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#387151 - 02/24/12 11:57 PM I am an Mum and I am new Here
ALovingMum Offline


Registered: 02/24/12
Posts: 34
Loc: England
Hello Everyone,

I am new here. I hope I am in the right place somehow. I am a female and a mother of a sexually abused child. I have 2 very young and beautiful sons - their father, my then husband was abusing my older son right under my nose! Why and how I didn't see it perplexes and kills me till this day. I find it hard to forgive myself for not knowing and not saving my son from the trauma - he was only 3 years old when he told me using his very age-appropriate language to describe age-inappropriate unwanted encounters. He loved his father, but he abused his trust and took away his innocence!

But what I blame myself for the most which eats at me and keeps me awake all night, nearly every night for the last 2 years + is that I reported the abuse to the authorities. Social services and the police carried out a wishy-washy 'investigation' and at the end concluded that he had sexually abused our son and closed the case. He took me and the children to family court and for the last 2 years - I have spent my life's savings and borrowed and have now become bankrupt paying lawyers and so-called experts to try and save my children. Their abuser is relentless in accessing his victim so that he can silence him! Yet no one will step up, no one will support or help my children! Everyone says he did it, but they all walk away! He admitted some of it, but then had excuses for every violation of our son, his own flesh and blood.

The final hearing in family court is coming up soon, and the judge does not care about the evidence. They have tried to imprison me by going as far as framing me for contempt of court! They have now threatened me with reversing the custody of my children to their paedophile father, if I do not obey their court orders! I handed my son over, and when he returned from the enforced visit with his father, my little angel was almost running mental - he began to run and hide in corners of the house, disclosing sexual abuse; at night he had nightmares and by the next day he started soiling himself! He is 5.5 years old needing to go back into diapers! I cried out for help, the people I cried out to framed me that I must have abused my son and reported me to Social services on top of my on-going problems! Social services interviewed my son and they were shocked at his disclosure of abuse by his father and not by me - they informed the court to stop forcing the child. The minute they court reporter became aware, she took me to court 2 days before Christmas to reinstate the enforced visits! What am I supposed to do? If I take my children and run, they will arrest for child abduction, if I hand them over, they will be raped and worse! So what do I do??? I have cried rivers! There seems to be no way out for my little babies! I cry even as I type this post - PLEASE SOMEBODY HELP ME PLEASE!

How can this be happening? How can this be right? Why do children not have a right to life and safety anymore?

Is there anyone who can help me please?

I am worn out, terrified and crushed! But as long as I live I will never stand for the abuse of my children - but what can I do no to stop it? I blame myself for telling the authorities who did nothing to prosecute the abuser! He had help, no doctor would examine my son when the police asked them to because the perp is a doctor. They deceived the police, did not tell the police they will not assist, they helped him buy time until my son's anus had healed then they declined to examine him. By the time the police realised what had happened it was too late - 4 weeks later they found a doctor in a different city to examine my child, he said he could find no evidence as too much time had elapsed! Thus the police had no hard evidence except my son's clear disclosures, de>
_________________________
Daily I worry for the safety of my young sons - but worry achieves nothing! So I pray for their safety!

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#387155 - 02/25/12 12:26 AM Re: I am an Mum and I am new Here [Re: ALovingMum]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3599
Loc: South-East Europe
Dear Loving mum,
my hearth is breaking as I'm reading about you and your children situation. I'm furious to know that this kind of things are happening in 21 century.
Please don't take huge blame on yourself for what happened; you have to save your energy for this on going battle for your little angels.
I don't have answer how to help you but I'm sure people at Family and Friends part of discussion board could have it. Maybe you should post this same thread there. I know that there are mothers in same position who could give you some good advices. I hope that there is some common sense left in this world and that you will win this court battle. No way that abusive father should get any possibility for unsecured contact with children, who were molested by him.
I'm crying while I write this; I can just say that you have my full support. You are great and very brave mum. Please hold your nerves till this final decision is made and try to get some sleep; you need all your strength left...
You and your sons are in my prayers.
Pero

_________________________
My story

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#387156 - 02/25/12 12:38 AM Re: I am an Mum and I am new Here [Re: ALovingMum]
herowannabe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/01/11
Posts: 386
Loc: USA
(((Alovingmum)))

I am crushed by your post. What you and your babies are living through is inexcusable. I can't fathom why the authorities are so cruelly turning a blind eye.

I am in the USA, so I have no idea how the system works in England. Regardless, here are my feeble attempts at some ideas for you to consider:

- Is there an authority over the police and judicial system whom you can turn to for help? Someone who needs your vote to remain in their elected office might help you?

- Can you stir up public support by contacting the news media with this? Certainly, public outrage would put pressure on the judicial system to do their job and protect your child?

- Can you appeal to your ex's superior at his place of employment in an effort to enlist their support for you?

- Can you contact the physician's board with this information in an effort to have his medical license pulled? Surely, he is a danger to others, too. And maybe if you begin to attack his professional world he will begin to cooperate with you?

