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#390498 - 03/24/12 09:48 AM Revenge
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 728
Loc: NJ
I wonder if survivors could comment on this word. When I say revenge, I don't mean against your abusers. I mean related to other relationships in your lives. If someone has hurt you, failed you, disappointed you, do you ever feel a desire for revenge?


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#390500 - 03/24/12 10:12 AM Re: Revenge [Re: Esposa]
mike13 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 419
Loc: California USA
Esposa you might find this strange but I can truly say that I have forgiven my rapists in the sense that I have turned them over to God to get what ever punishment he has instore for them. The group i still struggle with are the people in my church who called me gay because of my gangrape and made my life a living hell. Their words over time have hurt me much more than my rapists ever did. I now know that forgiving them is my feel challange. I still see myself standing before God and demanding they get a taste of the hell they put me thru. I know that is not very christ like of me and I must do better but here is where I am right now. Hope this helps Mike


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#390503 - 03/24/12 10:25 AM Re: Revenge [Re: mike13]
traveler Online   confused
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3518
Loc: somewhere in Africa
i have never felt a need for revenge - either against my abusers or anyone else that i felt had wronged me or hurt me. All i ever wanted was to be liked and accepted - even from those who treated me the worst.
Lee

_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#390504 - 03/24/12 10:31 AM Re: Revenge [Re: Esposa]
herowannabe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/01/11
Posts: 386
Loc: USA
Quote:
Their words over time have hurt me much more than my rapists ever did



Wow. I can only imagine. (((Mike)))

Congrats to you for being a more Christ-like person than those hypocrits. Your witness is powerful!

Sorry to jump in, Esposa...I just felt moved to send Mike a hug.

herowannabe

_________________________


For I know the plans I have made for you. Plans to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11


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#390506 - 03/24/12 10:33 AM Re: Revenge [Re: traveler]
r.m. Offline


Registered: 01/18/11
Posts: 106
I don't know if this is a "trait" of as survivor as much as it is for a revengeful person. We all deal with our trauma differently. We all deal with our recovery differently. Comparing how I handle situations to how someone else handles a situation is terribly dangerous and not helpful to me or anyone else you're comparing me with. I caution you, for the sake of your survivor's recovery well-being, in doing this. I know for myself, I'm always questioning myself and if I knew someone was doing it for me too, it would tell me they have less confidence in me and my ability to recovery properly for myself.


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#390508 - 03/24/12 10:43 AM Re: Revenge [Re: herowannabe]
mike13 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 419
Loc: California USA
Thanks for the hug Hero I sure needed it. Sometimes it is so hard to be a follower of christ especially when we fall so short sometimes Thanks Mike


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#390511 - 03/24/12 11:01 AM Re: Revenge [Re: mike13]
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 728
Loc: NJ
r.m - never meaned to imply it was a trait.... no way. Actually just looking for insight from people. I think vengeful feelings happen to be human and I was just asking for experience in manifestation only.

As far as comparing....gosh, that's human too no? The desire to find someone in your situation in order to commiserate or seek compassion.

And I am guilty of questioning things because I do have that unfortunate disposition of wanting to understand, wanting to see things from other people's points of view. I am sorry if my post seemed otherwise.


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#390512 - 03/24/12 11:02 AM Re: Revenge [Re: Esposa]
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 728
Loc: NJ
Lee - I am with you on that sentiment.


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#390516 - 03/24/12 11:36 AM Re: Revenge [Re: Esposa]
r.m. Offline


Registered: 01/18/11
Posts: 106
No worries, and I completely understand your desire to commiserate and share with someone who's "in the same boat".

As a spouse of a survivor and someone who likes to understand "everything", I really understand your desire to see things from other's perspectives. I can't tell you enough how important it is to focus your efforts on your survivor. Find out how he feels about revenge. How does that line up with your view of it? Your survivor needs your support and love. That is very different than needing you to understand everything he is going through. He needs you to hear and listen to him. You will never see things like he does. You bring a history to the table that does not allow you to see things exactly the way he does, because he brings his own history. Unless you grew up as conjoined twins, which is unlikely, you will have had different histories, thus, different responses to stimulus. That's okay. Your perspective is just as valid as his, because it's yours, and his is also valid as yours, because it's his. I don't believe there are any wrong decisions in recovery. There may be bad ones, but it's up to everyone involved to move through it how they know how to, learn from it and tackle the next challenge in their lives.


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#390562 - 03/24/12 05:08 PM Re: Revenge [Re: r.m.]
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 728
Loc: NJ
r.m. - I like what you are saying and I am very supportive of my husband's journey, kind of in awe of it honestly. Unfortunately for us, we are dealing simultaneously with a loss of trust. I need to be able to trust him (and him me) - and for me, that means understanding his history, his perspective and his responses to stimuli.


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