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#39041 - 06/10/03 12:08 AM No-one can relate...even here??!
StrangerInAStrangeLand Offline
Member

Registered: 04/23/03
Posts: 33
Loc: Puyallup, WA
"Child Abuse." "Sexual Abuse." "Rape." "Incest." These are the most common words and phrases used today to describe the experience that brought us all to this place. But whenever I listen to the definitions of these words, read the books on how to deal with the effects, or listen to other people tell their story, they always seem to be talking about someone else - it just doesn't apply to me. I haven't keeping "the secret" waiting for a lifetime to finally spill my guts online - my abuse was one year ago. "You/I were robbed of your childhood. Your inner child needs to heal." What? Not me. I'm almost 17. My "abuse" was a year ago. "The more powerful adult took advantage of your innocense. You couldn't have done anything." I could have ran at any time and probably would have gotten away, too. He never threatened me, at least not directly. I was just scared. So I complied. "He told you he loved you/made you feel good. Broke your trust,etc." Not me again. My perp was a stranger who asked me if I wanted to get high - not a father, mother, uncle, priest - just some creep in a car. I feel I have to completely forge my own path to "recovery" or "healing" or whatever because my situation is so unique. It's quite frustrating. gotta go im about to be kicked off later


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#39042 - 06/10/03 12:50 AM Re: No-one can relate...even here??!
dwf Offline
Moderator/BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/24/03
Posts: 1223
Loc: Austin, Texas USA
You are in the right place, Stranger.

I have had the same impression as you....that my situation was different, because I thought I loved the guy who abused me, because I didn't report it, because I enjoyed it etc. etc.

What happened when I came here to this web site was that other men honestly said how they FELT
about what happened in their lives.

And guess what? No matter where, when, who, how, at what age or what the abuser did, all the men here were left with many of the same emotions as I had.

When I was able to focus on the emotions instead of on the physical details, I could begin to identify myself as one of the group---as a survivor. It took me a long time to get to that place.

I'm sorry about what brought you here. No one should be exploited sexually---not people who get high, not by strangers--no one.

But you are here now and I want you to know that you don't have to relate to the circumstances of other peoples lives.

I relate to the way you're feeling now. I was about your age when the sexual abuse occurred in my life.

I wish I had the courage that you show now in coming here. Congratulations on surviving long enough to make it here.

Believe me, you are welcome here. This group will support and accept you--even if you don't feel like you can relate. Be good to yourself. you deserve it after what has happened to you.

Hope you'll keep coming here and soak up some the "wolf pack" care that helps ease the ache.

Glad you posted tonight.

Regards,

_________________________
"Poke salad Annie, 'gators got you granny
Everybody said it was a shame
'Cause her mama was aworkin' on the chain-gang"

-Tony Joe White

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#39043 - 06/10/03 01:29 AM Re: No-one can relate...even here??!
Nathan LaChine Offline
Webmaster
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 5378
Loc: Washington State
Hello Chris,

We all feel that way at times but you are in a place of healing. Yes you might be one of the younger members on the board but you are not alone. I am only 19 Chris. Their are a couple of other members here that are as old as I am or just a year or two older. We are the young ones of this group.

What are you looking for a quick fix? You do not have to do your healing on your own. If you feel you are alone come into the chatroom. If you would like a guide please seek the help of a T.

Chris I am more then willing to help you. If you would like please come into the chatroom. Do know that we can only give you are advice nothing more my brother. We can only be your friends we cannot heal you.

Chris please please if you feel alone send me a pm and I am more then willing to talk. If you want swing into the chatroom. You are a young and it is hard when the other guys talk about their abuse in the past or 10 or 20 years ago. Yours was only last year and that is hard cause it is still in the very near past for you.

My abuse only stopped a couple of years ago. It is very hard since most the guys here talk about their abuse from so long ago. For us the abuse just happen and that can make it hard to deal with at times. I am more then willing to do what I can but your path to healing must be yours. We can only give you advice on what has worked for us. If you need a guide to your healing please think about seeing a T my brother.


lots of love, Nathan


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#39044 - 06/10/03 03:22 AM Re: No-one can relate...even here??!
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Stranger
Quote:
I was just scared. So I complied
I can tell you for sure that most of us felt that I know that I did. Scared is a feeling that's hard to deal with when confronted with EVIL. That is the one thing that all us had to face,EVIL, EVIL Power, and EVIL control over us.
I am sorry that you have to deal with all is bagage but it does my heart good to see that you have found us and that you are begining the Healing process at a young age.
Friend you are at an excellent time to begin your Healing so soon after the abuse. Many of us here talk about the years we hide in the Silence. 10,20, or in my case 40 years of SILENCE.
Many of us old frats that come here are loking for help in our healing but allso want to change the way the world deals with Sexual Abuse. The fact that you have ended the SILENCE and are begining your healing so soon is nolthing but an positive event.

It doesn't matter HOW we got here, BUT what is important is that we take the healing power within this pack and use it to BETTER OUR LIFES.

