No worries, and I completely understand your desire to commiserate and share with someone who's "in the same boat".
As a spouse of a survivor and someone who likes to understand "everything", I really understand your desire to see things from other's perspectives. I can't tell you enough how important it is to focus your efforts on your survivor. Find out how he feels about revenge. How does that line up with your view of it? Your survivor needs your support and love. That is very different than needing you to understand everything he is going through. He needs you to hear and listen to him. You will never see things like he does. You bring a history to the table that does not allow you to see things exactly the way he does, because he brings his own history. Unless you grew up as conjoined twins, which is unlikely, you will have had different histories, thus, different responses to stimulus. That's okay. Your perspective is just as valid as his, because it's yours, and his is also valid as yours, because it's his. I don't believe there are any wrong decisions in recovery. There may be bad ones, but it's up to everyone involved to move through it how they know how to, learn from it and tackle the next challenge in their lives.