I have heard a few guys during the 5 years, I have been in recovery say they deserved it. When it comes down to disecting the "events" or asking oneself if they intended to be raped or violated, I believe 99% of the time, the survivors of such a traumatic event would say "I did not intend for the act to be so violent and NOT be able to stop it".
My belief is "sex" needs to be consensual. A former friend of mine believed I wanted to have sex because I was NOT saying stop. He has had sex with hundreds of people who have never said stop so he thinks all people who get naked want sex from him. Lots of people might agree with him. When I brought up the subject of intent he said he thought I was NOT ok with it. He admitted to me that he only thinks others are ok with sex since they do not say no even if he does not want sex.
I write the above as an example of others who might have been in the room with you. You might still be saying "I deserved it". I can't speak for you, but, I ask you to listen to your heart. Does your heart say I truly consented to the "rape?" Your body may be still shut down at this time.
I never told anybody I was raped as an adult until 20 years later. I even left college in horror.