A supporter who isn't a survivor him/herself has a broader ledge and stronger legs to stand on, so to speak, in viewing the situation and **may** be able to see through the infidelity to the man they love, a human being damaged **and** worthy of love and support.
Supporters who witness even a glimmer of honesty and effort toward recovery/growth in a husband is able to separate the "actions" from the "man".
If our husbands give us a crumb of hope, we squirrel it away and pray for another.
Of course, the whole thing is a process- two steps forward, followed by a slide backwards. Pain can be incapacitating for survivors. Supporters are no less teflon coated!
As always, so eloquent, Eyes! Sending you love and hugs!!!