Newest Members
journey4two, VASurvivor, jayceemac, rwolf, FindingNemo
12328 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Alicia (55), bubblytam (56), crazydragon (39), JGag78 (36), kris82 (32), Shin (28)
Who's Online
3 registered (I Want 2 Thrive, Obi, 1 invisible), 16 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12328 Members
74 Forums
63396 Topics
443248 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >
Topic Options
#389785 - 03/19/12 11:54 AM can he remember from baby times? may trigger!!!!!!
confusion4life Offline


Registered: 02/12/12
Posts: 109
Loc: Italy


_________________________
everything is always okay in the end, if it's not, then it's not the end

Top
#389788 - 03/19/12 01:32 PM Re: can he remember from baby times? may trigger!!!!!! [Re: confusion4life]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3603
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey Manuela,
I don't believe that your husband could remember all those details when he was so young. However I'm not sure that he manipulates you either. The thing is that he is coming from totally different culture than you. I'm not at all familiar with his background and Indian culture but I'm coming from country where there are many nationalities and imposed totally different systems of believes. So I know how different things could be seen and described for couple of people with some cultural differences.
If in his culture there are believes that child could remember things as early as three months than he speaks actually what he believes. Same could be about previous lives and many many other things. Cultural background is very important, you should try to learn as much as possible about that in try to better understand your husband.
I'm interested to hear what would be outcome of that test.
Nevertheless it is for me rarely seen that victim become abuser to his own child. And I really don't know nothing about incest in families. Certainly there is some play of roles and some rules must be same always. There must be some literature about it. As I can see in US there are many examples about it. I've just read some book that very shortly describes that in case of incest is actually happening betrayal of power. It is always case that abuser is adult who is in power against child (victim). Secrecy is other part of that relationship.
Here is some article about incest but it is related to victim and not to preparator:
http://www.mhcc.org.au/TICP/research-papers/Kluft-2011.pdf
And there is article for offender's treatment:
http://www.ipt-forensics.com/journal/volume3/j3_1_2.htm
I hope your family is doing well!
Pero

_________________________
My story

Top
#389789 - 03/19/12 01:46 PM Re: can he remember from baby times? may trigger!!!!!! [Re: confusion4life]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5778
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
Hello Confusion:
There is some controversy about childhood memories before the age of 4. Most scientists concur that permanent memories don't take hold until the age of 4 and oftentimes people who recall memories before that time are usually taking cues from photographs or recalling stories told to them. However, people do have "body memories" in which they may react to memories pertaining to their bodies, such as being touched by someone but don't have the recall of who is touching them or the context of the touch.

Pre-verbal memories (without the language to put the memory in context) are often vague in that the child's brain and experiences are confused because they don't have the understanding that an older child or adult would have.

That said, don't know what your husband is going through in the legal system. Hopefully, he can get some help from a competent program or therapist. As for the voice-stress analyzer, most therapists in this field would rely more on a polygraph than a vsa, at least from what I've heard. You may want to do some research on the vsa vs. the polygraph. Neither are 100% reliable but the poly is more accurate than the vsa, in the opinion of many professionals.

Good luck in your efforts.
Ken


Top
#389792 - 03/19/12 02:04 PM Re: can he remember from baby times? may trigger!!!!!! [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 727
Loc: NJ
Personally I wouldnt let him near the children and I would get the family with a trained T. ASAP.

"i am totally clear that he is dangerous" Your words from the other post.

" (not raped and not physically hurt, not forced or asked her to touch him)"

This sentance leave me so many questions for you. Protect yourself and your children.

Sorry you are dealing with this, but your story makes me very nervous for you and your children....it seems from what you write, everything about him is manipulative.

_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

Top
#389885 - 03/20/12 03:17 AM Re: can he remember from baby times? may trigger!!!!!! [Re: peroperic2009]
confusion4life Offline


Registered: 02/12/12
Posts: 109
Loc: Italy

thanks pero, i will let you know
_________________________
everything is always okay in the end, if it's not, then it's not the end

Top
#389886 - 03/20/12 03:23 AM Re: can he remember from baby times? may trigger!!!!!! [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
confusion4life Offline


Registered: 02/12/12
Posts: 109
Loc: Italy
hi ken,

thanks for your answer. i chose the test with the voice analyses because i read a lot about all the options and it seems that the polygraph ones are less reliable. but because you wrote this now, i will call the fbi and simply ask them. this voice analyses i found here (near italy - detectors are not usually used officially in europe but this certain one has been used in austrian courts when things got really complicated). the company which does the tests had this training year in israel (war crimes...)and say it is 98 % reliable. but i am still going to call the fbi in the usa somewhere now, so that i am sure i get the best result possible.
besides the voice analyses test, i have sent him through a ct scan and a magnet resonance test and will get the results tomorrow, as i read that "child abusers" have differnt parts of the brain not the same like us (not abusive people).
i just hold on to the last straw i can get....so that i dont do anything wrong to even him.

thanks ken, for this valuable information.

manuela

_________________________
everything is always okay in the end, if it's not, then it's not the end

Top
#389887 - 03/20/12 03:40 AM Re: can he remember from baby times? may trigger!!!!!! [Re: Castle]
confusion4life Offline


Registered: 02/12/12
Posts: 109
Loc: Italy
_________________________
everything is always okay in the end, if it's not, then it's not the end

Top
#389917 - 03/20/12 10:16 AM Re: can he remember from baby times? may trigger!!!!!! [Re: confusion4life]
GoodHope Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/05/11
Posts: 415
I don't want you to underestate the harm to your daughter just because there was no penetration. Severe psycholohical harm is done with nudity, without. With violence and without. Complicating matters further is that her perp is her father. Trust issues, self esteem, blurred boundaries etc. don't trust that your daughter seems fine. I pray she is, but the fall out from the abuse manifests itself in many different ways. My husband looks perfect. His mother described him as a perfect child. He strove to paper perfect because he felt less than because of the degradation of his abuse. She is bound to feel guilt and perceive herself as partly responsible for his legal troubles even though she is not a guilty party. My husband is a grown man now and still has difficulty not seeing himself as complicit. It still disturbs him to think of upsetting family dynamics. I don't think any victim should have to deal with their perp unless they are fully capable of understanding their interaction with him or her.

_________________________
Wife of a survivor

Top
#389921 - 03/20/12 11:02 AM Re: can he remember from baby times? may trigger!!!!!! [Re: GoodHope]
confusion4life Offline


Registered: 02/12/12
Posts: 109
Loc: Italy
thank you
_________________________
everything is always okay in the end, if it's not, then it's not the end

Top
#389922 - 03/20/12 11:32 AM Re: can he remember from baby times? may trigger!!!!!! [Re: confusion4life]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3603
Loc: South-East Europe
Dear Manuela,
it seems that you have had everything under control, you didn't left anything uncovered. I'm very happy to hear how you've dealt with your independent daughter, you are very supportive to her, I admire that! You must be super-mother and super-women.
I wish to be one day same parent as you are.
Please let us know if there are in your neighborhood left some other women like you are smile?
You are really awesome!!!
Pero

_________________________
My story

Top
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.