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#391168 - 03/28/12 10:15 AM Difficulty working
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
Ive seen some books say difficulty holding a job can be an effect of abuse. But my problem is difficulty working, I seem to be slower in my pace at work, making mistakes and slow to pick up new things. It's frustrating, I guess this is similar but does anyone else have this problem. It doesn't help my esteem when I keep wondering if they are going to fire me.
_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#391184 - 03/28/12 01:09 PM Re: Difficulty working [Re: onlyakid]
Publius Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 425
Loc: OH
Difficulty holding a job is certainly one of the potential problems associated with victims of CSA. Sometimes this is due to an addiction, compulsive behavior, or any of the many mental disorders that can arise as an aftereffect in adulthood. Unfortunately, individuals suffering from these problems often do not connect their disorders to the abuse that caused them. As such, they think it is something that is simply wrong with them when it has more to do with what happened to them in the past. In addition, those around them don't know and/or understand the implications of a history of abuse so they chalk their behavior up as "lazy" or "incompetent." What they don't realize is a history of CSA is practically a handicap.

Personally, I am extremely self conscious in social situations, including work. My emotions run high at almost all times, which can be distracting. If I am able to curb the anxiety/depression in order to focus in on my work I can do great things but getting there is often an issue. However, I want you to know I completely understand how you feel. Heck, sometimes I am so worried my supervisors will hate, and yes, even love my work that I hesitate to complete it. Contempt and praise are hard things for me to take : /

I genuinely believe the solution to our problem is rooted in recovery. CSA victims adopt a lot of maladaptive mental and behavioral habits that are counter-productive to almost every element of our lives. Thus, addressing the CSA itself instead of its various after effects can ultimately serve to mitigate or even remove them as a factor in our lives. I've been told recovery is possible and so I have faith this is true. I know firsthand how hard it is to believe this given our circumstances. But even in the darkest times, we give ourselves hope. That is the meaning of inner strength.
_________________________
"Life is like this dark tunnel. You may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place." ~ General Iroh

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#391185 - 03/28/12 01:23 PM Re: Difficulty working [Re: Publius]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2503
Loc: Denver, CO
my concentration level is practically zero. i can't seem to focus on the job at hand anymore.
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the story
    https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013

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#391217 - 03/28/12 06:29 PM . [Re: MarkK]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
.


Edited by Life's A Dream (01/12/13 11:16 PM)

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#391230 - 03/28/12 07:51 PM Re: Difficulty working [Re: Life's A Dream]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3513
Loc: somewhere in Africa
For me, work has not been a challenge in the same way you're describing. i go to the other extreme - total obsession, perfectionsim and workaholism as an escape from thinking about anything else. It has workewd great for me!!!

EXCEPT - that it makes me hard to live with, hard to work with in a team or collaborative arrangement, i find it almost impossible to delegate cuz i've gotta CONTROL everything! So - opposite extreme - i concentrate on the job or project or hobby or whatever to the point that it becomes a surrogate for having a life.

I DO have the same kind of difficulties and feelings you describe in social settings and relationships (WHAT RELATIONSHIPS!!!???)always on guard, never let the defenses down, unable to have casual conversations or let anyone get too close, feeling distanced and excluded and awkward and out-of-it. Give me a script and i'm OK. don't want to leave anything to chance. no surprises or improvisation PLEASE!

Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#391321 - 03/29/12 05:01 AM Re: Difficulty working [Re: Publius]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Publius, I know how you feel. People thought that of me when I desperately wanted help and didn't find it. The eventually fired me/laid me off when I didn't make them 3 times the money everyone else did. I carried whole teams and departments. I saved one company several billion dollars and I got a "fuck you and a pink slip" when I got physically sick. The VP even stole the credit. If I work again, it'll be for myself. I'd rather get by on my own with $20-30k a year than make $60-100+k again and work for backstabbing bitches and bastards who used me to get rich then get rid of me. Workaholic was me, Traveler.
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Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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#391540 - 03/30/12 05:53 PM Re: Difficulty working [Re: phoenix321]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2503
Loc: Denver, CO
I used to be a perfectionist - except I could never quite finish anything I was doing for myself. Hordes of incomplete songs - I amazed myself last year by finishing a book!!!!! (small victory dance)

But lately - it's like "why bother"?

... don't know if it means anything - but I'm in customer service - I.T. no less ...
_________________________
the story
    https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013

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#391543 - 03/30/12 06:26 PM Re: Difficulty working [Re: MarkK]
Riley Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/11/09
Posts: 597
Loc: USA
My question to you, is are you really slow at picking up new stuff etc.. or is it in your head.

I have worked at my company for 5 years next month. Every single day for the first 2/3 years I drove into work wondering if I'm going to be fired that day or the next. Even though I had a raise within a few months of being hired and running my own crew within 2 years, I still thought that I sucked at my job. It took years for me to get comfortable enough to realize, ok maybe this is just in my head, maybe I am a competent worker.

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#391548 - 03/30/12 08:16 PM . [Re: MarkK]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
.


Edited by Life's A Dream (01/12/13 11:13 PM)

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#391564 - 03/30/12 11:33 PM Re: Difficulty working [Re: Life's A Dream]
Publius Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 425
Loc: OH
Life's A Dream you are not alone. Many of us, including me and you it seems, are such perfectionist that if we can't do/be perfect then we say "forget it." I've read it is a method of control/self-preservation for survivors that we seek "perfection" because we believe if we are perfect then no one will notice our so-called shameful secret. Sometimes it is even pursued in the belief that perfection brings security. However, perfection is an abstraction, an ideal we pursue but usually fall short of in the end. NEVERTHELESS, it is that pursuit that makes the person. It has been said that the difference between saints and sinners is that saints keep on trying. The belief that we need to BE perfect is the problem, not the belief in ideals both for ourselves and in general.

In any case, I get where you are coming from completely. Some of us become workaholics because the focus on work distracts us from the pain of our past. The same can be said of drugs and some other compulsive behaviors. Just remember, every positive step you take for yourself in your life, no matter how small, is taking back a part of your life that you deserve. In some ways, it is already ours but we have yet to realize it because of the lies taught to us by our abuse. Good luck to you all and to myself I suppose : P


Edited by Publius (03/30/12 11:34 PM)
_________________________
"Life is like this dark tunnel. You may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place." ~ General Iroh

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