Muldoon

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#39045 - 06/10/03 09:06 AM Re: No-one can relate...even here??!
Freedom Offline
Member

Registered: 09/21/02
Posts: 164
Loc: US
Hi,

Let's face it. Every single person here is unique. Ultimately, everyone of us has to face his/her demons. Reading, learning, sharing are just the tools to do it.

You can create a meaning for yourself using your own words, the words of others, or a combination.

Ultimately, the basics are that something happened. That event did something to our lives. If we are miserable with the results, we need to do something about it. SO IT DOES NOT HAPPEN AGAIN.

Yes, the elements os your case are unique but I can see certain commonalities. I believe understanding what happened and why are the key to changing future outcomes. But positive changes can happen along the way to understanding.

Fear is a powerful adversary and hindsight is 20/20. Don't beat yourself too much.

Take care of yourself.
Freedom.

_________________________
Life is moving on. AM I?

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#39046 - 06/10/03 09:18 AM Re: No-one can relate...even here??!
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Sisal
Because it happened so recently in the past and the fact that you are dealing with it so quickly really gives me a lot of faith in the younger generation

My SA occured at Military College. I was raped over a 9 month period by three upper classmen. At first I resisted then became compliant and probably started to enjoy it. It is here that our paths diverged.

I have been a hustler and a heroin addict 18-21, physically re-enacted my abuse until I was 56 years of age and finally believed that if I did not do something the memories of what happened and what I did to myself would kill me. I am 62 now been married for 36 years almost and have a daughter 22.

I ams so glad than you found us and are on the path to inner peace while you still have the rest of your life ahead of you.

Thanks for sharing Brother Wolf


AAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEE

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#39047 - 06/10/03 09:18 AM Re: No-one can relate...even here??!
MDD Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 06/05/03
Posts: 12
Loc: somewheres on this thing calle...
Hiya stranger!

youre not the only young guy round here, I am 20, and what you say I certainly relate to dude. I havent waited for countless years, though sometimes I wished I had never spoken up. I can understand why people would keep quiet about it, and their stories are also a warning! They know whats its like no to be understood, and that for a time mostly longer than you, nathan and me are around! Guess we younger guys have different issues too, stuff thats ancient history for these guys. But they have been there!
I have met some in the chatroom and all are very nice guys, willing to help with advice. Just glad to have you around, feel free to send me a pm, or pm me in the chatroom. I am just Tom there, take care dude. The rest of the world may not understand, but we all do.

go easy on yourself, dont do it all in one day!

Tom

_________________________
Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue

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#39048 - 06/10/03 09:47 AM Re: No-one can relate...even here??!
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2259
Loc: Maryland USA
Chris,

Look at all the replies you got from people of all different ages. Everyone says the same thing: You are welcome here, the details don't matter, the abuse was real.

I was 16 when I "qualified" to come here. I waited for 26 years to say anything. I'm pretty sure I told you when you first came around here how impressed I am at your guts to deal with this while the wound is fresh.

I posted about the roots of the word "recovery" last month or so. It means "taking back" or "seizing back," not "covering up again" or anything like that. If you are going to seize back the good things in your life, it will be an individual effort. We all support you, and we hope you have found more support near home, too. Just like you, every one of us will "seize back" our lives in our unique way, using our own strengths to fight through our own challenges and defeat our own demons.

It's strange, but we're united in all these feelings, including the feeling of being an outsider, different. But don't sweat the details of the abuse.

Chris, you are special and different in a very good way. Like the other younger guys here, you have the courage to stand against the effects of the abuse before they rob you of so many years. Many of us took a long time to find that kind of courage. Many others like us are out there suffering now.

Thanks,

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#39049 - 06/10/03 11:45 AM Re: No-one can relate...even here??!
andrew-almost52 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/31/02
Posts: 243
Loc: canada
Hello friend,
A number of months ago, one of our moderators, Mike Church, came up with what I believe is the definitive litmus test as to whether abuse has taken place. He said that in abusive encounters, there is always a winner and a loser. On this basis you qualify young man. You may be a young adult but your perpetrator had an agenda, had you at a disadvantage in terms of age and experience, and you came out of it feeling badly. Furthermore, sixteen years old is a child. You may be getting bigger and stronger, but you are not expected to be able to fend for yourself just yet. I am glad you found this web site. You will find some good people here that can help you sort things through. I would make a further suggestion that you seek professional counselling. And remember, you are young, you are healthy and have a zillion wonderful things to look forward to. Embrace this world and don't allow this one unpleasant incident to become more important than it deserves to be. Peace, Andrew


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#39051 - 06/10/03 12:18 PM Re: No-one can relate...even here??!
Sick Puppy Offline
Member

Registered: 03/30/03
Posts: 300
Loc: Nowhere Land
While I was also abused as a child, I was abused as well from ages 18-20... I can relate. I was an adult! I could have prevented it, couldn't I? I know how it feels that none of that literature applies to us sometimes. \:\(

_________________________
And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly
From the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see


Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

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