traveler, Jim1104, Anniemy4sons, GoodHope, Esposa, lucylives: I can't thank you enough for the votes of confidence and support. I hope you don't think I was fishing for that.

I truly regret how things turned-out, and I don't think any healing was meant for me, nor sanctioned by God. Everything went SO SO bad, so very quickly, I still wake up a couple of times a night asking myself "WTF happened?" "How did I get here? How did I end-up living alone in a marginal house, flat-broke, without my children IN MY HOUSE - under MY protection...

Sorry...I understand that you find value in what I've done. I see some of that too. What I don't see is what vaporized with the disclosure. My dignity, self-worth and family.

I see women staying with cheaters, drunks, abusers, beaters, bums and vegetarians. So yeah...I stand on the side-lines, wondering Whaaaah??

"... vegetarians?" Oh my Rob, that is some kind of funny. You have that knack of taking internal traumatic abuse and opening it up to functional recovery, advocacy and humor. Classic, Rob, this really great work and play.

Sam

I'm hear all week. And hey...tip those waitresses and drive carefully!

What are you doing for your 5000th post? Hee hee

Dunno...gotta give it some thot. It will be pretty special though...and a surprise! Yeah! Special.....and.....Surprising! You'll see!

ROFLMBO!!!

"What I don't see is what vaporized with the disclosure. My dignity, self-worth and family."

Honestly Rob, I don't think there is a woman on MS who doesn't wonder how the heck your wife did what she did. And how she can live with herself today.

So we are the other extreme.... we desperately want to know how and why our husbands came apart... and that's why we are here. We are here because nothing can explain the behavior (in our minds) other than the trauma our men suffered as children. I know that personally "he's just an a*#hole" didn't get the job done.

I will add my accolades to the list for you, Robbie. We have never communicated directly but I am aware of your story. Whenever my resolve wanes or I fear my own lack of strength, I remind myself of the weakness of your wife. I have lived a life of ease and have never suffered at the hands of anything. I am afraid that I am weak. I am afraid that I will be another name on the long list of names of people that have disappointed, discounted, betrayed, or just plain tortured my husband. When I read your pain, my resolve is solidified. To try and match the strength of my husband and all survivors to greet the world anew and with hope, honesty, and will to not repeat the horrors of their own lives and to protect the next generations of children from these horrors.

I will sign up to be a soldier in your army.
I will never use this information against my husband.
I will do my best to support him.
I will accept that he is who he is and he may never change.
I will love him unconditionally.
I will accept that our life together is the only life I have a right to have an opinion about.
I will acknowledge that what he did sexually before our marriage is not a part of our marriage.
I will try to be a strong as him, although I believe that I will never come close.

Thank you to all of the men who open our eyes and strengthen our hearts to the long road of recovery. Most of us are new to this journey and are running to catch up...

Esposa is right Robbie. We've all felt the same way at some point. How anyone could behave that way towards their spouse in their time of need. It blows our minds. She took the cowards way by saying you should have told her and the whole innocence thing. Yeah, all of our husbands should have told us. But we "get" why they didn't. To not try to understand why they didn't disclose prior to marriage and then put it away is cowardice. I felt proud that my husband told me. It meant so much to me that he trusted me. I was hell bent on doing everything I could to support him in this CSA recovery and fight.

I put on my rally hat.

Took up my sword and started on the "recovery fight" with him.

Agree with that Goodhope. It sucks but I trust no one. I lost two jobs ($30k and $60k a year), shunned by religion (adios, perfect losers) and other "friends." Learned my lesson for the most part. I should've learned it when I was 3.5 years old (CSA).