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#387624 - 02/28/12 12:50 PM My Anger
Letourski Offline


Registered: 03/15/08
Posts: 302
Loc: Canada
I started therapy last week and told my story in detail for really the first time. I expressed my feelings the way I have wanted to and described what took place. I shrunk into my seat, avoided eye contact,fiddled with my hands, and struggled to find the words. I felt so incredibly small, and vulnerable.

I was angry last night. Angry that anything remotely sexual with an actual human being triggers seemingly endless anxiety. Angry that I am still confused about my sexuality. I had an emotional outburst, and I did so by myself. I screamed out loud while sitting on my couch, and it came out so raw that tears soon followed.

I put the blame back where it belonged, and for the first time I am angry with him. Angry for what he did to me, that he took advantage of me, that he told me that's what friends do, that he offered me a choice to stop even though I was not equipped to make the decision. I yelled at the top of my lungs until my voice gave way. I have never felt this angry before, at least not directed at James (his name). I spoke as if he was right in front of me. I was very emotional. Even now, there are tears behind my eyes. I took all that rage and used it against the punching bag hanging in my basement. I vowed to myself looking in the mirror that I will build my body so that nobody could ever again hurt me. It feels like the right way to deal with my vulnerability as a man.

I don't feel the intense anger I was feeling yesterday. I do still feel emotionally fragile. Like people can see through me. I didn't know these angry places existed in me. I do now.

Heal well brothers.

_________________________
I am the warrior.

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#387625 - 02/28/12 01:23 PM Re: My Anger [Re: Letourski]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1953
Letourski

You must feel great to get it out--I know when I first told the story I was scared, shaking, nausea and sick, crying but once I got it out I felt better. I only told the story but you went further and push the blame where it belonged--not you but the abuser--excellent. Keep healing


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#387628 - 02/28/12 01:38 PM Re: My Anger [Re: KMCINVA]
Jim1104 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/16/11
Posts: 410
Loc: Louisiana, USA
I am so glad for you. Great job.

_________________________
Jim
Male/USA

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#387661 - 02/28/12 06:33 PM Re: My Anger [Re: Jim1104]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3674
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Good work, man!!! You rock!

_________________________
"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself... And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." - Paulo Coelho


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#387689 - 02/28/12 08:54 PM Re: My Anger [Re: Letourski]
Forexpreneur Offline


Registered: 02/08/12
Posts: 141
Loc: Uranus (hell no not yours. lol...
Very awesome progress brother!!!!!

I am very happy for you. I have plenty of work to do on that in my life, but one step at a time for me.

Heal well Brother. smile

Alex


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#387691 - 02/28/12 09:02 PM Re: My Anger [Re: Forexpreneur]
Letourski Offline


Registered: 03/15/08
Posts: 302
Loc: Canada
Thanks for the encouragement gents!

_________________________
I am the warrior.

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