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#391130 - 03/28/12 02:10 AM I dont get it possable trigger.
rrush Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/22/12
Posts: 11
Why do I just keep blaming my self and thinking i could have controled it... Why do I feel like I should be responsable. I was 16 how in the world when you get me across the contry to another state with no one I know and this person who should be my real mom abuse me sexualy on the first night I was there to meet her with in hours of landing.... I didnt know how to react. and I am anger with myself for this i was the one in the wrong.... my therapst wanted me to finde someone 16 and just talk to them and then think about me situation and if this person I was talking to would be able to deal with the stuff I had to... I have been thinking about it all day. I dont need to meet someone to find that answer the answer would be Hell no they wouldnt know what to do if put in the same situation and yet she noticed that I am mad with my self not my abuse. I hate feeling sick again about all it and that sickning feeling I get all over again..


Edited by rrush (03/28/12 02:11 AM)

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#391131 - 03/28/12 02:22 AM Re: I dont get it possable trigger. [Re: rrush]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3304
Loc: back in the USA
rrush - yeah -
you KNOW it wasn't your fault.
but you haven't quite come to the place where you BELIEVE it.
you agree with the fact of being guilt-less.
but your feelings tell you the opposite...
because you were there and involved
(tho against your will)
and - just guessing here from personal experience -
your body probly betrayed you and responded unwillingly.
That's where the guilt comes from.
You know that what happened was wrong.
But it was NOT YOU that was responsible for it!
been there... done that...
Of course you are angry now.
But don't be angry at yourself
Put the blame and anger where they belong -
the abuser who does deserve it!
i know it's easier said than done.
i'm still working on it too
as are many if not most of us here...
Good for you for speaking out!!!

Prevail!
Lee
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#391132 - 03/28/12 02:23 AM Re: I dont get it possable trigger. [Re: rrush]
rrush Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/22/12
Posts: 11
its like I am taking all the responabilty for what happend. Whats more I hate feeling like I am the garbage screw up..... Somthings wrong with this.... the whole thing just makes me sick. I tried to tell someone and they wouldnt listen to me.... They told me I was sick for making it up.... ok if I made it up then why 20 years later would it effect me Wake up idiots It happend my real grandma is a bitch for not listening to me and worring about her dead son who died in nam just months after I was born. big deal I thought about it today would he want his mother carring on about this today. I think not. I thought about contacting my real mom and trying to get my mediacl history and maybe who my real dad was....I think I might let a atterney talk to her I dont need to talk to her.... I dont understand why they just dont admit the truth and deal with it and realised it happend. not much you can do now you got away with it didnt you. you got to make me feel this way because you wanted me to screw you.... oh and then you tell me the next day Hey we shouldnt have done that... Dont you mean you shouldnt have done that....
sorry for babling guys... just couldnt sleep
thanks for your support
rrush

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#391133 - 03/28/12 02:35 AM Re: I dont get it possable trigger. [Re: rrush]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3304
Loc: back in the USA
the attorney is a good idea - i personally wouldn't have any kind of contact at this point. could be too much to handle.

*** Somthings wrong with this.... the whole thing just makes me sick. ***

your instincts are right. we agree with you and hurt with you.

try to be kind to yourself and not punish yourself for what you are not to blame.

Lee
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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