i agree 100% 1lifenow.
look, by no means do i advocate this....but there have been times when i asked myself: "what if.... i had just become like all the other gays in la; deny the past, move on with a smile, tan, great bod and slept around to get ahead, played games to get a lover, stomped on folks to move up the ladder in the music industry, and gone ahead and mingled at the cocaine table rather than run away fearing what would happen to my nose."
but i didn't follow that path. and i do tell myself i'm better, stronger, "happier than i would have been otherwise" due to the recovery process.
i try to repeat it every week... because i need to hear it in a gay and straight world that i do not fit.but where did recovery or enlightenment get me?
here i am 47. yes, totally recovered from childhood rape. but eternally single. haven't even touched another guy in 10 years. i hate that i'm becoming "that dirty old single man" this society detests no matter if one is gay or straight. my rapist was a dirty old single man too. god how i hate to think i'll soon be the age he was when he raped me and i'm not even half as successful financially as he was.
i have a job that i'd lose if i even tried to date a guy. (where are all the gay supporters? prob at that cocaine table still.) i fractured with patriotism and this nation when i moved to europe after 9.11 and learned what this country really does to the world around us. (i.e. what the media here won't dare say.)
it grows even more contentious if we examine our social norms, lack of morals, idiots in politics, the favoring of "lowest common denominator" for public education and entertainment....
we've made it damn near impossible to even find a new job...unless you sleep around, party with the right people or buy yourself a seat on the board.
and my friends and family just say: "but you can't control those things, just ignore them!"
but i can't. for to ignore what is going on around us is exactly why a rapist was allowed to set up shop in my 'hood back in 1975.... and why these men are still setting up shop, online, in your town, on the play ground or classroom.
i do not know the answer. i was hoping a place such as this could offer hope. i was hoping that guys "who get it" here would come together in real life. not many around though. lol. 9,707 members in total, lots of them are wives? and applying 1 in 6 to the male population of the u.s.a. that means 25 million male victims exist...but they ain't here that is for sure.