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#387623 - 02/28/12 12:05 PM csa and keeping one person as a safe partner?
romancub1 Offline


Registered: 01/31/12
Posts: 19
I have a question for married men that have acted out with men. Is it common for csa men to "keep one" person sexually because they feel there "safe" or do they usually have multiple encounters with men? Also I have been with one guy for 2.5/3 years now and we do everything sexual.I am a csa survivor(but gay I think) and am comfortable with the sex part but have problems of guilt about 4-5 hours after orgasm. The guy I am with has an orgasm and says things like that was "awesome" then is more open with conversation with me. We also kiss(french) for quite awhile. I feel the guy is a heterosexual man who was abused and is acting but I am wondering is kissing and the "awesome" after orgasm is a sign he is hetero or bi/gay in denial?


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#387630 - 02/28/12 01:45 PM Re: csa and keeping one person as a safe partner? [Re: romancub1]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Welcome to MS. Don't beat yourself up; being Gay is fine. I'm not but have met and worked with gay men over the years. They'd say both of you are gay. No offense. The guilt: do you like it? Is it satisfying? Do you see yourself with a woman that isn't just a lie? If the answers were, yes, yes, no, stop caring what people think. If you're happy, that's all that matters. Peace.

_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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#387632 - 02/28/12 01:53 PM Re: csa and keeping one person as a safe partner? [Re: phoenix321]
Jim1104 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/16/11
Posts: 410
Loc: Louisiana, USA
I really do not think it matters. Even if you are concerned about a really long term relationship, nothing is certain these days. I would not concern myself with it so much.

_________________________
Jim
Male/USA

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#387635 - 02/28/12 02:08 PM Re: csa and keeping one person as a safe partner? [Re: phoenix321]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1491
Originally Posted By: phoenix321
...stop caring what people think. If you're happy, that's all that matters. Peace.

Hey, Phoenix, would you consider it a copyright infringement if I chiseled this on my tombstone?

It's the perfect epithet. The opposite is to live the life you imagine others want you to live. I have yet to hear of anyone who did that and truly lived either a happy life or a successful life.

_________________________
Eirik




Click my pic to see why I'm here

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#387639 - 02/28/12 02:50 PM Re: csa and keeping one person as a safe partner? [Re: Chase Eric]
romancub1 Offline


Registered: 01/31/12
Posts: 19
It does bother me immensley. You talk about "triggers". He brought me over 2 of his childrens houses for sex and we had sex in his grandkids bedrooms. Did not bother me at first but it totally triggered a hatred in me because of my csa. I am trying to detremine =(for myself in my mind) if he is either a csa survivor which will lessen my anger or he is bi/gay watever and just a complete idiot. My circumstances are different. I have done this twice before to my other relationships because of some "trigger" about safety for the wife or inner child or watever it is. My relationships only revolve aroung married men who have attributes of my father and like a good little boy i guess i tell my mother about how he is hurting her. Its kinda like if you knew one of your parents were cheating and puting the other at risk


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#387640 - 02/28/12 02:50 PM Re: csa and keeping one person as a safe partner? [Re: romancub1]
romancub1 Offline


Registered: 01/31/12
Posts: 19
would you be honest with yourself and tell them.


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#387641 - 02/28/12 03:00 PM Re: csa and keeping one person as a safe partner? [Re: romancub1]
romancub1 Offline


Registered: 01/31/12
Posts: 19
As far as being happy.I am not. I identifiy as gay mostly because I work as a bartender in a gay bar and its easier to relate. Although I have sexual dreams of having sex with women and wake up hard? I also get turned on by performing oral(both).I like to submissive with men when i reallly get depressed too. I having topping issues with both men and women,men I useviagra to perform. I feel whats the point in getting in a relationship with a women if I can sattisfy her i fear she will know i am weird or fucked up so i dont. I also have drinking, drug and mutilation(cutting) issues since about 15.


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#387648 - 02/28/12 04:11 PM Re: csa and keeping one person as a safe partner? [Re: romancub1]
Jim1104 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/16/11
Posts: 410
Loc: Louisiana, USA
Have you the ability to talk to a therapist of a support group where you live. Might help immensely.

_________________________
Jim
Male/USA

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#387730 - 02/29/12 04:43 AM Re: csa and keeping one person as a safe partner? [Re: Jim1104]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3621
Loc: South-East Europe
Hi Roman,
it is great that you've finally revel your true story and identity.
I must say that you've given couple of us big headache by some of your early threads/comments. I was concerned for you and I've read all your threads even some that have been removed. There is no need to be distrustful, shy or whatsoever, people here would always give the best to help you and give some advice wink.
Please keep going further in that direction and share as much as possible.
Personal problems that you've had now are connected to your past and issues that have been left after CSA. So my advice to you is to in first place look more into yourself and your healing. Afterward you'll be able to understand better your current problems with intimacy, relationships, drugs, alcohol and their broader connection and meaning for your life. All answers are in you, not somewhere outside, seems like paradox but believe me it is like that with many of us.

Again Welcome to MS!

Pero

_________________________
My story

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