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#389903 - 03/20/12 09:08 AM Re: Aggression/rage and getting it out [Re: Chase Eric]
son Offline


Registered: 03/06/12
Posts: 9
Loc: New York
Hi EdfromNYC smile I relate to what you're writing. What others are saying is important for many of us to hear. It's important we don't perpetuate abuse. But anger and it's expression as rage is completely understandable for us abuse survivors.

I was not allowed to be angry in my home as a child. No one but my father was allowed to become angry. I never learned how to express it in a healthy manner. And in fact, could not express anger, nor recognize when I was in fact angry until just a year ago. Containing the anger, which felt like it had been stored on the other side of a wall so such an extant that I felt almost possessed during it's expression... it did not feel like MY anger but instead seemed to be someone else's. There were moments that I was so consumed, it was all I could do not to destroy things around my house. I learned to beat a couple of pillows until I was exhausted.. and this exhaustion was for a while all that would calm me down.

And wanting to be aggressive... I relate!!!! When we weren't allowed, and first discover it in ourselves, it wants to be let out. It's also a defense mechanism... it's a way to separate ourselves from the pain of being helpless.

Take care of yourself. check out http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/anger-management/MH00102/NSECTIONGROUP=2


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#389909 - 03/20/12 09:31 AM Re: Aggression/rage and getting it out [Re: MarkK]
EdfromNYC Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/18/10
Posts: 233
Loc: New York City
Mark
I'm glad you responded. Because I say some thing that I don't like doesn't negate you or the parts that were helpful. Even the part that I didn't like was helpful because you took the time to post.

There was no rejection of your point of view nor your post. There was something that bothered me and I wrote about it but I am grateful for your dialogue.

Ed

_________________________
And more, much more, the heart may feel,
Than the pen may write or the lip reveal.
Winthrop Mackworth Praed

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#389911 - 03/20/12 09:38 AM Re: Aggression/rage and getting it out [Re: Chase Eric]
EdfromNYC Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/18/10
Posts: 233
Loc: New York City
Eric

Definitely this anger is from a very deep place. Its very dark down there and I think the anger is the surface of all of the stuff that I had to push down there and never got to express, good and bad, and now I am starting to see that I can express it and part of me is going

"what? so much of the stuff that kept me bottled up was only in my head (I'm talking about post-childhood) and I've been living this isolated way for this long and I didn't have to? WTF!?

There are different levels to the anger. I will say again though that part of being a man is making peace with my aggression. That doesn't mean acting on it but not trying to push it away and deny it either.

Aggression isn't bad unless it is used badly. Aggression can be used in sports, career, the courtroom, competitive games - all things I've avoided in order to avoid being aggressive. That's just me.

_________________________
And more, much more, the heart may feel,
Than the pen may write or the lip reveal.
Winthrop Mackworth Praed

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#389912 - 03/20/12 09:42 AM Re: Aggression/rage and getting it out [Re: son]
EdfromNYC Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/18/10
Posts: 233
Loc: New York City
Quote:
And wanting to be aggressive... I relate!!!! When we weren't allowed, and first discover it in ourselves, it wants to be let out. It's also a defense mechanism... it's a way to separate ourselves from the pain of being helpless.


Also:

Quote:
anger as a response to being helpless - not being able to control the hurt others cause by neglecting you, similar to not controlling the pain your abuser caused.


Similar thoughts, probably accurate. Is this a stage of acceptance? God, I wish it was just aggression and not really covering up the feelings of helplessness. I don't want to remember those feelings. I'd rather be able to just be aggressive but it's not that easy, is it?

_________________________
And more, much more, the heart may feel,
Than the pen may write or the lip reveal.
Winthrop Mackworth Praed

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