it is great that you've finally revel your true story and identity.
I must say that you've given couple of us big headache by some of your early threads/comments. I was concerned for you and I've read all your threads even some that have been removed. There is no need to be distrustful, shy or whatsoever, people here would always give the best to help you and give some advice
Please keep going further in that direction and share as much as possible.
Personal problems that you've had now are connected to your past and issues that have been left after CSA. So my advice to you is to in first place look more into yourself and your healing. Afterward you'll be able to understand better your current problems with intimacy, relationships, drugs, alcohol and their broader connection and meaning for your life. All answers are in you, not somewhere outside, seems like paradox but believe me it is like that with many of us.
Again Welcome to MS!