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#390197 - 03/22/12 10:34 AM My Co-worker
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
For the past few weeks a nurse at the hospital I work at has been hinting that she would like to date. To be honest, I'm not all that attracted to her, she is overweight but then again so am I. Recently its been really bad with her co-workers starting in on me to that she might be a nice person to date.

On the one hand I'm not really attracted to her, she's a nice person but she's very overweight (again I am overweight too so I'm not judging her for that, just I dont seem to be attracted to her in part due to that).

On the other hand, it would be nice to have a girlfriend and to do stuff with her. I'm pretty isolated with no friends to hang out with and in who knows maybe she cleans up well, maybe with some makeup and something other than scrubs she might be more attractive. Also I've never been on a date as some of you might recall, so that would be a good step.

Also lets be for real, I'm a male and I have sexual needs. Maybe if my first date doesnt go well, I could explain and see if she would be open to a friends with benefits type situation. Not some cold, call her up, when can you come over for sex type thing, a we can hang out as friends but there definately isnt a connection.

I dont know, hell I'm new to all this. I'm 33 but due to the abuse again new to all this.

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#390200 - 03/22/12 10:45 AM Re: My Co-worker [Re: onlyakid]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 728
Loc: NJ
Seemingly your not physically attracted her, but maybe her personality will win you over. Why not give it a try and be open to how it goes without going in with any expectations or thoughts of conditions.

Go have some fun and see how it goes, let yourself live a little and dont put so much pressure on yourself to do X.

If you keep waiting around and looking for that greener grass, you might miss whats right in front of you.

Give yourself the chance.

Weather is really nice in NJ great places to go have some fun right now.

Just my .02

_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#390203 - 03/22/12 11:06 AM Re: My Co-worker [Re: Castle]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2577
Don't force yourself into something in order to get needs met, you'll just get hurt.

I'd say see about getting to her for who she is, then if you find you like her as a person, then move from there.


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#390205 - 03/22/12 11:10 AM Re: My Co-worker [Re: JustScott]
Jim1104 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/16/11
Posts: 409
Loc: Louisiana, USA
Don't force it. A simple dinner date commits neither of you, but could be a truly pleasant evening. If nothing else, you might make a friend you ca just be yourself with. Good luck.

_________________________
Jim
Male/USA

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#390279 - 03/22/12 09:58 PM Re: My Co-worker [Re: Jim1104]
G5 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/12/04
Posts: 203
Loc: New Jersey
Sounds like the right time to take a chance. She might not be the ideal date, but it would be good practice for you to go out and have some fun. Leave the expectations behind and just try to enjoy the time out. You don't have to make any commitment as to how the date should turn out.

Let go just a little bit. I bet you'll have some fun. And it'll be a positve experience that you can use for the next time you have a date, be it with her, or someone else.

If we don't risk just a little bit, we continue to let our demons control things. Choose to do it different. Choose to change the pattern. Choose for yourself.

And have fun...it'll be awkward, but dates are for everyone. Not just us.

Chris

_________________________
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#390280 - 03/22/12 10:06 PM Re: My Co-worker [Re: onlyakid]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3392
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Originally Posted By: onlyakid

Also lets be for real, I'm a male and I have sexual needs. Maybe if my first date doesnt go well, I could explain and see if she would be open to a friends with benefits type situation. Not some cold, call her up, when can you come over for sex type thing, a we can hang out as friends but there definately isnt a connection.


Careful, man!

This sounds to me an awful lot lilke a user type scenario - and that - IMHO - is pretty close to becoming an abuser!

Sure - get to know her - but not with some sort of ulterior motive of just having sex to satisfy your own needs. Dangerous ground for both of you. Remember how that feels?

Sorry to be so blunt but you could do yourself some damage here - as well as her...
Lee

_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#390281 - 03/22/12 10:21 PM Re: My Co-worker [Re: traveler]
Fidex Offline


Registered: 11/09/11
Posts: 37
when does 'friends with benefits' ever work? Lol. sorry I just know the majority of girls who agree to that believe it'll become a relationship (the smitten ones especially) and your stuck with a girlfriend you don't see as often but with just as much if not more dramatics. Especially a coworker, man I just would not tread there. It takes special kinds of people to pull off stressless (that's the key) benefit friendships.

I don't agree that looking for sex and having intentions equates to abuse but I think we all need basic sympathy for people we get together with. If she wants a serious relationship don't play her. Everyone is looking for something different and you need to be aware and remain open to that.
Of course that said, you won't know unless you get to know her.


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#390289 - 03/22/12 11:55 PM Re: My Co-worker [Re: Fidex]
rrush Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/22/12
Posts: 11
I think you should just go have a nice time dont think about sex or anything like that... that just will put presure on your self and if something doesnt happen like you would like then you dont fell let down. I say just do it for fun and just try and get to know her for her.....
but go slow


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#390294 - 03/23/12 01:39 AM Re: My Co-worker [Re: rrush]
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
Traveler,
Now that I have sometime to think about the whole fwb situation, it seems like a bad idea, however I don't see it being like the abuse or using her in any way. As long as she agrees to it then I disagree with you. She is an adult women who can make her own decisions not a kid.

The whole working together thing scares me though. I'm just waiting for that to go bad. I dont see her all the time but I do have to go there to fill up the machines atleast 2x a night.

Anyway thanks for the advice it gives me something to think about

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


Top
#390296 - 03/23/12 01:56 AM Re: My Co-worker [Re: onlyakid]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3392
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Ok - maybe i was over-reacting because of my own history - just be careful and take it easy. i still think it's risky to rush the physical side of things so be sensitive to her feelings as well as your own.

Lee

_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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