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#390855 - 03/26/12 04:01 PM the price of procrastination
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
I looked for you today -

They said that you were gone
  that you had left a note explaining
    you were tired of being alone
      weary of society's slams
      cold from lack of understanding
      depressed by the fear of rejection.

I looked for you today -

I reread your letters
  smiled at a few old photos
    and wept over the thought of you being gone.
I recalled the lunches we had shared
  before we got so busy
    we lost time
      and then lost touch.

I looked for you today -

And when the dust had settled
  I sat there wondering

... what if I had looked for you

            yesterday?


(written the week after a good friend hung himself at work)
_________________________
the story
    https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013

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#390883 - 03/26/12 07:14 PM Re: the price of procrastination [Re: MarkK]
dancr6 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/07
Posts: 383
Loc: georgia
SAD circumstances, but perfectly communicated. I wish I didn't have a list of people that I had walked away from thinking that it wouldn't matter if I didn't stay in touch.
I'm sooo happy to look back, see my progress and know that there is at least hope that i will recover and see more clearly, the important things in life.
_________________________
I'm a freeman now, his authority's dead
no pain monger lies in my comfortable bed!

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#390992 - 03/27/12 08:45 AM Re: the price of procrastination [Re: dancr6]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
I wrote this shortly after two of my close friends committed suicide - within a couple weeks of each other. Bad part is I *had* wondered what was going on and why I hadn't heard from them - but figured they "just needed their space".

maybe if I had reached out, they' still be here
frown
_________________________
the story
    https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013

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#391010 - 03/27/12 01:15 PM Re: the price of procrastination [Re: MarkK]
dancr6 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/07
Posts: 383
Loc: georgia
Sometimes it seems as if life just keeps piling it on.
Please don't "maybe" yourself back into darkness MarkK. I've done that and hope I catch myself sooner than I did then, it was a long and painful dark period.
_________________________
I'm a freeman now, his authority's dead
no pain monger lies in my comfortable bed!

Top
#391111 - 03/28/12 01:14 AM Re: the price of procrastination [Re: dancr6]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3600
Loc: South-East Europe
Beautifully written and very very sad...
Unfortunately we are not super-humans and can't save the world. Stop carrying that heavy "maybe" baggage Mark, you could hardly change anything...
_________________________
My story

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#391161 - 03/28/12 08:41 AM Re: the price of procrastination [Re: peroperic2009]
mike13 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 419
Loc: California USA
Mark my two least favorite words in the english language are what if. As survivors those words seem to torture us more than any others in our language. Please be at peace my brother you friends are getting the help they so despritely needed. Your brother Mike

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#391617 - 03/31/12 11:07 AM Re: the price of procrastination [Re: mike13]
mike13 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 419
Loc: California USA
Mark I don't know if you have heard but Stained/Terrell died last night. Now I have an even great understanding of your poem. Take care Mike

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#391652 - 03/31/12 04:43 PM Re: the price of procrastination [Re: peroperic2009]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Originally Posted By: peroperic2009
you could hardly change anything...
if i truly believed that, there would be no reason to keep reaching out.

and now another is gone.

sometimes it's damn near impossible not to join them. i CAN make a difference.

i hope
_________________________
the story
    https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013

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#391654 - 03/31/12 04:57 PM Re: the price of procrastination [Re: MarkK]
mike13 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 419
Loc: California USA
Mark there are still people here we can help. Promise me you won't try to join terrell and will promise you the same Mike

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#391664 - 03/31/12 06:19 PM Re: the price of procrastination [Re: mike13]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3600
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey Mark, I have to give you at least some virtual hug when I'm to far from reach for real one:
(((((Mark)))))
Please don't go down and stay positive. I'm sorry that you have so much to bear at your back, don't make things even harder. Give some love to yourself, you deserve best from life, and you can offer many things to all of us here.
Be creative, you are very artistic guy and let all bad feelings go out. And I want to hear that you have done some music playing with that great equipment that you have at your home, it is shame that dust covered all around wink
_________________________
My story

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#391893 - 04/02/12 09:59 AM Re: the price of procrastination [Re: peroperic2009]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Mike - whether or not I can help any of the people here is debatable - but I will say that I don't plan on doing anything hasty at the present time. I don't expect I will in the future, but truly there ... who knows.

Pero - Not that I want to let you down, but I do think you deserve an answer, so no - I have not done some playing with my keyboard/computer equipment. For quite some time actually. I did appreciate your comment about me being "very artistic" though I can't agree with you, it's nice to hear.
_________________________
the story
    https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013

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