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#389801 - 03/19/12 03:26 PM Recovered sexual abuse while undergoing therapy
atlanticcoast Offline


Registered: 03/19/12
Posts: 12
Hi,
I am new here. I have been in therapy for years having started it for depression years ago. I have also done a lot of holotropic breathwork. A few years into my therapy I discovered I had been sexually abused by my father in early childhood. This came to me emotionally. However I never recovered a direct memory of this.
Are there other people here who have uncovered sexual abuse while undergoing therapy?


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#389812 - 03/19/12 04:16 PM Re: Recovered sexual abuse while undergoing therapy [Re: atlanticcoast]
drc84 Offline


Registered: 12/23/11
Posts: 4
Hello and welcome. I too have been in therapy. I have no memories (yet) of the abuse. I have symptomes of abuse, such as the use of fantasties during sex which are abusive of myself and my wife. Allso I had a change in personality around 8 years old. I went from an outgoing kid to a depressed fearful kid. I recommend Mike Lew's book on male sexual abuse, the latest edition. I found that my fantasies were a reenactment in some form of the abuse. Hope this helps. Dario


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#389815 - 03/19/12 04:36 PM Re: Recovered sexual abuse while undergoing therapy [Re: drc84]
atlanticcoast Offline


Registered: 03/19/12
Posts: 12
Thanks Dario. Yea it's good to hear of someone else's experiences.


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#389823 - 03/19/12 05:16 PM Re: Recovered sexual abuse while undergoing therapy [Re: atlanticcoast]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1283
Hi, AC -

I went to therapy ostensibly to deal with grief issues with the sudden death of my father a few years back. My therapist was wonderful - he had me do all the work, guiding me with questions. His questions were tough - he was experienced enough to see when I was bullshitting him, when I was avoiding a topic. It was in one of the early sessions - a session in which I very reluctantly told him about my sexual experiences at the hands of an older neighborhood boy - that he essentially held up a mirror to me, reflecting back what I said. He just looked at me when I was finished talking - looked right into my eyes - and broke the silence by quietly saying, "So you were molested." Those exact words. I'll never forget it - it hit me like a thunderbolt, belying the casual matter-of-fact delivery of his pronouncement.

I didn't expect the tears to well up and overpower me right now as I write this - I guess it's still very powerful stuff...

My first response was something like, "Didn't you hear anything I just said?" Until then, it was MY fault. My fault an older boy kept having sex with me - my fault I couldn't save my little sister from him - my fault because I responded to his touch, because I didn't say "NO!" loudly enough or forcefully enough or physically enough. I was just a dirty little kid with dirty little secrets and my therapist was the first one I ever shared them with.

Grief issues? Let's talk about regret. Let's talk about a boy who was so ashamed of himself he couldn't face his father (no CSA issues with him). Let's talk about a boy who loved his father so much but didn't want his father to know him. The last words my father said to me - on what would be his last day alive - before being wheeled into a disaster of a surgery, were, "I don't know you as well I would have liked - but I know you love me." So I was left with that - all because my neighbor liked to party in my butt and I took all the shame for BOTH of us - perp and victim. I wonder if our molester feels shame now. For him it was all fun and we paid so dearly for that. He stole my relationship with my father, and ultimately my relationship with myself.

AC, I know the dynamics of your situation are different and I feel guilty for expounding on my own. But you did ask us to share - and I hope my response falls in line with the spirit of the thread. My journey has a bit of a twist that may or may not be anything you can relate to. But we both have regrets over the relationships we had with our fathers. Grief therapy? Indeed.

I remember telling my therapist - in fighting words - I wasn't just another victim and that I wasn't going to end up on Oprah spilling my guts. But I was a victim. It took a while - and a lot of work for that to sink in. I have since opened a dialog about the whole thing with my sister, who had similar issues dealing with it.

AC, I don't know where it goes. I don't know if there is such a thing as recovery. But I see a lot of people who look for adventure and pay dearly for it - safaris, zip-lining through the jungle, mountain climbing, exploring caves (spelunking). We are having an adventure though our own souls - our own past. Once I took that attitude, I was a little better prepared for the ride. It got rough (and still does), but I'm so much better for it. Maybe there is no recovery. Maybe there is only discovery. But if that's all there is, I'm there.

