I love him very much but I'm not sure how to rebuild trust moving forward. This would be much easier if I despised him but unfortunately, that is not the case.
That you don't despise him is a testament to your good heart and soul!
You've done the right (but hard) thing. You have children to consider, and you have made their well being a priority. Thank God for that, because it seems their father is not yet capable of making them a priority.
What a difficult position you are in, but you're a great mom, and your love for them coupled with your compassion for your husband's troubles will keep you on firm foundation. The healthy boundaries you've set will not only keep you and your babies safe from being pulled into insanity, they may be the very thing that motivates your husband to commit to recovery.
Keep Calm and Keep Posting!
Sending you an 'atta girl"!