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#387261 - 02/25/12 08:07 PM Newbie first day here
tohui Offline


Registered: 02/25/12
Posts: 15
Loc: N Las Vegas NV
Ok so i dont talk about my personal life with anybody, today was totally new terretory for me. I placed a general post on the introduction part then I started to look around amd OMG!! Here I am thinking it was only me that there is no way anyone else could have possibly gone through this. I am so sorry for what all of you have gone through I would never wish it on anybody. Now as I read I have questions on top of questions and then more questions for the questions Im asking, I cannot control my head, it's spinning! I never spoke with anyone and I accepted what happened it has shaped who I am and honestly I have no Idea who that is now, memories and feelings are comming out and I dont know how to unscramble them all. Thank you all who have posted their stories here. It make me sad to know that I am not alone and at the same time relief to know someone understands.


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#387269 - 02/25/12 09:00 PM Re: Newbie first day here [Re: tohui]
nevragan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/22/08
Posts: 907
Loc: NC
Welcome Tohui,
Take your time as this stuff is not easy to deal with. Look around and give yourself breaks from it so your not overwhelmed. I was in your shoes when I first got here also. It will get better with work and time. You are among a great crew here. Welcome home and I'm sorry for all that happened to you but you found the right place to start healing. Be kind to yourself in the process. If you have any questions, we are here to help out so don't hesitate.


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#387278 - 02/25/12 09:57 PM Re: Newbie first day here [Re: nevragan]
Jim1104 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/16/11
Posts: 407
Loc: Louisiana, USA
Welcome once again. You have finally found a home with guys, and their supporters (some men, some women), who care only about your healing.

_________________________
Jim
Male/USA

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#387308 - 02/26/12 03:38 AM Re: Newbie first day here [Re: Jim1104]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3301
Loc: back in the USA
Tohui -
you are among friends...
We understand!
Lee

_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#387309 - 02/26/12 04:25 AM Re: Newbie first day here [Re: tohui]
1lifenow Offline


Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 392
Loc: west coast

welcome bro
your words are well thought out and from the heart. Thats all you can ask of yourself.

This is a brilliant place to start the journay. Just know its part of the process. It's NOT enuf. You need to find a T or group that can help, that has experience in dealing with issues and emotions that are specific to us.

The empathy you will feel here is second to none. The biggest thing you will find is that patterns and ideas that you always thought were just part of you are keeping you from being the real you.

Originally Posted By: tohui
Here I am thinking it was only me that there is no way anyone else could have possibly gone through this. I am so sorry for what all of you have gone through I would never wish it on anybody.


Keep working and your head will slow down, the intrusive thoughts just a din and the real little boy so buried in guilt, anguish and soul peeling shame will emerge so much stronger than you ever imagined. You're a tough fuck. we all are.

Grant

_________________________
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

WoR Barrie 2011

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#387317 - 02/26/12 06:08 AM Re: Newbie first day here [Re: 1lifenow]
mike13 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 419
Loc: California USA
Tohui as you can clearly see you are not alone and we are here to help. Just let us know what we can do to help you. Mike


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#387385 - 02/26/12 03:48 PM Re: Newbie first day here [Re: mike13]
tohui Offline


Registered: 02/25/12
Posts: 15
Loc: N Las Vegas NV
Thank you all I'm still not sure what I'm looking for or what I need. I'm extremely confused right now and I'm trying not to be my head hurts from all this thinking and my heart aches. As soon as I fugure out a few thing I'll be sure to ask for the help. Thank you al very much!


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#387389 - 02/26/12 04:13 PM Re: Newbie first day here [Re: tohui]
brother2none Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/30/09
Posts: 262
Loc: Undisclosed
Red flag... "As soon as I figure out some things ill ask for help." That did not work for me, not then not now still. In fact I continue to not ask for help 9 times out of 10. Now that you are here on ms, experiment with asking for help. I will try to help you and as you see many others have and will help you. Welcome.


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#387393 - 02/26/12 05:22 PM Re: Newbie first day here [Re: tohui]
Forexpreneur Offline


Registered: 02/08/12
Posts: 141
Loc: Uranus (hell no not yours. lol...
Welcome tohui. The feeling that you are alone is so typical for us males and we all know what you are going through to one degree or another.

You will find this to be a very safe place to vent and share during your healing process brother. Don't hold back at all, let the crap out and heal yourself. There is very little that offends us here, and even then, it is your RIGHT to voice your anger or beliefs about things that have happened to you and how it has shaped your life.

Best wishes on your healing journey brother. I'm glad you found this board. Too many don't, and there are far more of us than I think any of us could have imagined. We do have a voice now and have found a place where others do understand, because all though what happened to us and how it has shaped our lives is different for each of us, we all have major themes in common.

