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#388375 - 03/05/12 02:39 PM Re: Relapsed. [Re: Magellan]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3610
Loc: South-East Europe
I've used to be very lonely, and in personal matters and relationships I'm still. At last therapy with my T (last friday wink ) we've discussed my history of relationships (I've got just couple of them and never been too successful). My T has concluded that I'm looking for specific kind of intensive connecting to potential partners. It is very demanding thing for others. It is like I'm expecting to become "one" on almost subconscious level form very early start; exchange of emotions, energy and thoughts that I'm demanding is very difficult do fulfill by other people and I'm usually at the end left disappointed with shown lack of mutual understanding.
One night stands and similar things were never options for me. I'm always looking for kind of "soul connecting partner". It is very difficult for me from time to time, I've felt like I'm from other planet or some other century, completely lost in this high tech instant world. Anyway I have to face myself in honest way and accept all about me. That means: I'm the one who is responsible for my happiness and who mostly has failed, not others, I'm not ready for change and taking some risks related to relationships no matter how lonely I've felt. Difficult thing to accept, but very true frown .
Pero


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#388382 - 03/05/12 04:02 PM Re: Relapsed. [Re: peroperic2009]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3610
Loc: South-East Europe
I forgot to mention, I've came from country where people have used to sang songs related to unrequited love, there is special type of old fashioned music which radiate only that emotion. My kind of music smile .

One of new stuff related to my love feelings goes like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6LJbqqbJf0

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#389202 - 03/13/12 09:42 PM Re: Relapsed. [Re: Magellan]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1408
Loc: California
Okay ... I'm sober again.

Gave myself 2 weeks, leading up to a ski trip I took with a long time friend.

A strange thing. I really didn't want to drink very much, nor did I want to stay stoned 24/7. I smoked only in the evening on work days, and allowed myself to smoke during the weekends when I wasn't needed.

Not sure what that was all about, but coming clean again was pretty easy.

Told my therapist all about it and when I saw him last week, I said I would quit on Sunday. And I did. And I intend to stay that way.

We're apparently about to begin doing some 'hard work' in therapy. Dunno what that means.

D

_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM

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