Wow how heart felt
Your wife is a truly remarkable person as well, that level of compassion is a testament to what a great connection you have. Both of you need to be commended.
There is an author aaron anson http://www.aaronanson.com/Mind_Your_Own_Life/Welcome.html
He thought that all kids had same sex attractions and that religion would help you "man-up". Married with kids for 15 years before he finally got tired and said "this life is not me". We become ghosts in our own lives.
For some of us its the CSA , for others religion, hyper rigid parents, neglect, physical abuse, etc. All these can contribute to us preventing ourselves from accepting who we truly are and what makes us happy. Mind your own life, the journey back to love
. This is what his book is. Minding your life so that your desires, feeling and orientation match your actions in life. When you feel something deep inside but do and act another way, there is a price to be paid by your sense of self. That is where part of the guilt and shame come in. Its understandable.
You are so not alone bro
But to the original premise of the thread ,
HOW DO YOU STOP IT
The answer is very uncomplicated. YOU DON'T
It's how you deal with it. you can either accept it or not accept it. That is something you CAN control. Stopping it?, how do you stop the wind.