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#344446 - 11/07/10 10:02 PM Hello All
Chebanon Offline

Registered: 03/18/10
Posts: 11
It's been a long time since I've visited this site. I attended the May WoR, so hey to all those that went with me. Also, to everyone that went on the Oprah show, you rock! I saw it on the MS front page and just had to google the episode. It was awesome and encouraging, though hard to watch.

So I've learned a few things in the months since the WoR. By far, the biggest thing I've learned is to stop punishing myself. When I say "punish", I mean anything that I do to cause myself suffering, but it often came in the form of cutting. Let me put forth a quick warning, before I continue: This is somewhat religious and Christian based. I put it here because it is very much a part of my recovery.

No, I don't mean punishing myself for what happened to me as a kid - that I still claim some responsibility for. No, I mean punishing myself for every time I let the victim behavior rule me. Sometimes I get mad at myself for stupid mistakes, but it kills me when I realize that I am screwing up because of something that has roots in my past. That's when I used to punish myself for screwing up. You know what the kicker is? "Self-improvement" is one of the things that my "abuser" made me learn. Anyway, why do I not punish myself anymore? There's no use in it. No matter what I do, I cannot pay for my sins - we all know what the "wages of sin" are. Not only does it do no good to punish myself, but it insults Jesus, who already paid for my sins. Only one way to go from there...

#390360 - 03/23/12 11:42 AM Re: Hello All [Re: Chebanon]
SamV Offline

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5954
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
Hey Chebanon,
Good to hear you are finding balance in recovery and resisting the abuse controls. I too find the good that I learned around and while surviving through the abuse that would be beneficial to my maturity I reject at first.
It is a struggle to find our niche, but it sounds like you are on the right path.
Much success to you, fellow survivor, I look forward to your future posts.

MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

#390639 - 03/25/12 12:36 AM Re: Hello All [Re: Chebanon]
Publius Offline

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 444
Loc: OH
Punishing yourself whether it be physically or emotionally or some combination of both is something many of us do in order to survive. After all, why you? Why me? Why us? It must have been something wrong with us, right? Assuming this to be true we would be worthy of punishment...EXCEPT, there was and is nothing wrong with us. NOTHING you did invited or encouraged the abuse you endured as a child. That responsibility falls on the adult/older person who abused you. Furthermore, punishing yourself for behaviors that allowed you to survive up to now may not be necessary. You don't deserve punishment, you deserve healing. You can adjust your bad habits a little at a time as you move through the recovery process. Remember, it takes time and effort and there will be mistakes made, but as many others on this site will tell you "be kind to yourself."

"Life is like this dark tunnel. You may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place." ~ General Iroh

#390644 - 03/25/12 02:04 AM Re: Hello All [Re: Publius]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3815
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Chebanon - love your avatar! powerful image.
Keep on shouting!!!

There’s a special providence in the fall of a sparrow. If it be now, ’tis not to come. If it be not to come, it will be now. If it be not now, yet it will come—the readiness is all. - Hamlet, Act 5, sc 2


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