- Is it possible for you to hire a private detective to videotape the goings on while your ex has custody of your boy?

- When your boy returns home to you, and is so obviously in distress, isn't there another medical emergency center you can take him to where they will exam and treat him and document their findings without intimidation of your ex being a doctor? Don't they have to alert the police in cases of child abuse?

I wish I could just reach across the planet and pluck you all to safety. Since I can't physically do that, I will send up my prayers for the Lord to send His angels to surround and protect you!

Blessings, sweet soul...! Please let us know how things develop for you.

herowannabe

P.S. You might consider posting this in the Friends and Family forum as many more eyes will see it there and will offer their ideas, too!

_________________________


For I know the plans I have made for you. Plans to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11


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#387159 - 02/25/12 12:53 AM Re: I am an Mum and I am new Here [Re: herowannabe]
men_of_hrts.dbw Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/09
Posts: 301
Loc: Orchidland Big Island Hawaii
Dear Mum,
Absolutely the worst nightmare.

If you don't get info here I suggest www.aftersilence.org where many of the 36,000 menbers are from the UK

That site, l found it very healthy, has a Secondary Survivor forum with many UK and EU resorces and support.

I hope you and your sons get the proper justice deserved.

Hang in, chin up.
Sincerely,
Doug/Survivor of Adult Sexual Assault (1)



Edited by men_of_hrts.dbw (02/25/12 12:57 AM)
Edit Reason: Add Info
_________________________
Doug>ASA Survivor (1x)
ECV 6001/MaTuCa Chapter 1849
E Clampus Vitus
"What Say the Brethren"
"Hang the Bastards"

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#387160 - 02/25/12 12:54 AM Re: I am an Mum and I am new Here [Re: herowannabe]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3599
Loc: South-East Europe
Dear ALovingMum,
I didn't catch your location, thanks Herowannabe! Fortunately I have link for a support group in England.
Please contact them; I'm sure that they can offer some help for you and your kids:
http://www.amsosa.com/
here is link with contacts:
http://www.amsosa.com/mail.htm

Pero

_________________________
My story

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#387161 - 02/25/12 12:55 AM Re: I am an Mum and I am new Here [Re: herowannabe]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
(((Alovingmum)))

(I hope that's ok... that's how we send hugs.)

I'm stunned. I hope you can find some help through here.

My thoughts go out to you.

Allan

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

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#387171 - 02/25/12 03:01 AM Re: I am an Mum and I am new Here [Re: LandOfShadow]
ALovingMum Offline


Registered: 02/24/12
Posts: 34
Loc: England
Thank you so much everyone for your response - I hear you Peroperic - I know I need to rest, but I just can't sleep - sometimes I am awake for up to 36 hours at a go, like now. That happens when I am having a bad time and crying a lot. But I try to make sure my sons don't see me cry. I will repost in F&F as suggested.

I will check out the support group in the UK as well. Thank you so much everyone.

@Herowannabe - thank you so much for your response and your prayers. To answer your questions, I have just pasted them below:

- Is there an authority over the police and judicial system whom you can turn to for help?

That would be the Independent Police Complaint Commission (IPCC). They hardly ever go against their officers - it is run by the police. I have also being advised not complain against them as they have volunteered to attend the family court hearing (out of guilt for their failure), but they are not obliged to do so. So if I complain, they may just decided not to attend! Which will make matters worse!

Someone who needs your vote to remain in their elected office might help you?

That would be the Member of Parliament for my area - I have done that twice in the 2 different counties I have lived in and subsequently fled to - nothing came of it. They tell you that the judiciary is independent and cannot be interfered with and that they are just politicians! Others will say it is a family matter, they cannot interfere!

- Can you stir up public support by contacting the news media with this?

That would be the fastest way to end up in jail! It is called contempt of court - in the UK we are judged secretly in secret courts where no one is allowed in to observe or to report on what is going on in these so-called kangaroo proceedings! UK press will not cover these travesties and miscarriages of justice suffered by abused children and their moms! Google - Vicky Haigh - she tried it - she is now in jail, her investigator also jailed for posting this to the internet. She even fled the UK to Ireland, they got her in the end! Her sexually molested daughter is now in the care of her molester - her Daddy!


Certainly, public outrage would put pressure on the judicial system to do their job and protect your child? Like I posted, it is all done in the secret. When they are done, and they take away the children, they brand the mother with something called 'Parental Alienation Syndrome' a bogus psychiatric disorder that was invented by a Dr. Richard A. Gardner a US child psychiatrist who became vile, destroyed a lot of US children and children across the globe who were unfortunate to be born to paedophiles and abusers. Gardner caused untold hardship to children by helping their paedophile father gain sole custody and their mother barred from the children's lives till they reached 18, by which time many will have been severely and routinely abused with their protective! mothers removed from the picture, and all the difficulties that results, and some committed suicide. In his life time, he made a lot of paedophilic statements that made his university distance themselves from him. Eventually he took his own life! His bogus work has been completely discredited, yet it is used in the UK by every paedophile father to gain custody of their victims! It horrific but true! I am at my wits end.

