I go to Al Anon which is for the relitives or spouse of an alcoholic. It's too often confused as AA. Any way I've been taking risks and telling I was molested and letting people know when I am scared of them. I'm risking making mistakes and seeing that I don't get jumped on. I'm confronting things that make me scared, people. Thie first time I told to a meeting of 30 people I was scared the rest of the day and trying to figure out what people thought of me, worst case sceanario. But the next day I had no fear, no body shame, did not care what people thought of me. I'm finding exposure theripy works.
Confronting old tapes: I'm not crying to manipulate you, I am not lying about my abuse to get attension or cause trouble. I'm not a bad person, people will reject me, and the world is not a safe place. I am sticking my neck out, risking, and finding I don't get jumped on. In my childhood I was blamed, told I was a liar, abandoned by my relitives as a liar, and told when I cry that Iwas just trying to make people feel sorry for me i.e. manipulate. Imagine that a child in pain and crying and parents tell you your just trying to make people feel sorry for you. My crying today happens when I don't want to cry. So I should not feel quilty when I cry. Confronting my programing lets me see even more how whacked my parents were.
I have ptsd. Social security believs me, victims of crime believes I have it and also belives me when I say I was molested. That is new to me as no relitives ever believed me. But I called victims of crime and they believed me right when I said it without proff or me trying to convince them. I get my theripiy paid for from them. So unusual to be beleived right from the start, to the point of them spending money to help me. Should I not been beleved by relitives and had them help me? I'm not a liar and people don't think I would lie about this. Sucha different world new and strange.
Edited by little big man (02/28/12 06:37 PM)