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#389145 - 03/13/12 05:43 AM Going to prison
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6317
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
Yes, that subject line is correct. I truly am preparing to go to prison (technically jail) this very evening.

I've been deep-inside many, many prisons throughout New England as a government representative for a legal research company. Tonight will be a very different trip however.

Tonight, I'll enter a juvenile jail. I'll be entering the hell that I was promised as a destination if I fumbled in the slightest way as a kid. Being sent to "Juvie" was the threat that was leveraged to scare me, rape me, control me, and nearly killed me. It was hung over my head at school, in my bicycle-riding neighborhood full of late baby-boomers and their parents who seemed to delight in having the truly "bad kid" already identified.

They all had open license to torture Rob Brown...and if he yelps, kicks, resists or objects, we'll just say we saw him ____________ . We saw him with another knife...we saw him throw a rock at another child...we saw him generally screw-up.

Its what cost me 7-years of being a warm sex-meat for four older boys with a deliberately cultivated sexual appetite. Its what made my perpetrators into bold rape-kings.

Tonight, I enter the "hall of ultimate doom" as a counselor to the boys imprisoned there.

I don't even know if my legs will fail me and turn to rubber as I approach the gate. Will my PTSD kick-in and end what may be just a fanciful and foolish attempt at "fixing things?"

Pictures at eleven.

_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

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#389146 - 03/13/12 06:01 AM Re: Going to prison [Re: Still]
dancr6 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/07
Posts: 383
Loc: georgia
My legs are trembling for you. I wish you well.

_________________________
I'm a freeman now, his authority's dead
no pain monger lies in my comfortable bed!

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#389147 - 03/13/12 06:09 AM Re: Going to prison [Re: dancr6]
Dar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/15/11
Posts: 170
Loc: Missouri
You amaze me Robbie, I wish I had your strength and convictions to help others as you do.
You are our Hero.
Blessings

_________________________
All I ever wanted was a hug.

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#389152 - 03/13/12 06:55 AM Re: Going to prison [Re: Dar]
traveler Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3199
Loc: back in the USA
Go with God and make a difference for those boys!
Bless you for doing for them what no one did for you.
Lee

_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#389156 - 03/13/12 07:38 AM Re: Going to prison [Re: traveler]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3566
Loc: South-East Europe
I wish you all luck that you've needed Robbie.
I'm sure that you'll do great and be calm there!
You can do it man, you are our hero!

Pero

_________________________
My story

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#389170 - 03/13/12 10:53 AM Re: Going to prison [Re: peroperic2009]
RollerCoaster Offline


Registered: 10/23/11
Posts: 47
Loc: PA, USA
Good luck bro ! I wish you well. They say that there are 2 steps to accomplish anything: First, its done in the mind, and then its done in real life. You have been brave enough to do the first one and won half the battle. I wish you good luck for the other half. You are indeed a hero !


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#389173 - 03/13/12 12:02 PM Re: Going to prison [Re: Still]
Sailor John Offline


Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 307
Loc: Newfoundland & Labrador
Hi Robbie,

Just remember that going into a juvenile jail will be similiar just a different age. Everything will go good for you.

With what you've been through, the kids will almost instantly pick up that "something" that everyone and build an instant rapport with them and end up chatting with them. Who knows what will come from that chat - you will help many more than you could think about.

_________________________
I will mourn the teenager I never was and strive to make that dot of light way out in the far reaches of the end of the tunnel turn into a bright sun.

WE ARE NOT VICTIMS. WE ARE THE SURVIVORS!!!

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#389177 - 03/13/12 12:18 PM Re: Going to prison [Re: Sailor John]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1363
Loc: California
Hi Robbie,

I really, REALLY admire you and your courage. I hope to be able to reach out to others and teach at the depth that you are.

Thank you for your inspiration

D

_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

-- I must remind myself that sugar is my enemy. I can't control my sugar consumption and sugar makes me mentally unstable. I'm reminding myself (because I forgot again).

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#389376 - 03/15/12 02:02 PM WENT to Juvie - Done [Re: Magellan]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6317
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
Here's how it went:

Ray,

Tuesday's session was one of the most amazing and positive experiences of my life. You have to be fully cognizant of the fact that I was under constant threat of being sent to Juvie in Massachusetts during a period when Juvies were Hell on Earth. So entering what was to be my destination if I tripped-up was quite intimidating. Certainly, the facility we visited shows a new era of youth corrections.

I had no fears, nerves, worries and even any degree of concern once we were inside. I actually wish they had sent me away to a place like that for the seven-years that I was being abused.

I have to take some factors into consideration as to whether or not to proceed, along with much fervent prayer:

FACTORS:
- Strain on my kids: I returned home too late for them. Right now, any time away from them is a pain-contributor.
- Other's input: For all three references and you to be concerned about 'stability,' I need to take notice.

Normally, I always go with the facts and 'known' factors when making a decision like this, and I've never been wrong in such decisions. My head and gut tells me I'd be fine with it. But for once, I'm going to take heed of other's input.

Yes, I see things as great, fine and 'doable' right now, but I do have a lot on my emotional plate right now with the divorce issues, the PTSD and my kids. So I think any reasonable person would conclude "not now," as an answer. And that IS my decision: I feel as if this endeavor is perfect for me, but not in this current era.

Let's please consider other uses for me in the future. I think I ought to be of use to the residence project given my MBA and marketing background. I'm skilled at corporate relations, fund-raising from corporations, public-relations, business-plans and so-on.

Not bringing the word to the kids I use to be is beyond painful, light-years past disappointing, and a tremendous blow to my perceived value to God. But all signs point to "not now." I'll get over that, but my kids are expressing joy with my decision...and that means a lot.

I apologize profusely for taking-up your time and energy.

God Bless you Ray and may he bless the kids you serve. Some of them are me. I was and still am "the least of these."

_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

New Video

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#389380 - 03/15/12 02:27 PM Re: WENT to Juvie - Done [Re: Still]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2568
(((Rob)))

If all signs are "not now". Take that for what it is. Live and heal now and be there for your kids. That's more important than anything I think. Once the kids are grown and off to their own lives, you'll have plenty of time.

Your heart is totally in the right place. I feel a deep pull and need to help others and help children, but for me it's kinda the same place. I know I could do it and do it well, but my oldest is 11. My kids need their dad. It hurts but it's the right decision for now.

Your value to God will never change.

My heart breaks for the wounded, but right now, my task as dad is to make sure I do everything in my power to make sure my kids don't join those ranks. Yes I know that no matter how hard to work to ensure that it could still happen, but I'll make sure I'm doing what I can.

"Not Now" doesn't mean "Not Ever".

Keep up the good fight Rob! I think you're doing a good job.


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