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#389240 - 03/14/12 04:45 AM Enough Damage Already
1lifenow Offline


Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 411
Loc: west coast
I know the feeling cuz its part of how we think, but please - Enough with the DAMAGED GOODS analogies already.
Please do not take this personally but we are NOT damaged. Injured, wounded , bereft of tools and coping skills yup we are all those. But damaged implies factory seconds, beyond repair, reduced to clear or final sale. I have yet to meet any survivor who is any of those things.

Wounds heal with a scar often stronger than the tissues they replace. Bone heals with a callus that makes it less likely to break again. Lacking skills or tools means a new opportunity to gain insite and understanding, maybe at at time in our lives that bring more meaning and gradittude than could have ever been possible.

I know we tend to sometimes think of ourselves as less than, but:
DAMAGED GOODS - Not a fucking chance!

_________________________
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

WoR Barrie 2011

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#389243 - 03/14/12 05:59 AM Re: Enough Damage Already [Re: 1lifenow]
dancr6 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/07
Posts: 383
Loc: georgia
I REALLY like that idea.

_________________________
I'm a freeman now, his authority's dead
no pain monger lies in my comfortable bed!

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#389245 - 03/14/12 06:01 AM Re: Enough Damage Already [Re: dancr6]
traveler Online   confused
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3493
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Love your ATTITUDE, man!

_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#389256 - 03/14/12 11:34 AM Re: Enough Damage Already [Re: traveler]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1428
Loc: California
Thank you for this.

Wonderful insight!

The trick is in how to find the healing. The body does heal on its own, we don't have to think about it.

But when it comes to psychological healing, we have to take a proactive part in it. We have to choose differently, behave differently, think differently. So difficult to do because we all start this journey thinking we are inherently defective.

Wow. I need to remember this next time I sink into despair and feel defeated.

D

_________________________
If I'm acting despondent, Please ask me if I'm eating sugar. I keep forgetting sugar makes me crazy.

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#389259 - 03/14/12 12:03 PM Re: Enough Damage Already [Re: 1lifenow]
Sobernow Offline


Registered: 05/17/10
Posts: 256
Loc: Oklahoma
This is really a wakeup for me too.

I tend to think I am defective somehow.


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#389261 - 03/14/12 12:20 PM Re: Enough Damage Already [Re: Sobernow]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2503
Loc: Denver, CO
I agree with the misconcept of "Damaged Goods" ... not sure if I agree completely with just the word "damaged", as a car can be "damaged" in an accident - - - but I agree, I AM NOT DAMAGED GOODS!

Thank you for bringing it to mind. Another rung in the victory ladder.

_________________________
the story
    https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013

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#389267 - 03/14/12 01:00 PM Re: Enough Damage Already [Re: MarkK]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3618
Loc: South-East Europe

We are Victims No longer smile!!!!

_________________________
My story

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#389276 - 03/14/12 02:34 PM Re: Enough Damage Already [Re: peroperic2009]
1lifenow Offline


Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 411
Loc: west coast
Thanks guys

I agree about the car accident analogy, you're right there is trauma and impact. Left untended the rust ensues and the structure weakens and we are left with a bucket of bolts.

Wounds left untended can get infected, and ooze forever. The point about heeling is it does take care, it does take attention, it takes a look inward beneath the bandaging beneath the facade.

Thanks guys, I know this is such a painful thing to go thru at times.

I remember an old college anatomy prof once said b4 antibiotics they would have to scrub a would with a hard brush to remove the debris and then use soap or alcohol in an open wound. I know its what it feels like an open wound. Every trigger or flashback can be like a brush stroke in the most painful of places. Each one means one less we will have to face as we get closer to the healing.

Its going to be ok. Really.

_________________________
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

WoR Barrie 2011

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#389278 - 03/14/12 03:10 PM Re: Enough Damage Already [Re: 1lifenow]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
1lifenow,

Thanks for writing about this "damaged goods" aspect of abuse. This gives a different way of looking at the abuse.

I will go on record by saying: I have lived as a victim. I have lived as damaged goods. I was "sold" as a second, third, etc, commodity. I was beaten, robbed and raped even as an adult. I thought (believed) I deserved to be used. Damaged goods - hmmmmm. I drank - I am an alcoholic. I am damaged goods as far as the way alcohol affects me. Some foods affect me differetly than others. I have PTSD, which is getting less intense but, I am damaged in the sense I am hypervigilant.

I validate each of us to define what kind of life we have lived.

Some of my fellow survivors have not and some will not recover from the abuse.

Avery



Edited by Avery46 (03/14/12 03:30 PM)
_________________________
aka DJsport

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#389289 - 03/14/12 05:03 PM Re: Enough Damage Already [Re: Avery46]
1lifenow Offline


Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 411
Loc: west coast
Thanks for those thoughtful words Avery

I agree each has his own path.

Recovered, no i dont think can ever fully recover, but honestly even by being here it gets better. Just to different degrees based on so many factors.

Doing group or workbooks or T or WoR or just reading on the internet. The very act of increased self awareness and knowledge is a further long than b4 and may not be where we want to be , but is not the place we were either. You sharing your story, recieving genuine empathy cuz some or many have been in your shoes and seen thru eyes so similar, there can be no mistaking the vantage point.

But make no mistake, not doing anything IS a choice.

I was a drinker too, went to AA. Realized its not the alcohol that makes me damaged(well my liver) but how i react and use it as a pain killer. Now thru T and a book no longer abuse alchohol. I have a 2 drink limit and stick to it. Or no drink or one drink, i dont really care. But I am not an alcoholic, its not a disease, like so many things that happen to us as Survivors , it is a maladaptive compulsion like drugs, gambling, anonymous sex, shopping, hypervigilance, sexual anorexia, etc. Find the reason for the compulsion recognize what state drove you there, what you can do about it and the compulsion is no longer in control. Avoiding or indulging are not tools. But understanding is.

Its up to each of us to find our own truth. Its a choice whether we chose to reach for it or not.

This first line in a book on recovery said "find out what you dont know" wtf, that makes no sense. Thats why i bought the stupid book in the first place. What kind of mind F is that?

But it does when you look back after being further down the road. Its all about perspective.

Cheers

_________________________
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

WoR Barrie 2011

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