Fri nite was a big event - my drama class performed for the public - mostly friends and family and students - but a full house. It was a great success - the kids did a superb job and i was so proud. The boy I have been concerned about was the male lead. He did so well and i am hoping this will help boost his morale and self-image. Everybody loves him - he's just the "perfect" young man on the surface. Shows what a great actor he really is... i think that's one of the reasons i identify with him so deeply.

Lee

This is wonderful news Lee,
You are doing great job, you are awesome but we've known already that fact.
Giving attention and support would be very helpful to that kid!
I wish I've had such teacher .
Pero

Hi Lee,

Thank you so much for caring so much about this lovely boy - if everyone was like you, the world will be a safer place for kids.

From all you have posted here, that boy is definitely being abused. One thing that is sure is, it is a HUGE burden upon his young shoulders - he is unable to speak about it because:

1. He doesn't feel safe enough to speak to you - you went to him and not him to you. When he feels he can trust you, and feels less inhibited and afraid, he may come to you.

2. The person involved may be toooooo close for comfort and the revelation would change their lives forever!

3. He may feel responsible to keep the status quo so that he is not ultimately responsible for breaking down the equilibrium of his life as he knows it now - "now" though sad and terrifying, is less terrifying than an uncertain and very different "future". This sort is usually quite common amongst incest victims.

As LandofShadow has posted, you never know what the parents are like at home - I would distance myself a little if I were you, so that the boy does not see you as their ally, should they (or one of them) be the one(s) doing this to him.

In all, keep up the good work - you are a star, and may very well be his guardian angel. God bless you and I have both of you in my prayers.

The person who violated my son was the person he loved most in this world - he kept their secret for longer than anyone of us knew - but when he could bear the physical pain of the assault no more, he blurted it out one day, asking me to tell his Daddy to stop because it hurt too much! And he was a mere baby! That was the day my life (as I knew it) ended!

A Loving Mum.

this is an old thread - but i just learned of an appendix to the story - unfortunately.

the boy i was concerned about graduated and has moved on. i now have his ex-girlfriend, who is a year younger, in my classes. i now know that while he was in the relationship with her he was abusing her in various ways.

it hurts so badly to know that. i hurt for her - and for him. i am now more convinced than ever that he was also a victim. maybe i gave up too soon. or maybe his parents should have been more nosy. i don't know. i did what i though was right at the time. but i guess it wasn't enough.

moral of the story - trust your instincts.
Lee

That's sad to hear, Lee, but I'm so glad you planted the seed that others see and do care. So many victims and survivors are seen and revictimized by being ignored, and you didn't do that. You're awesome!

If all he knows is what he does, then perpetuating DV seems rational in his mind, as does the cutting. I hope your seed grows and he strengthens throughout the next few years and seeks out someone he trusts to get help.

I wish my guy had had an educator like you in his life.

I just read this thread and I was sorry to hear the update. I don’t think you should be so hard on yourself though. There is nothing more you could have done. You can’t force someone to tell. But I just wanted to say there are lots of reasons people self harm. Not just abuse. I did read recently that people who were abused were 4 times more likely to self harm than people who haven’t been, but I’ve seen other studies that showed that a large percentage of self harmers haven’t been abused.

I know people who have done it for a whole lot of different reasons, like bullying, stress, depression, for attention (people look at that really harshly, but I don’t see what’s so wrong with wanting someone to pay attention to you. You must be really lonely and desperate if that’s the only thing you can think of to do to get some attention.) Some girl I knew started because this guy broke up with her, to guilt him into getting back together with her. I know quite a few people who have used it to manipulate people they are in a relationship with.

I guess I am about the same age as the guy you were trying to help. I’m not sure but I think I probably would have denied everything if a teacher asked me directly. It’s weird to me that he would let people see his scars though. Most people try really hard to keep them hidden. I guess he was trying to say something by showing them. But you shouldn't feel bad, you really did everything you could.

thank you, txb.

it does help - coming from your perspective.

lee