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#386697 - 02/21/12 02:56 PM Asked him to leave
keepcalm Offline


Registered: 12/10/11
Posts: 10
I asked my husband to leave last week after discovering a Valentine's Day card for the "other woman." My heart is broken but I can not longer carry the burden of what his abuse has done to us and to our relationship. I know he still loves me and is sorry but I have to protect my heart. He is a compulsive liar, born out of the horrible things that were done to him as a small boy. However, this does not justify his actions. He still made conscious decisions and they have consequences.

Our therapist encourages him to work only on himself right now - he has no room to be in any kind of relationship. I am going to focus on healing and on moving forward. Thank you for listening - trying to stay strong.


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#386703 - 02/21/12 03:09 PM Re: Asked him to leave [Re: keepcalm]
GoodHope Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/05/11
Posts: 417
I'm so sorry. I think many supporters know that what you are experiencing is a very real possibility. It does not make it hurt less so my heart is broken w you. I hope you both can heal but if only one of you can, it may as well be you.

_________________________
Wife of a survivor

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#386705 - 02/21/12 03:15 PM Re: Asked him to leave [Re: keepcalm]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1736
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Hi KC

Sorry that you have had to resort to this. Im sure that it is extremely painful to you.
I really pray that you and the H will both be able to heal and move on from this.
At the end of the day it is more important to have two whole people rather than one or two broken people.

I trust that you will also work on your well being.

Heal well
Martin

_________________________
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

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#386717 - 02/21/12 03:55 PM Re: Asked him to leave [Re: GoodHope]
Gretta Offline


Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 239
I am also very sorry and I feel your broken heart. However I commend you for loving yourself enough to know that you deserve more. Stay Strong! I hope he heals his wounds.

My husband is and was the best liar ever. It's scary. So I understand what it is like to live with a skillful liar. Hopefully he will get his act together and come back to you, but in the meantime take care of yourself.


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#386722 - 02/21/12 04:46 PM Re: Asked him to leave [Re: Gretta]
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 726
Loc: NJ
From experience, putting your foot down is painful but absolutely required. If you don't have limits, he certainly will not operate within them. I know exactly how you are feeling at this very moment and it is horrible, unexplainable.

Please feel free to private message me if you want someone to talk to who has been in your position. I am here.


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#386724 - 02/21/12 05:27 PM Re: Asked him to leave [Re: Esposa]
Jim1104 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/16/11
Posts: 410
Loc: Louisiana, USA
I am so sorry that you had to do this, but you did the right thing.

Jim

_________________________
Jim
Male/USA

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#386725 - 02/21/12 05:28 PM Re: Asked him to leave [Re: Esposa]
Disappointed Offline


Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 540
Loc: U.S.A.
Dear Gretta,

It simply isn't possible your husband is and was the best liar ever, because my friend has that title.

All joking aside, it's amazing how talented these men are at that.

D.

_________________________
Female.

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#386736 - 02/21/12 07:26 PM Re: Asked him to leave [Re: Disappointed]
keepcalm Offline


Registered: 12/10/11
Posts: 10
I have no regrets about my decision. The other option was to continue living with lies, ultimately destroying any chance for happiness for either of us. I also have two daughters who need to understand the importance of honesty and trust.

I love him very much but I'm not sure how to rebuild trust moving forward. This would be much easier if I despised him but unfortunately, that is not the case.


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#386738 - 02/21/12 08:19 PM Re: Asked him to leave [Re: keepcalm]
herowannabe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/01/11
Posts: 386
Loc: USA
Quote:
I love him very much but I'm not sure how to rebuild trust moving forward. This would be much easier if I despised him but unfortunately, that is not the case.


(((Keepcalm)))

That you don't despise him is a testament to your good heart and soul!

You've done the right (but hard) thing. You have children to consider, and you have made their well being a priority. Thank God for that, because it seems their father is not yet capable of making them a priority.

What a difficult position you are in, but you're a great mom, and your love for them coupled with your compassion for your husband's troubles will keep you on firm foundation. The healthy boundaries you've set will not only keep you and your babies safe from being pulled into insanity, they may be the very thing that motivates your husband to commit to recovery.

Keep Calm and Keep Posting!

Sending you an 'atta girl"!
herowannabe

_________________________


For I know the plans I have made for you. Plans to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11


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#386741 - 02/21/12 08:26 PM Re: Asked him to leave [Re: keepcalm]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: keepcalm
....I am going to focus on healing and on moving forward....


I applaud you for making this decision for you and your daughters. It does not matter what the reasons are behind his actions.

After many years later, I can "see" why my ex-wife made the decision she made.

Honesty, integrity, love and compassion are central to a marriage.

Bravo to you for making this decision.

Peace,
Avery

_________________________
aka DJsport

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