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#395215 - 04/27/12 04:38 PM Re: Disclosing a rape at 21 to my wife. Knows of CSA [Re: Anomalous]
Dexter Offline


Registered: 05/29/11
Posts: 43
Loc: NJ, USA
Thank you so much

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#399779 - 06/08/12 10:40 AM Re: Disclosing a rape at 21 to my wife. Knows of CSA [Re: Dexter]
Dexter Offline


Registered: 05/29/11
Posts: 43
Loc: NJ, USA
Been off of here a while. finally got the courage to disclose the abuse from family friend and rape at 21. expected support and love. not happening. my wife thinks that me going back to a shrink is not about the abuse and rape, but that i am going because i want to leave her. explained that that is not true or the case, but that I need help. I have put on over 30 pounds since telling her, can't sleep and at times, ready to check the fuck out. feels like then she will believe that I am hurting and need help. don't know what the fuck to do. I am surprised that thtis has been her reaction. i am trying to be better and more "here". memory is going, dissociating a lot and don't know which end is up. anyone have this reaction????? first i thought it was about money that we don't have but my copay is only $5. WTF?

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#399801 - 06/08/12 05:27 PM Re: Disclosing a rape at 21 to my wife. Knows of CSA [Re: Dexter]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
Dexter,

I am very sorry for the reaction that was given you by your wife.

While anything a person does affects those immediately in their life - this is your life. It is not her decision as to whether you get the help that you need and you should weigh that out in this issue. Her fears and insecurities should not keep you from getting your needs met.


Daryl
_________________________
Broad statements often miss their true mark.

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#400384 - 06/13/12 10:56 PM Re: Disclosing a rape at 21 to my wife. Knows of CSA [Re: Dexter]
Dexter Offline


Registered: 05/29/11
Posts: 43
Loc: NJ, USA
Overheating like a town I s Africa. Shutting down emotionally and physically. About to give up. Giving some my stuff away, feel so alone unloved and un cared about by the woman I thought I could depend on. That hurts most . If she told me that she was molested by a family friend for a number of years and had u convinced that that went on between you was normal and that every guy does it. It feels good it's only sex, don't be a pussy. Teaches you hoe to be a hustler for money, give head that they'll beg for you. And how to be fucked without it hurting much. Marty and at 21 get raped rotisserie style with a knife at your throat. In case u don't know, that means one in your mouth, and one up your ass. Then they switch. I went home showered and never said a word for 38 years. Gee Mark, why can't u sleep.?


Edited by Dexter (06/14/12 12:57 PM)
Edit Reason: Said too much

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#402746 - 07/06/12 09:00 AM Re: Disclosing a rape at 21 to my wife. Knows of CSA [Re: Dexter]
Dexter Offline


Registered: 05/29/11
Posts: 43
Loc: NJ, USA
thank you

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#403182 - 07/10/12 05:31 PM Re: Disclosing a rape at 21 to my wife. Knows of CSA [Re: Dexter]
TheTwoOfUs Offline


Registered: 11/03/11
Posts: 149
Loc: USA
Dexter,

I'm so very sorry that you haven't had a supportive response to the disclosure. Disclosure is SO damn hard on it's own, even with a supportive response.

If I were in your shoes, I think at this point I would gently tell her that I needed help, and regardless of what she THINKS I am going to therapy for, I would simply just continue to go.

You have to take care of yourself, Sir. No one else will. Do what you need to do for yourself, to heal, and get as healthy as is possible. And if that means going to therapy when she doesn't think it's needed, then go to therapy and get the help you need. She doesn't have to like it.

Not trying to tell you what to do - just trying to offer a perspective. If you aren't healing or taking care of yourself, how can you be a good husband for your wife? That angle might help her understand as well, or maybe it would make it worse. I don't know, I'm not in your house.

But I really think that on issues like this, we just have to do what we have to do. And if you need help to heal, then get the help you need in order to heal and to hell with what anyone else says or thinks about it.

Chin up, bro. Keep treading water.
_________________________
Matthew

Adapt. Overcome. Survive.

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