{Moderator Note: Richard A. Gardner should not be confused with Richard Gartner, the latter having helped many a survivor.]

- Can you appeal to your ex's superior at his place of employment in an effort to enlist their support for you?

I have done that (two of his superiors in fact), they did not respond to me - however, they suspended him immediately but on full pay and do not allow him to touch patients because the excuse he gave the police did not stack up medically amongst his medical professional colleagues. Everybody knows and says he did it, but no one will help.

- Can you contact the physician's board with this information in an effort to have his medical license pulled?

I did that, they told me that they will need my permission to disclose the letter I sent to them in confidence to my ex so that he will answer the questions himself! The police, social services and his employers informed the General Medical Council (the pull ranks for and cover their own), I was surprised that I was never told he was being investigated and neither was I consulted even though the subject of the investigation is my minor so! I do not believe they spoke with police, social services or my son's nursery school teachers - they claimed that they investigated him and have cleared his licence!

Surely, he is a danger to others, too. And maybe if you begin to attack his professional world he will begin to cooperate with you?

He feels invincible - in the UK paedophile fathers ROCK! They rape their child, Social services and police tell the wife to leave the paedo - if she doesn't she will lose the children to foster care and finally adoption, if she does leave the paedo on their advise the paedo takes her to court, deny the abuse and frame her with Parental Alienation syndrome.The judge rule he is innocent and then gives custody to the man and labels the woman the emotional abuser of the sexually abused child for 'coaching' the child to make such evil false allegations! The child is shut up and sent to the house of rape to be raped over and over again until s/he is 16 or commits suicide! In the UK we have a high teenage suicide rate - these are never properly investigated either and a high rate of child killers (parents) during or after custody battles surrounding child abuse. It is a nightmare!

- Is it possible for you to hire a private detective to videotape the goings on while your ex has custody of your boy?

No Private investigator will be able to gain access into a private residence without breaking the law! He or she will be charged with breaking and entering or invasion of privacy. Sexual abuse is a very private crime, as you know! An investigator was sent to prison for 9 months and ordered to pay £5000 when she tried to make public details of a case similar to mine.

- When your boy returns home to you, and is so obviously in distress, isn't there another medical emergency center you can take him to where they will exam and treat him and document their findings without intimidation of your ex being a doctor? Don't they have to alert the police in cases of child abuse?

They are the Child and Adolescent Mental Health service of the NHS. My family doctor was very concerned about my son and made referral to them, you have to wait months to get you first appointment - then they refused to help. Later they accepted he needed help, then the court appointed officer had a meeting with them which I was barred from and must have lied to them that my son was not abused - these health professionals dumped my son and refused to assist us! When he started defecating on himself, I called my support worker to witness what was happening to my son - rather than support me, she launched her own investigation against me making a false and malicious referral to social services that I may have defecated and state it is my son, or that I locked my son in the room and prevented him from using the toilet hence he did the poop in his bedroom! How twisted? How do you explain the nightmares, the rage, the anger, bedwetting and the disclosures! I have had a rough experience!

AGAIN THANKS EVERYONE - GOD BLESS!



Edited by ModTeam (02/27/12 06:39 AM)
Edit Reason: Clarification regarding Richard A. Gardner versus Richard Gartner
_________________________
Daily I worry for the safety of my young sons - but worry achieves nothing! So I pray for their safety!

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#387186 - 02/25/12 08:14 AM Re: I am an Mum and I am new Here [Re: ALovingMum]
Jim1104 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/16/11
Posts: 407
Loc: Louisiana, USA
You are in my prayers

_________________________
Jim
Male/USA

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#387206 - 02/25/12 11:44 AM Re: I am an Mum and I am new Here [Re: Jim1104]
herowannabe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/01/11
Posts: 386
Loc: USA
O...M...G...!

I am speechless. I guess Hell does exist, and you are living there with your babies.

I'm so deeply sorry. I pray the resources the others gave you will be of help.

You and your sweet littles ones will remain in my prayers. I don't know what else I can do for you, except to offer you our home, should you somehow be able to flee the country with your children. We have plenty of room and will protect you to the best of our ability. If that is a remote possibility, send me a PM and I will move the planets to provide you with safe shelter!

...I'm at a loss...

One last thing, maybe this is a ridiculous thought, but can you contact the Royal family for help? Wills and Kate seem to be "real" people of the 21st century. Possible???
herowannabe

_________________________


For I know the plans I have made for you. Plans to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11


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#387209 - 02/25/12 11:50 AM Re: I am an Mum and I am new Here [Re: Jim1104]
GoodHope Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/05/11
Posts: 413
Furious! My blood is boiling. It's rare for children to tell and when they do, the very least they should get from society is protection. What I am about to say is probably unhelpful but I see nothing morally wrong with fleeing the country. I know legally it's not an option. I can't imagine your anguish. I wish I could be helpful.

_________________________
Wife of a survivor

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