I hope it doesn't come to this, but you know what is best for you AND for him, at this point. So, since my husband and I did separate, which actually helped our ultimate recovery, here are some suggestions.
1. TALK TO AN ATTORNEY! Because you have children to consider, and because he won't work on his recovery, you're going to have to plan as if you will be the ONLY one to safeguard the little ones.
Your attorney might suggest a formal separation agreement, which essentially is (at least in Missouri) a non-final divorce decree. Everything is spelled out: who stays in the home, who pays what amount as child support, who is responsible for maintaining medical/dental insurance for the kids, if spousal support is to be paid, and what amount that will be, etc.
Long term things also need to be spelled out, like what part of his retirement/401k/life insurance/Social Security, etc., you are entitled to.
You'll want the agreement to specify who has full custody or primary physical custody of the kids, complete with the custody (visitation) schedule set forth.
Not only do I recommend this for your own protection and that of your babies, but having that document in his hand might be a stark wake-up call for your husband. He may realize the crossroads he's at, and may think: "This is my future I'm holding in my hands; reduced to a legal agreement. I can stop this if I will only commit to my recovery."
2. TALK TO YOUR COUNSELOR! If you still have hope that your marriage will be salvaged, perhaps you both can be counseled through what will be a "therapeutic separation". Your counselor might help you both establish healthy guidelines for your therapeutic separation, such as:
- Dates/times you both come together for "dates"
- Rules regarding sexual activity between the two of you
- Rules regarding seeing/dating other people
- Establishing boundaries, like calling before coming over, knocking- not letting yourself into the other's home, the handling of family events/celebrations, etc.
- Establishment of "check points" whereby you both consider the progress being made, or lack thereof, and during which you will agree upon continued therapeutic separation or ending the separation to move ahead with either divorce or re-establishing your marriage.
I hope this is of help. If I think of something more, I will pop back in!
Praying for wisdom and peace of mind for you!
For I know the plans I have made for you. Plans to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11