Hey Artistandvictum :),
don't be like that. There is nothing wrong with you, no matter if you are gay, straight, Klingon or Betazoid, that has nothing to do with anything. I would personally like the most if you were Betazoid (they are mega empathic humanoid beings who can sense thoughts and emotions of others) but no one is perfect !
Please make comments and discuss more, you can't trigger any one just because you are what you are.
If some talks are difficult here don't bother and look for other. I don't know what is source of puritan look on the world for some American friends but there are a lot of open minded people here. At least I strongly believe it otherwise I'll be somewhere else this very moment .
Same goes for some on going discussions where some of friends survivors from Anglo-Saxon point of view need to clarify everything and make it black or white no matter on theme. World is much more complex organic place which usually doesn't fit to our views. And we are all same fragile human beings who need some healing, understanding, support and love. We all are completely same inside!!!
So you have my compassion, I can see that you are extremely kind and sensitive person. Those are finest qualities of people from my planet, are you sure that you are not Betazoid like me ?

Pero

Well the issue is that you associate your sexual desires with negative image about yourself. So you have to somehow address these negative views that you have about yourself on first place and separate them from pure sexual pleasure.
In mine eyes there is nothing bad to like rough sex but you have to be careful, there is huge difference between bad sex and really good (and rough) sex which is enjoyable to both partners, those are two worlds apart. So you just have to look for guys that are smart enough sexually and aroused by idea of giving pleasure to submissive partner. I know that it sounds easy but there are many such guys with a bit luck you can have good rough sex but also nice guy to bond with on many other different levels.
I hope your health is now ok, it is terrible what that moron did to you.