Newest Members
jahfree, Daryl X., tryintothrive, BCtejas, JHNebraska
12494 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
mrwhiskers (25), SouthernLaw (41), TerryT (61)
Who's Online
5 registered (jahfree, genedebs, Anura, Drummer, 1 invisible), 26 Guests and 15 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12494 Members
74 Forums
64160 Topics
447746 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 7 of 10 < 1 2 ... 5 6 7 8 9 10 >
Topic Options
#386910 - 02/23/12 09:14 AM Re: I'm attracted to preteens [Re: Daniel_forgotten]
alone Offline


Registered: 03/05/09
Posts: 55
.



Edited by alone (03/12/12 08:51 AM)
Edit Reason: n/a

Top
#386916 - 02/23/12 10:05 AM Re: I'm attracted to preteens [Re: alone]
Dar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/15/11
Posts: 170
Loc: Missouri
I have been following this since the start and I am very new to this sort of topic. So if I sound a little off beat, I am sorry.

I have worried and now have grave concerns about DH.

Has anyone else noticed that DH has all but dissapaered since his last post on the 19th?

Has anyone else thought that maybe DH has already acted out on his thoughts and might be looking for answers as to WHY.

Has anyone else noticed that DH tends to go into hiding from MS for longs periods of time after posting. Like 1 to 2 months at a time. Where does he go?

Call me crazy (and many have) but I feel that there is more to this than just his thoughts.

These are just my feelings guys.

DH if your out there speak up please.

_________________________
All I ever wanted was a hug.

Top
#386928 - 02/23/12 12:12 PM Re: I'm attracted to preteens [Re: alone]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Originally Posted By: alone
I wasn't this way before 12 years old. I wasn't born with it. Yes, "just thoughts" are there that I detest. I would never harm a child. In 2010, I considered just ending everything just to get away from the "just thoughts". Obviously, I'm here and now understand that that was not the way to go. By the definition posted in this thread of a pedophile, I do not and will not believe that I fit that profile.

Alone, I believe you. I believe you. I believe you. You were NOT born this way. You are not... Alone. Please don't end everything.

By "just thoughts"... I'm just trying to make room for opening up about all this, so that, in the language of the DSM that's suddenly so important now, we can try to show how "severely impacts your life" can be reduced, and even made "not severe impact at all". I've done that with my abuse "stuff" (admittedly not an "attraction to children") but I think it works similarly. Opening up and talking about it is key to getting started. But labeling people a pedophile stops that cold. Duh!!! Indeed, DH seems to be long gone. Maybe not. DarkHadou? Please come back and talk to us... As I said, I sincerely think you can change a lot of this in your life, but you need a safe place to talk it all out at length.

Daniel forgotten said some things that have been important to me and I think other survivors I heard talk about this too (though rarely because it's so difficult):

Originally Posted By: Daniel_forgotten
i have the impression the reason this post is so controversial is that more than one here have dealt with this issue at some point in their lives.

Agree very much.

Originally Posted By: Daniel_forgotten
However, when i'm with a woman I feel I am abusing her (I have never remotely forced any woman, it just feels that way)

Me too. I had this going on with my last girlfriend for about 6 months. It's partly the thoughts .vs. behavior thing. Past .vs. present, typical PTSD confusion. I kept asking her if I was hurting her... Too many times, because she finally said with a pained look, "You're really quite respectful! Ok??? I think I'd let you know if you were hurting me." So I've gotten good at tolerating the thoughts of "Am I hurting her?" if that shows up, and trusting instead my perception of myself (I indeed AM quite respectful) and different from the abuse, if someone doesn't like what I'm doing, they can say so, and I will stop it immediately. No danger at all. Indeed, that makes a lot of room for fun and pleasure.

Originally Posted By: Daniel_forgotten

And this is a hard confession to make, I also have some issues with children. I can't say it is attraction and it isn't even about the child itself. It's some form of ... reflection of myself at that age. I still find extremely arousing the idea of my dad and me when I was younger than 10. .......Sometimes when I see a little boy I see myself reflected and feel that kind of .. attraction? it is not attraction but i will use that word for lack of a better one.

Yeah. A lot of men have this going on I think, but the "knee jerk reaction" prevails over and over. And shuts this down cold. That really isn't helpful.

So I'm left to wonder... just what is going on here for him? I want him to... Slow it down and look at it, study it, carefully. What is "attraction" anyway? Is it "attraction" now? Or memory of "attraction" in the past? Or both? Can he separate and distinguish them? What is sexual? Is it the erotic feelings and unavoidable male arousal that comes from an abusive sexual situation? Or a present moment urge? And then, no matter what is going on, no matter what thoughts he has, can he make good choices about how to act? Lots to consider there but... I've learned to know and trust, it's not a problem for me. I'm safe. In me. With others. I won't hurt anyone.

