Newest Members
DougieB, sethpeterson, R Ellis, SailingAway, Kitty6
12320 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
iwishicared (41), Scott Oliver (53), TutDaVinci (32)
Who's Online
6 registered (pattom, md4e, 4 invisible), 18 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12320 Members
74 Forums
63370 Topics
443127 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#387449 - 02/26/12 11:40 PM better than
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
One of the "thoughts" I am having tonight is: Others are "better than" me. I know my brothers in recovery (especially in our local group) have stated they have this same thought inside themselves toward others. I have some brothers in recovery who believe others are better than them. I know some brothers who believe they are better than others.

In my body, my mind and my soul I know I internalized the message as a child. I know I learned the message from others telling me I was no good, bad or ugly. I have learned I am replacing my own dad. My body took in this message from the others abusing my body and in my physical location to other men. I have abused my body - myself.

For me, recovery is about changing this message. Recovery is about how I "show-up" today in the lives of others. I had to decide to NOT listen to the messages of hurt and pain. I had to decide to change my associations with others. I have the utmost respect for EVERYONE.

The one message that is the hardest to eradicate or change is this one "better than". It is the hardest because it is a message that causes deep separation between people. It causes deep isolation for the person who is experiencing this message.

Is "better than" a belief or a thought? Does this message actually change or do we just adjust it? What are your thoughts about this phrase "better than"?

Avery

_________________________
aka DJsport

Top
#387456 - 02/27/12 12:16 AM Re: better than [Re: Avery46]
ALIVE 3n1 Offline


Registered: 12/24/11
Posts: 76
Loc: Throne Room of God
I think the root of the idea of being "better than" lies in the insecurity of who the person is in their own heart. Man is a wonderful liar, whether it is to himself or others. A person who is making a judgment on another is really not concerned with the other person. They are pushing the other down in their own mind to inflate themselves. The more people that they get to go along with this artificial inflation the better they feel about themselves. This selfishness is just another false front to avoid facing the real person in the mirror. Smoke and mirrors can hide who the real person is. Honesty with who you are is one of the biggest hurdles. Once you are honest with yourself, the identification of the problems becomes so much easier. Chasing symptoms is very time consuming and delays the healing process.

If this helps, good. If it doesn't, pass it by.


Top
#387492 - 02/27/12 09:01 AM Re: better than [Re: ALIVE 3n1]
Casmir213 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/09
Posts: 845
Loc: Northeast, USA
Avery,

I agree with you about the belief/thought that others are better than me is responsible for so much isolation from others. It makes perfect sense too. Perhaps it's a belief that gets instilled in us when and after we are abused as children. It also didn't help me growing up in an alcoholic family. I think the more and more things that cause isolation from others the more and more we'll believe that we are less than others. It just seems to be a companion to shame. Alive makes good sense in that the more we accept ourselves (being honest about who we are) the less we'll want to hide from others. It seems to me that this would decrease the shame and isolation that we feel. The kicker (if you will) is that in order to accept ourselves we really have to be accepted by others first. Self-acceptance is a derivative of social acceptance. We can't heal in isolation.

Casmir

_________________________
I see recovery as a lifelong journey rather than a final destination, a journey, though, which can have many successes along the way.

WoR Alumnus - Hope Springs, OH, October 2009

My avatar is the farmhouse at the Hope Spring, OH WoR. It's a nice place.

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.