I've used to be very lonely, and in personal matters and relationships I'm still. At last therapy with my T (last friday
) we've discussed my history of relationships (I've got just couple of them and never been too successful). My T has concluded that I'm looking for specific kind of intensive connecting to potential partners. It is very demanding thing for others. It is like I'm expecting to become "one" on almost subconscious level form very early start; exchange of emotions, energy and thoughts that I'm demanding is very difficult do fulfill by other people and I'm usually at the end left disappointed with shown lack of mutual understanding.
One night stands and similar things were never options for me. I'm always looking for kind of "soul connecting partner". It is very difficult for me from time to time, I've felt like I'm from other planet or some other century, completely lost in this high tech instant world. Anyway I have to face myself in honest way and accept all about me. That means: I'm the one who is responsible for my happiness and who mostly has failed, not others, I'm not ready for change and taking some risks related to relationships no matter how lonely I've felt. Difficult thing to accept, but very true