Alex



Edited by Forexpreneur (02/26/12 05:23 PM)

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#387394 - 02/26/12 05:30 PM Re: Newbie first day here [Re: brother2none]
tohui Offline


Registered: 02/25/12
Posts: 15
Loc: N Las Vegas NV
Thank I would love to ask a question I just don't exactly know what. I know the how's and the why's I just don't know how much it has affected me, how much of my personality is me or what has been imposed on me. How I treat myself why do I try myself this way, and why do I treat other a certain way? I guess what I'm trying to say is I want to know more facts before I ask them. Am I talking crazy here? Thanks to someone named Sam I now know I'm a Hipersensitive or highly sensitive something like that. Anyways now I'm reading up on that at least now I know why I can't keep a relationship. I scare of the girls and why I have to test them to be positively sure they are right for me by then they get tired of me. Hey it's a start. Thanks guys!


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#387396 - 02/26/12 05:38 PM Re: Newbie first day here [Re: Forexpreneur]
tohui Offline


Registered: 02/25/12
Posts: 15
Loc: N Las Vegas NV
Thank you Alex,
The thing is I have no anger is that wrong? Or could it be bottled up deep inside right along with the rest of my emotions? You know when I'm around people y feel nothing. I know who's in pain, who is nervous who is going through hard times who just needs help and usually I go out of my way to help. But there is no connection there is no gee I wonder what those people are doing today. Is this natural?


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#387399 - 02/26/12 06:05 PM Re: Newbie first day here [Re: tohui]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1540
tohui

welcome and sorry you have been through so much. I did not have anger--so I thought--it was buried with the child and my other emotions. As I went through therapy I learned there was anger--I was angry with myself and not directing it at my abuser. I had shame and blamed myself for allowing it to happen. So I must have been the cause so I was angry at myself. I learned it was not may fault, I was a child and eventually I found the anger and have directed it toward the abuser. I am healing and as I let go of the anger directed at myself I am connecting with the part I long buried or disowned--the place where the pain was. So this may be what you are experiencing.


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#387741 - 02/29/12 06:28 AM Re: Newbie first day here [Re: tohui]
Forexpreneur Offline


Registered: 02/08/12
Posts: 141
Loc: Uranus (hell no not yours. lol...
Sorry for not getting back to you sooner tohui. As far as not having anger, chances are it's just bottled up. We were taught in many different ways to not tell, sometimes to not feel, etc. We all are affected in different ways.

I know I have anger and I know there is violence inside of me. Thankfully I have never hit a partner or friend, and I'm not a jerk. Nor am I an angry person very often. But the anger is there and it does come out in my writing and some of the music I listen to. Even my T brought that up to me in the last session. She noticed a couple of themes we haven't discussed in session and she said, Alex you have a lot of anger and you even use the word "angry" quite a bit.

For me tohui, I am AFRAID of anger. For me, like too many of us, anger= abuse, pain, terror, etc. It has lead to a long history of depression for me. I was recently officially diagnosed with PTSD and after studying it and asking my T about it, I've had it most of my life and never even knew it. But tohui, depression usually is anger turned inwards.

I hope this helps brother. Feel free to write back or even PM me if you would like. Heal well brother. wink


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#387749 - 02/29/12 08:25 AM Re: Newbie first day here [Re: Forexpreneur]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2572
Quote:
I accepted what happened it has shaped who I am


Well Tohui, you're ahead of the game at least with that realization right there. SO SO Many guys I've talked to who have abusive things in their past operate under the statement that "That was a long time ago, it doesn't effect me anymore...". I don't disagree or argue with them, but I know better. Many times I can see the effects oozing out in every decision they make, but I can't force them to see it. It's work they have to do themselves and their still in denial about it all.

I'm hypersensitive too. I've actually found it to be an asset. I know who's being honest, who's lying, who's just embellishing their story to make it sound better. Yes I can tell when someone is hurting and what have you. Many times though I have no clue what to do to help or even if I should.

I'd say take your time in all this, but I know better. Most when they get here rush through this maddening race to get it all figured out. That's fine, I did it too. There will come a time when suddenly it feels like all time has stopped, the pain, and anger, it'll all suddenly be there. I can't say be ready for it, because nothing can prepare you. Just know, that when that moment arrives, we'll all be here for you.

"We few, we happy few, we band of brothers. For he today that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother;"

We are a band. I wounded, surviving band. Together we'll stand, helping one another along.

To healing!


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#387782 - 02/29/12 02:05 PM Re: Newbie first day here [Re: JustScott]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
I know that my molestation thru childhood has contributed to my anger issues, rage, being very sensitive to words or criticism. I played sports non stop to try and prove I was better than I felt. I tried to overdo every task an looked for words of praise to build me up. All of this was done because the little bot in me was feeling like he was less than a person and different. Now I know it was my molestors fault for subjecting me to the pain and agony for the most part. It is easy for me to just say it is all their fault but I don't want it to seem that way. I take full responsibility for my actions but now I know why I acted those ways and won't repeat them. Best of luck to you and I wish you the eat.

_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

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