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#388946 - 03/11/12 12:02 AM Is this Normal?
Logan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1206
Loc: NY
Ok, so i have been in heal from the abuse for a while now, like 5 years or so, in that I have been really facing it and at first the Nightmares and Flashbacks were insanely intense; then things calmed down and got a lot better and got to a point were I would only have a nightmare once or twice a week, and I would still have an occasional flashback, maybe once every 2 months, or have these 'not really flashback type memories' cause I was remembering them but not reliving them as I remembered them. I guess that they are what one would call a traumatic memory.

Anyway, my question is as follows: It is Possible to still be remembering repressed, traumatic memories after all of this time? I mean I have told as much of my story that I remember many times, and somewhat believe that I have gotten "it" all out. I have had many flashbacks and maybe thousands of horrific nightmares and Thought that I had found a place of somewhat normalcy, and then I remember something NEW and it sorta throws me a little bit because I kinda thought that If I forced myself to face it and go through all of the really painful stuff and talk about it all with my T, then it would eventually begin to go away and I would be able to live that somewhat normal life that I was striving for!

But I don't get it! Everything seems fine and I am doing reasonably Ok, especially when you compare how I was a few years ago dealing with the flood that came after the mental-dam broke, even before i began dealing with it in the 1st place and kept trying to deny to myself that 'anything "really" happened to me.'
And then, out of the blue I will remember something completely NEW, and sometimes its not that bid of a deal, but other times it is of very graphic content.

So I guess going back to my main question.
Does this happen with any one else, That they think that they have already uncovered everything there it to uncover, and then get hit with more bad traumatic memories????

Thank you in advance for at least reading my post,

Your Fellow struggling and confused Survivor,
Logan

_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

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#388947 - 03/11/12 12:19 AM Re: Is this Normal? [Re: Logan]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2589
Sadly man I think it is indeed normal.

I've been at points where I thought I'd dug into all that I needed and then BAM I get smacked by something new out of nowhere.

I've heard others call this stuff the "gift that keeps on giving". Sadly it seems to be true. Always seems something is waiting to creep up from the shadows.


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#388950 - 03/11/12 12:44 AM Re: Is this Normal? [Re: JustScott]
peroperic2009 Online   content
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3617
Loc: South-East Europe
Part of recovery is connected to learning coping with those sudden blasts from past.
We would never be completely safe, but those traumatic reappearances should become at least rare with time and recovery (just my opinion).
Hang on Logan. You are on correct path, go in that direction!!!!
Pero

_________________________
My story

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#388951 - 03/11/12 01:35 AM Re: Is this Normal? [Re: peroperic2009]
traveler Online   confused
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3492
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Yeah - me too... new stuff almost weekly - since starting to seriously work on it in oct. and here i thought i'd got it all "out" back years ago - the 1st time i had therapy. sometimes it's not totally new events but more details or more intense emotions about the event or connections between different things that i hadn't realized.

doesn't get easier to deal with - but i think i'm bouncing back quicker as i develop more coping strategies.

Lee

_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#388962 - 03/11/12 08:44 AM Re: Is this Normal? [Re: traveler]
dancr6 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/07
Posts: 383
Loc: georgia
"I've been at points where I thought I'd dug into all that I needed and then BAM I get smacked by something new out of nowhere."

"Part of recovery is connected to learning coping with those sudden blasts from past.
We would never be completely safe, but those traumatic reappearances should become at least rare with time and recovery "

".......i'm bouncing back quicker as i develop more coping strategies."


Logan, I was 37 when a therapist convinced me that being molested at 7 wasn't my fault, I am now 65 and agree with all of the statements made above. It DOES get easier! The time between the "BAM" and the soothing of it gets shorter all the time. Trust yourself Logan, you have a gentle Warrior in you that is guiding you even when you aren't aware of him.

Be kind to yourself !!

_________________________
I'm a freeman now, his authority's dead
no pain monger lies in my comfortable bed!

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#388963 - 03/11/12 08:56 AM Re: Is this Normal? [Re: dancr6]
dancr6 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/07
Posts: 383
Loc: georgia
Logan, I want to add something. Two years ago, I had a memory of an incident that I had blocked. It was a real "BAM as Justscott called it. several years ago I would have been overwhelmed for weeks, but, with the strategies I've gained I was able to deal with it in a matter of days and it was out of my head and in front of me where I could deal with it. Please trust yourself, you WILL get stronger and life CAN be more comfortable. Keep working with it.

_________________________
I'm a freeman now, his authority's dead
no pain monger lies in my comfortable bed!

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#388965 - 03/11/12 09:40 AM Re: Is this Normal? [Re: dancr6]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1235
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/17/13 09:11 PM)
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#388967 - 03/11/12 09:59 AM Re: Is this Normal? [Re: lapchinj]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1751
Jeff

I am in therapy and support groups--once you open up, accept and let the guard down that is blocking the memories more of the events will come to you. I am going through that right now. Like dancr6 I have strategies to help me cope with the memories, better than I could have in the past. I never had full block of all my memories, I had nightmares and intrusive thoughts of from the memories over the years, but could control and push back and "pretend" the abuse never happened. But in the end it is there and I cannot pretend anymore. So I think the memories can become clearer with acceptance and time.


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#388970 - 03/11/12 10:39 AM Re: Is this Normal? [Re: KMCINVA]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1235
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/17/13 09:11 PM)
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#388972 - 03/11/12 10:46 AM Re: Is this Normal? [Re: lapchinj]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6573
Loc: Never Sugar Mountain
Logan,

I've lost an entire year of mid-childhood. I even knew I had lost it way back then. It was the fourth-grade year. Not ONE memory. Everyone said to leave it alone...that there was a reason for it.

But I'm serious. All of a sudden, as kid, I was standing in front of a mirror and did not know how I got there and could not remember a thing about the previous year.

Now...there are little FBs that literally take my breath away. Show-stoppers! They are so short and so small in view that I can't identify their context.

I've also packaged the psychotic beatings from withing the home. I can see them. They scare me. But I only look at them from outside a window (for now anyway)...but they were true hell on earth.

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