_________________________



Click my pic to see why I'm here

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#389829 - 03/19/12 06:06 PM Re: Recovered sexual abuse while undergoing therapy [Re: Chase Eric]
atlanticcoast Offline


Registered: 03/19/12
Posts: 12
Thanks Eric for sharing your story. I don't mind at all you sharing like this. When people share openly it encourages me to share also.


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#389915 - 03/20/12 09:56 AM Re: Recovered sexual abuse while undergoing therapy [Re: atlanticcoast]
claretblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/09
Posts: 97
Loc: UK
I also went into therapy approx 6 years ago for depression - it took 18 months to 2 years of therapy to realize how emotionally abusive & neglectful my own family were & after 3.5 years of therapy first flashbacks / body memories started to occur indicating sexual abuse at the hands of a male relative when I was approx 3 - 4 yrs old - I never thought that had happened as it had been buried that deep, although there have always been one or two indicators. A further 3.5 years later after the SA body memories started I still continue to have brutal episodes on a daily basis of that abuse & it is so clear now that it cant be denied no matter how much I wish it wasn't true.

I wish you all the best with your healing. There are a lot of knowledgeable people on here with sadly a lot of experience as to how to deal with the pain we suffer & their posts have been enormously helpful. Really hope that you find some solace.

_________________________
The more you're afraid of, the less you accomplish.

Taiwanese woman.

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#390874 - 03/26/12 06:27 PM Re: Recovered sexual abuse while undergoing therapy [Re: claretblue]
atlanticcoast Offline


Registered: 03/19/12
Posts: 12
Thanks claretblue for sharing that. Just wondering if you ever recovered the actual memory. I still haven't recovered the actual memory of the abuse although the emotions associated with it are a regular feature of my holotropic breathwork sessions.

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#390885 - 03/26/12 07:42 PM Re: Recovered sexual abuse while undergoing therapy [Re: atlanticcoast]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3319
Loc: back in the USA
YES, Atlanticcoast...

i knew there was something back there that i needed to know but didn't want to know. It reminded me of walking down a deserted street at night and hearing footsteps behind me - and being afraid to turn around to see what/who it was...

My first partial memories started to emerge when i was going through a period of deep depression - but those images were far from complete and quite fuszzy and lacking detail. That was part of what was depressing me and part of what forced me into therapy. More details and more memories of more events surfaced during that year of therapy. then i quit. Still more have come back years later after thinking i had finished all that. and now i am in therapy again for the past 6 mnths - and more memories and more details of old memories are coming up.

so - i'm not sure it is good news or bad news to you...?
BTW - not my real father - but the step-father was the 1st & longest-duration abuser for me, starting at 5 1/2 when mom remarried - until 13. there were others in the years to come - from 11 until the last event when i was about 16.

I guess for me it has been helpful to identify what i've been affected by all these years so i can deal with it directly. my T tells me my biggest battle is to identify, reject, destroy and counteract all the lies that others and i have been telling me and i have believed.

i wish you success on your quest!
Remember we are always here for you.
Lee

P.S. I meant to say, too, that some of the things that have helped me get my memory restored are:
1. reading books and articles - many listed on this site
2. writing about my life - everything i could remember - in longhand at first
3. talking about it
4. reading others posts on these forums
5. engaging in conversations with therapist, survivors on the forums, wife and a very carefully chosen and trustworthy friend



Edited by traveler (03/26/12 07:52 PM)
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#391179 - 03/28/12 11:54 AM Re: Recovered sexual abuse while undergoing therapy [Re: atlanticcoast]
claretblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/09
Posts: 97
Loc: UK
Hi AtlanticCoast,

****POSSIBLE TRIGGER****

I recovered some visual memories at the very early stages soon after the initial body memories started - whilst the visual memories have subsided greatly, in my case the body memories & similar locations to where the original assaults occur have only come to light more recently.

Virtually every time I have a bath for the last 15 months its happened & also for only the last 6 weeks virtually every time I use the workplace toilet (locked door) body memories start again. Thats no surprise at all as in a visual memory 2.5 yrs ago I saw an attack taking place in an old fashioned public toilet with white tiles & a locked door & the workplace toilet has white tiles & a locked door. For the past few months every time I've seen white tiles on TV programs it has set off PTSD shaking & other graphic symptoms & this is further verification.

The body & mind will release stuff in its own time. All the best for your recovery.
_________________________
The more you're afraid of, the less you accomplish.

Taiwanese woman.

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