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#389222 - 03/14/12 01:54 AM My name is Ryan
RyreeBee Offline


Registered: 03/14/12
Posts: 2
Like a few of the intros I have read, I never thought it happend to me. I blocked it out for 23 years. The past 12 have been spent blocking it out with booze. I originally started my trek to recovery by addressing the alcohol issue. During counseling, I was directed to find the root issue. I remembered when I was 7 and left with an older neighbor and he molested me. Until I finally decided to ask for help with my addiction issue, I never admitted that I was violated. I WAS VIOLATED. I WAS SEVEN FUCKING YEARS OLD. THAT ISN;T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! The past few weeks are the first that I've had to deal with it. Every single relatioinship I've had has been completely fucked because of this. I was going to marry a girl, but me trying to cope got so out of control that she won't talk to me anymore. I tried to tell my dad, and he asked if I was a faggot. I know this isnt my fault, but I need help.


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#389224 - 03/14/12 02:12 AM Re: My name is Ryan [Re: RyreeBee]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3599
Loc: South-East Europe
Welcome to MS Ryan,
I'm sorry that you have been exposed to some terrible experience which obliviously left some marks on you. It is not your fault, many of us are feeling the same...
Unfortunately many times our parents didn't have enough understanding for us and our experiences and because of that many of us were put aside on our own as small boys. To be able to survive we have to deal with many difficulties that others didn't have, it was very difficult journey. You are brother survivor and you are at right place in look for some relief and recovery. Believe me there is way to find lost inner peace and to stop problematic behavior (alcohol, drugs, porn, gambling...) to which many of us were escaping because of abusive past.
There are many resources here that could help you. Please keep searching, asking and reading. You'll get needed support here, we know what means to be alone struggling for long time. There is no need to be alone anymore, remember that, you are here surrounded with friendly and supportive people!
Be Well!
Pero

_________________________
My story

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#389229 - 03/14/12 02:59 AM Re: My name is Ryan [Re: peroperic2009]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Well you are in a safe place and I have just started as you have in recovery. I find several people here on this site that are very knowledgable and offer lots of great advice and support. This was not ur fault at all an you deserve to lay these burden down and accept happiness for once. What amazing and strong willed people we as survivors are. To cope and deal and still be here. You will be on a long journey but finally you are in control and this will or can not define your life any longer. Stay strong. We are here for you

_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

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#389230 - 03/14/12 03:01 AM Re: My name is Ryan [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
First off my advice would be stay far away from the booze. I meant to add that earlier. For me I have found OR gotten back to the the Lord and it has been easy to lay the booze down. He washed me of that want or need To drink. .

_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

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#389233 - 03/14/12 03:22 AM Re: My name is Ryan [Re: Country]
RyreeBee Offline


Registered: 03/14/12
Posts: 2
XXX



Edited by RyreeBee (03/14/12 03:27 AM)

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#389234 - 03/14/12 03:23 AM Re: My name is Ryan [Re: Country]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3296
Loc: back in the USA
Ryan - you are right when you say:

*** I WAS VIOLATED. I WAS SEVEN FUCKING YEARS OLD. THAT ISN;T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! ***

it shouldn't have happenened and it was not right.

I hope you also know and can believe that IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!

I'm glad you have come here and i can assure you that you will find LOADS of help, reassurance, encouragement and affirmation. one of the best things (IRONICALLY!) is to realize that none of us is ALONE is this. i hope you'll make yourself "at home" and feel free to read, comment, ask questions and post new threads.

With you,
Lee

_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#389237 - 03/14/12 03:38 AM Re: My name is Ryan [Re: RyreeBee]
ANDREW63 Offline


Registered: 08/27/11
Posts: 164
Loc: Australia
Hi Ryan ,WELCOME to MS .we are all here to take the journey of recovery with you .Andrew

_________________________
LOOK AT ME NOW I AM A SURVIVOR !My inner child and I are now doing this together !

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#389250 - 03/14/12 09:28 AM Re: My name is Ryan [Re: ANDREW63]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Welcome, Ryan. Welcome to a rare place - one of acceptance. Even if we many not completely understand, we will accept. And agree with you that what happened to you was wrong. Not your fault.
Now you can start the journey away from the realm of self-doubt, grief, self-blame, and importantly --- self-abuse.

M

_________________________
the story
††† https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013

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#389257 - 03/14/12 12:00 PM Re: My name is Ryan [Re: MarkK]
Fissy Tsickens Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/23/08
Posts: 466
Loc: Bassett, Virginia
Hi, Ryan.

Welcome to MS. I hope you find the time you spend here to be valuable, as have I.

There are lots of great guys here. Besides just being "nice," the really good thing is that although each of our situations is unique, we all have some amount of understanding of what it is like to have been sexually victimized, and can truly empathize with each other. Here, while we celebrate your uniqueness, you are also just one of the gang. We get it. We get you, and we welcome you with open arms (and virtual hugs!).

Best of luck on your journey.

Peace,

John

_________________________
Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home Iíll never see

It may sound absurd...but donít be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but wonít you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
Itís not easy to be me

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#389258 - 03/14/12 12:01 PM Re: My name is Ryan [Re: RyreeBee]
Sobernow Offline


Registered: 05/17/10
Posts: 256
Loc: Oklahoma
Hey RB;

Im glad you found this site. I understand what you are going thru. I had a terrible porn addiction - and when I started getting help - then I had to face my abuse issue from when I was 5-6yo boy.

There is help. Things can get better.

I understand how this effects relationships & really our whole life.

Sober


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