I'm a survivor and I certainly get aroused by certain parts of events and I don't like it. That is part of our shame and we hate to admit it because it does not make logical sense, but where the hell is the logic when an adult goes after a little kid?

Gently nudge him to join this board so he knows he is not alone in the world. We all felt that, trust me. This is a safe place to vent and to begin to tell his story of what happened. We all need that.

Best wishes.

Alex

Hi misskilez,i am sorry that you had to find us here but i am so glad that you have taken the step to find us ,the support that i have received here has helped me with my recovery .Andrew.

Hi misskilez,

It is completely normal. When I was in high school, I would somtimes get an erection when my teacher (a Christian Brother) would pass by my desk. It happened that another "Christian" brother was the 1st one that abused me before the priests and my sperm provider got hold of me and made me their "play-toy" for the summer. Was this caused by the abuse? I'll never know but think it was.

Since he is talking to you, this strongly implys that he trusts you greatly. Remember that if he finds out that you violated this trust, it will set him back to the start. If you want to help him, ensure that you look after yourself in all ways, mentally, physically and good nourishment.

I showed him some of your responses and he was really happy to know that it is really common. He's had another major setback though as his grandmother died suddenly this week. I have tried to be supportive to him but I can only do so much. I don't want to force him to take any action as I'm afraid that will only make him regress.

Misskilez -

Sorry to hear about the grandmother. Any kind of emotional pain or loss can really affect the emotional/mental balance when starting to deal with CSA issues. you usually either become hyper-sensitive to everything and totally lose it or just shut down completely. Hoping for him to regain whatever looks like balance for him soon. He no doubt has developed his own coping tactics that have helped him get this far...

You are right on about not pushing - but gentle loving nudges are sometimes helpful - especially if you put it in a "WE/US" context to reassure him he's not alone in this.

Meanwhile, we're all here (both survivors & supporters) for both of you, if and when you need to vent, question or share the ups and downs...

Regards,
Lee