I think growing up, a boy has something like 10 years to explore and practice all this. Hidden, silent abuse and unavailable, neglectful adults made this impossible at the time for me. Our culture is way too silent about sex and abuse (different things!), and full of various "knee jerk reactions" when it's not silent.

I just wish we could make learning and healing possible, whatever age it happens at, and not keep doing the same old abusive stuff over and over. Enough Penn States.

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

Top
#386972 - 02/23/12 07:59 PM Re: I'm attracted to preteens [Re: Dar]
Survivinguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/09
Posts: 310
Loc: Colorado
I had every intention of avoiding a post on this thread and it pains me that I'm contributing to the thread staying active but a couple things have bothered me to the point that I can't ignore it.

The whole line about having pervasive, continuous thoughts about something makes you into something just reeks of the mob mentality/generalization approach. If someone has pervasive fantasies over a long period of time about killing someone, does that make them a psychopath? Does that make them a murderer? Careful how you answer because I imagine it's a safe bet that a good many survivors have fantasized of harming or killing their abusers.

The other comment that I found disconcerting I quote here:

Originally Posted By: Dar
I have worried and now have grave concerns about DH.


I am staying in the mindset that the post was of genuine concern for a fellow survivor and not intended to accuse DH of being a perpetrator. The list of reasons for concern (ie: disappears for months at a time, hasn't posted in a couple days) are characteristic of most MS members with exception of moderators who check in daily. We need to be careful in our posts and replies - if a post were perceived as particularly accusatory, it could result in unintended harm. If you believe there is a reason for special outreach - perhaps a PM (private message) to the member would be more appropriate.

Heal well,

_________________________
Survivinguy

============================================
I have to survive and I hope to thrive.

Alumni Dahlonega WoR May 2010
Alumni Sequoia WoR March 2012

Top
#386973 - 02/23/12 08:21 PM Re: I'm attracted to preteens [Re: Survivinguy]
limit Offline


Registered: 04/23/11
Posts: 131
Quote:
If someone has pervasive fantasies over a long period of time about killing someone, does that make them a psychopath?


look up the diagnostic criteria for psychopath. a psychopath is different than a murderer. why is everybody confusing all of this crap? a pedophile is different than a child rapist. ugdfhgsfdlkgjdfg.

you do realize that these definitions don't do anything except help the cause, right? and that all of this defensive bs is being onslaughted against people who are ON YOUR SIDE. UGH.

and yes, i agree about DH. that is a ridiculous assumption. i take breaks from the forum for months. the forum is an online website that deals with sensitive shit. of course people take breaks and if i had posted this thread i'd probably take a fucking break too because of all the people whining about how "wrong" and "controversial" it is.


Top
#386974 - 02/23/12 08:22 PM Re: I'm attracted to preteens [Re: limit]
limit Offline


Registered: 04/23/11
Posts: 131
pedophile and psychopath are not MORAL JUDGMENTS. RHEGDHSGKLSFJSDFOSIGHSDOG. HAVING A THOUGHT DOES NOT MAKE YOU A PERSON WHO COMMITS THE ACTIONS OF THOSE THOUGHTS. YES. THERE ARE DISORDERS CLASSIFIED PURELY BY INTRUSIVE DEVIANT THOUGHTS. laugh



Edited by limit (02/23/12 08:28 PM)

Top
#386975 - 02/23/12 08:25 PM Re: I'm attracted to preteens [Re: limit]
limit Offline


Registered: 04/23/11
Posts: 131
just so you know, the main diagnostic criteria for PTSD also includes INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT TRAUMA. ugh FFS!!!!! THINKING =/= ACTING!!!!!! CAN I GET THAT IN A BIG NEON SIGN??? maybe i'll get a tattoo. lol.


Top
#386985 - 02/23/12 10:04 PM Re: I'm attracted to preteens [Re: Survivinguy]
Dar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/15/11
Posts: 170
Loc: Missouri
Survivinguy,
Yes I am very concerned about DH, I dont always articulate the best when using a key board for my meanings. Sorry about that.

I beleive that DH is in need of help and might just be crying out for it in the only way he knows how to or can.

It is just that DH started a couple of threads and then vanished, does concern me. It woulld be no differant than if a friend asked you for help (that being MS forums) and then when you tried to help them............... There gone. Where did the friend go? Are they in trouble and need help?

I am simply worried as I would hope someone would be for me if I vanished.

Blessings

_________________________
All I ever wanted was a hug.

Top
#386996 - 02/23/12 10:59 PM Re: I'm attracted to preteens [Re: Dar]
Jim1104 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/16/11
Posts: 410
Loc: Louisiana, USA
I have had the same concern as you about Dh, Dar.

_________________________
Jim
Male/USA

Top
#387003 - 02/23/12 11:36 PM Re: I'm attracted to preteens [Re: Jim1104]
alone Offline


Registered: 03/05/09
Posts: 55





Edited by alone (03/12/12 08:49 AM)
Edit Reason: n/a

Top
Page 7 of 10 < 1 2 ... 5 6 7 8 9 10 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.