Had dinner with my family and my mother, note I did not include her as my family.

My oldest daughter was withdrawn from every word that came out of Martha's ( My Mom) mouth.

I asked my daughter later, if I had done something to make her dislike being around grandma.

She told me no, she had scene how Grandma is so negative and she feels bad for her, but knows that she can not change how Grandma feels.

I am proud of my daughter, sad that she does not have a better grandma but that is something I can not change.

I am glad for my wife's mother and for my Dad they are both good Grandparents!

My mom was very confusing

She would viciously attack me "SEE WHAT YOU DID TO ME?" pointing to the scar where I was born

And then bake me a sweet cake the next day and cry if I did not want to eat it.

She would shame me for being a boy "BAD BOY" "YOURE JUST TRYING TO PUT ME TO AN EARLY GRAVE" and then she would cuddle me and stroke my hair

She would get depressed when I pulled away from her, laying weight on my shoulders "ILL KILL MYSELF AND THEN YOULL HAVE TO LIVE WITH IT"

She would break into a storm of self pity, crying and sobbing everywhere

As a child she would lock me out of the house. She would play games with food. And I have several memories where she abused me by defecating on my face.

I taught my mom yoga and helped her to find more peace with herself.

Two years ago out of the blue, she called me a pedophile. When I confronted her about it, she wiggled and weaseled her way out of it. Then she shamed me, twisted me.

When I confronted her and my dad about dad's sexual abuse of me from when I was 6-12, she told me I fantasize about sex with my father and that it's all because of the 'fags' in my life and how I made it all up to get money from them.

The woman who raised me, my mom, and the man who raised me, my dad, they are very sick people. Strangely, there sickness is mixed with their attempts to love (and control) me.

It is devastating.

I am changing my name.

Exactly what has been on my mind lately. A name change.

My mother learned from me. She violated me at a young age, and then she stopped, and adapted to my development. She learned to sublimate her incestuous seduction over time, through typical over-protectiveness. Thwarting my independence under the guise of caring. And it worked. She threw the bone of the cliff, and this loyal dog jumped after it. She is intelligent. And evil.

She deserves to be murdered. Luckily she's a fat diabetic cow with a weak heart. She'll murder herself soon enough. Oh how I regret having called an ambulance when she had her first heart attack. The world could have been a slightly better place if I wouldn't have tried so hard to save her. Nobody would have known. We would have had another little secret, heh.

One of the things that has really helped me deal with all this is adopting a different attitude. All of us will have highly evolved protectionary/survival instincts. I have adopted a mindset that if I give in, if I let that portion of my life continue to affect me then she wins. It has been of tremendous help and I am getting much better at dealing with all the emotions. Its not all roses though, it gets incredibly difficult and unbearingly devastating at times...but those times seem to become fewer and fewer

Hey Guys, Im joe. My Mother, my father abd my brother all sexually abused me. I have no clue who I am anymore sexually. I have acted out with girls only and I am attracted to guys that show me innocence and emotion. My father abused me when I was 5..I dont remember the age when my brother and mother abused me. Its all confusing. I was married for 7 years and my wife found out I cheated on her with other women in the past and also when my abuse came out so did my homosexual feelings...is it my real self or from the abuse from my dad? who fucking knows anymore...im so tired of all this shit...Ill just settle on A sexual and masturbate forever. Fuck it

Michael, First, Happy Birthday, even though it was March 17th. Second, I know exactly how you feel. My mother was my primary abuser and I know she also abused at least one of my nephews (her grandson). Not all grandmas are about cake and hugs!

My mom's 88. Frail, forgetful, not long for this world. She's still in denial about what she did (even though she told me all I ever needed to know about it) -- and I am terribly angry at her to this day.

Objectively, you could say, Angry at what? At something that can hardly walk anymore, can't remember what she had for lunch.

Mom stole my life from me. She stole my sexuality, and how I've reclaimed that has been a long, twisted story. She stole almost all my trust of other people and gave me a totally wrong view of the motives of nearly everybody else in the world.

Please do everything you can to find safety for yourself and for those you love. None is going to come from the abuser. Stay safe!

Adam

I don't believe in mothers, they're just women. I don't hold mothers up on pedestals and look at all my friends starting to have kids and think 'she will be loving, nurturing, and protective.' Mothers aren't holy just because a baby came out of them or somehow found its way in to their arms. I can't believe that any mother lives up to the standard people 'accept' to be true. someone says that's just me being bitter. maybe.

If my mom hadn't directly abused me, which she did, she would've knowingly let her husband abuse me, which she did. Everyone I know who's been abused, has a mother who knew and let it happen. Or suspected and did nothing. My grandma knew and never saved me. Of course she let my mother and aunt be abused for years too.

It has taken me several months to come back. I was in a "bad" spot when I wrote this.

I have come to "accept" my mom abused me. I have experienced a life of turmoil. I left a good wife and kids 20+ years ago believing I did NOT deserve a good woman. I want to know what a healthy mother is all about. I no longer want to be "out there". I do NOT want the memories to rule my world anymore. I have intense mixed feelings of deep sadness (missing her - we have not spoken in nearly 2 years) and deep anger). I need to be rid of these feelings.

I hurt for the pain we have all endured.

Avery

Michael,

Are we related? Similar story, different mother!
I am very sorry to hear of your pain. Just keep going!!!
Like you, I was under the impression that a "Mother" was the only person you can really trust. What a fuc---- lie. I am 57, married 33 years, 3 children. Spent 2 years in therapy learning just how insane I was. Spent the next 13 years in therapy trying to heal. That was sixteen years ago and my journey continues.. I can say that I have not been happier than I currently am, HOWEVER I will always be hurting and healing cause its a process without end. Again good luck!

" Only a few mothers were so wicked" Sorry but alot of us had wicked females in our lives. My mother, her mother and my fathers mother raped me with objects in the kitchen sink and other locals. So how old was I when I would fit in the kitchen sink. My mothe was the first woman I went down on. I only know this because the first time i was a with a woman and did this sex act, I knew Id done this before and intuitivly knew it was my mother. One grandma apologiesed for the bad things she did to me shortly before she died. Whickh valdated I was not making things up. So but only a few mothers are wicked? Not my in my experence!