I'm a transguy (assigned female at birth) who is a survivor of sexual assault (from when I was a teenager and a young adult) and a survivor of an abusive relationship. I've been on and off this site for years,I was never out as trans though... But I see some transguys have posted on here, so it made me feel like I could do it too. I've got a lot I need to process that I never really have... I try in little bits but for the most part I tend to leave it all alone... which I don't think is healthy. Back in 2008 I went to 'take back the night' which is always all women, which is awkward... I spoke out there and since then I've been able to admit I'm a survivor, and been working on just admitting more in my life... but it isn't really enough, I still don't know how to deal with anything productively, I just block it all out, cold, like I'm not there... I'm not me, it's some other theoretical life that I didn't really live... but I did.

I just got out of a long term relationship with my partner who cheated on me so I left him. I donno our relationship was working it's way to an end in some ways, but it didn't have to end like it did... so that's been really hard. He was the first person in a long, long time I've really been able to connect with. Now it's over, and that's life. This weekend I was hit by some bombshells, running into previous abusers, having to talk to people... all at once, like wtf? When it rains it pours, huh?

just looking for some folks to talk to... I donno its like I'm only in the mood to talk about these things every now and then, so maybe if people reply I won't know what to do. Every time I think I could or should take an opportunity to talk about it, I never know what to do... I can't really talk about things out loud, though I get explosive spurts of one or two words sometimes, like I'm desperate to talk but still can't. I hate all of this, but I'm more together with myself than I've ever been, I try to take good care of myself. I just... I don't know how to keep this up, I want to make this better, even just a little bit... so I'm reaching out.
thanks.

Meset,

I am not transgender, so I won't be able to understand all of your issues. But I'm glad that you are talking to us. You said before that speaking out helped you; I think it can help you now. Please don't feel ashamed for discussing your problems on this site; that is what it's for. And for all you know, you are helping someone with similar problems here, though he/she may be too embarrassed to say so.

So keep talking, my friend. Hopefully, someone here has some answers for you.

Bobcat

Welcome Meset,

We share more in common that we realize, trans or cis, so I encourage you to take a few deep breaths and accept that we are all survivors together.

-efm

Hi, my fraternal brother Meset.

Welcome to MS. Here you will receive compassion, understanding & love, from your brothers (fraternal) & friends (in pain).

We all have been there. We have been into the depths of our soul & hell too.

We will hear your cries. We will help in your fears & share in your tears.

Be prepared for the emotional roller coaster ride of your life. You already are experiencing that.

If you are like me, here I feel that I am home.
Here is where I am understood, and accepted for who & what I am.

You will be too. We are here for you 24/7/365. Things are a bit slow here due to the summer months.

We have a GBTQ healing circle, usually on a Sunday evening. But, it's on a summer break.

My fraternal brother, Meset, wishing you well in healing. You are on your way.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity." As he is me.

Pete..Irishmoose.

hello Mesete

I aplaued your courage in comeing out trans, and for comeing here for help. It was real difficult for me to accept every thing to, i'm not trans, i'm gay, but I hope you won't hold that aginst me. We may not understand every thing, that your going threw, but there is enough brotherly love to spread around for you man.

Love Tom

meset,

It is a real pleasure to meet you here and I too would like to welcome you to MS. I hope other trans guys will visit here and decide to stay after seeing the introduction you posted.


Daryl

I am new here, and also a trans man. I'm 37 and just beginning trauma recovery therapy. Glad to have found this thread.