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Sound like you want a friend, sounds reasonable.
Someone to hold you is a bit more difficult, but still a possibility.
Craigslist ads for someone to come over and cuddle may not be the best way to go about it.

In the end, it sounds like you want someone to care for you, a pretty basic human need. It is, however, easier said than done.

Hi lbcali,

Thank you for writing your note, and for describing very similar issues I've had all my life.

Have you read any literature on childhood sexual abuse and its effects on adults? One really great book is "Victims No Longer" by Mike Lew. Also "Beyond Betrayal". Both these books go into great detail explaining exactly WHY we do what we do.

You describe just wanting a friend, and inviting a total stranger over to "just cuddle" while watching a movie.

Survivors tend to get love/sex/intimacy confused. Cuddling with a complete stranger *IS* confusing to read. This is **VERY** common among survivors - (myself included) - that we say we just want friendship, and then initiate very intimate / physical gestures under the guise of wanting friendship and to be close. And cuddling with a complete stranger is a serious mixed message.

Don't beat yourself up. You're a survivor and behaving as most survivors do, and doing the best with what you understand about how to relate with others.

I strongly recommend getting either of the books above, it will help you immensely with understanding the nature of what we all have in our lives.

D

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