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#38985 - 11/02/06 11:12 AM why?!?!
kuurt Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/05
Posts: 168
Loc: louisiana
deleted for privacy.
sorry,
kurt

_________________________
"if it keeps on rainin' the levee's gonna break.
and if the levee breaks, i'll have no place to stay"
-led zeppelin

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#38986 - 11/02/06 11:14 AM Re: why?!?!
kuurt Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/05
Posts: 168
Loc: louisiana
maybe if somebody who reads this could just say something--anything, it might help me feel like im not about to die right now. im sorry to ask...but i have no idea what else to do

_________________________
"if it keeps on rainin' the levee's gonna break.
and if the levee breaks, i'll have no place to stay"
-led zeppelin

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#38988 - 11/02/06 12:05 PM Re: why?!?!
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Kuurt,

you aint going to die!
Nightmares are your mind dealing with the past, but you must always think that now you are safe.

When that happened to me, I felt the same, screwed up, totally drained, but facing the nightmares is the first step.

Tell them they cannot hurt you, fight them off.
I tended to go to sleep just around dawn, at least it was some sort of quality sleep, or leave a light on helps.

I promise they will have less power over you in the future, it may not seem that way, but you will find the strength,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#38989 - 11/02/06 01:04 PM Re: why?!?!
Paul1959 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/17/06
Posts: 525
Loc: NYC
Kuurt,
Nighttime is the worst, isn't it? The fear that comes then is the scariest of all. You aren't dying, but it sure can feel that way all alone in the middle of the night. When this happens, get out of bed and calm down. Read, watch TV - give yourself a break mentally, eat, anything that comforts you - like coming here was good.
Be easy on yourself.
Tell your teachers that you are scared about ever catching up. Take another year of high school. No big deal. I'm a teacher. I would listen to you.
Paul


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#38991 - 11/02/06 01:20 PM Re: why?!?!
des6263 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/15/06
Posts: 137
Loc: midwest, US
(do i need to go to therapy?)

Yes Kuurt, maybe you should seek therapy. It has helped me immensely. Hang on there you can get through this.
David

_________________________
May the Flames of Truth Burn Bright

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#38992 - 11/02/06 03:59 PM Re: why?!?!
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Kuurt we have not corresponded for some time now and I was worried about what was going on with you.

Your fears are completely justified. After all, your perp, (which you had the courage to tell on) is still free AFTER beating you so badly for telling others what he did to you.

Like Paul said, approach your teachers and ask them for input about your situation, they will appreciate the fact that you respect them enough to ask them rather than, for instance, having your Dad do all the talking. It will show some maturity and willingness to recover on your part if you do that I think. PLUS, whenever you convey respect to other people, they're more willing to give you a break even if you're not completing EVERY single assignment.

You've been through so much this last year, and your teachers should know that just by your PHYSICAL injuries alone.

When you're doing your homework, do it for an hour or so, then take a break, play a video game or watch a Jerry Springer re-run (heh) and relax. Then, go back to your homework again for another hour or so. I need to take mental breaks while doing homework and perhaps this is something that you may have overlooked.


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#38993 - 11/02/06 04:33 PM Re: why?!?!
Niels Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/07/05
Posts: 196
I feel the same way Kuurt. Sometimes when I wake up in the morning all my muscles are sore and tense. It hurts all over like I have been beaten up in my sleep. Self massage and stretching and some movement excercises helps me start the day. Also a hot morning shower helps the ache in my sore muscles.
Also I recognize the patterns of not beeing able to cope well with stressors. The demands of school/colege often put me under more stress than I could cope with. But I decided to do my best. Just do the best you can.
I also think most of us have the fear of our perp coming back ... only remember that you are not a defenceless kid anyymore. You can fight back this time. Physical and sexual abuse rob us from feeling safe.
But even though we may have moment were we regress because of flashbacks we develop a sense of security over the years. Taking Judo and selfdefence classes have helped me gain some of my confidence and feeling of safety back. But it is a process.

_________________________
I live in my own little world - but that is OK! - They know me here.

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#38994 - 11/02/06 06:38 PM Re: why?!?!
Alexander Offline
Member

Registered: 10/17/06
Posts: 223
Loc: The Netherlands
I guess, first of I agree with all that has been said already.

It's really not going to work to try and do homework for hours at end, because you're not suddenly going to get productive, if you weren't before. It's better to relax in between and then try for another hour.
I sort of have the same problem there, while last year school was easy for me, this year I haven't been able to pay attention.. Can't focus, concentrate... So I hope I will pass this year. But what if I don't, the worst that happens is either that I go one level back, or will have to do this year again.
Remember, without education you're nowhere, but flipping burgers in the mcdonalds.

About feeling like you're going to die.. To me it sounds a bit like you were in a panicattack, or something like that?
Whenever I get a panicattack, I have the same feeling.

Against muscle pain, maybe a hot shower and some stretch exercise may work. Try to keep in shape, take up a sport you like.
I love running personally, gives me the change to clear my head for 1 or 2 hours. Rollerblading is good too.

Unfortunately I have a lot of nightmares too.
Writing helps, some. Not that I don't have nightmares afterwards, but it gives me a change to clear my mind somewhat, to make some order in the chaos. Feels good to relieve some of the stress, all the emotions and thoughts onto paper.. Rather then keeping them all in.
And remember you're never alone, you can always talk to us!

Alexander.

_________________________
Come on, oh my star is fading
And I see no chance of release
And I know I'm dead on the surface
But I am screaming underneath

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#38995 - 11/03/06 09:40 PM Re: why?!?!
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
About an hour before going to bed, throw all the shit in your mind to one side and just do something relaxing.

Take deep breaths and try to just relax without any of the days crap, or what tomorrow will bring.
Self massage is a good thing to do, hot soaks all said above.

Blocking is the first way I got around dealing with so much shit at once.
Other ways are to do hobbies, sports etc.,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#38996 - 11/04/06 05:45 AM Re: why?!?!
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Kurt,

It's good to hear from you. I too was a bit concerned. Sorry about the dreams and all the catch up you need to do at school.

Stay in school even if it takes another year. You deserve, even need your education. It is the key to your future, My Friend, and you DO have a future. It may seem bleak right now, but if you are willing to hang in there, things will get better.

I think you would benefit a lot from seeing a therapist. A good one can help you understand the reasons you have the dreams, for instance, and can even help you learn to make your sleep cycle more restive. He/she can help you learn to feel better about yourself rather than the broken ways of thinking your mother and the abuser left you with.

You're a good guy, Kurt. You have a lot to offer this world. Just keep working on things. You've been working so hard already. Don't give it up. You always have your brothers here to give you a hand when you need one.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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