panic, you scare me with your flashy thoughts not with your compulsion !
We know you already don't feel shunned, nothing can change our thoughts about you, no matter about your "secrets". You are same Lee as ever to me !
Don't panic, relax and breath...
-----trigger warring-------
I don't have such fetish but my compulsion has been feed whit pictures/movies of terrible violent and dangerous male to male sex. It is hard for me to admit it but it is the true. I can't find proper words even to describe it here, because it is so graphic and inappropriate.
----------------------------
But that is me, there is specific reason why I've become like that and I'm brave enough to look my self in mirror, to be honest and to accept it. Just needed to tell you that we all have some dark side and that you certainly are not freak...
So you are aroused by underwear, it is not big deal. You know what, if you go to Japan you cwould be feeling very puritanical there comparing yourself with some "regular" folks there and their fetishism. There is huge subculture connected with it. No offense to Japan, I adore their culture...

I've found recently actually that staying in reality with our thoughts at time of compulsion is main way to fight it. That is very true for myself and very helpful. I'm working hard on it, the moment I'm feeling that something is approaching me I'm trying to be grounded and not to escape into world of my fantasies - and it is working.
I'm glad that you revealed yourself, believe in yourself and don't be scared of any side of you.
I wish I'm closer and able to give you some hug, so you please do it in my name: hug and give yourself some respect for being brave!

(((((Lee)))))

Pero

xoxo

Thanks again, Pero for throwing me a lilfe-line and speaking up about your area of vulnerability.

***staying in reality*** - i'm not even sure i know what that means any more. it keeps changing and i have a hard time keeping up...

Since i'm guilty of hijacking this - i'll try to get it back on track:

As Life's A Dream, Pero, and i have demonstrated - many, if not all of us have various triggers and different ways of "medicating" - so maybe we shouldn't be so fearful of sharing our secrets - after all, the biggest one - of being abused - ought to be the hardest one to get past. but sometimes there is something else that just feels to hard to share.

Thanks again,
Lee

Lee,

Lots of people have underwear fetishes. Most fetishes are hilarious but nothing wrong with them. Like the underwear fetish, there's nothing wrong with it. Just because it came from what happened that was bad in the past doesn't mean the fetish is bad and you should be ashamed to like it. The only shame needed is not getting arrested doing it. The fetish isn't wrong just the pedo. Now, if you stand naked with briefs on in JC Penney's looking at male underwear to get your jollies off, you might have a problem. Haha! Or, if you're in an airport bathroom tapping your foot...like Sen. Larry Craig. Hehe Those are fetishes but those two examples might get you arrested or just banned from JC Penneys. Yes, laugh.

.

.

Yes, LAD - i think what you're saying makes sense. very perceptive! a way of transforming the object with bad associations into something that gives pleasure - even if a guilty pleasure. Also fits with the SSA thing - and all the confusion & mixed messages & emotions with that!

And Phoenix - thanks for making me laugh! That disarms the perceived threat like nothing else. just picturing it... LOL

Lee

.

hey - underwear is NOT inescapable... you can always go commando!