Newest Members
TheGreatWhat, MyNameIsPaul, serenity38, vivo, Laurie
12485 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
era1 (31), GregoryP (50), GregoryParcell (50), junior (54), KDW78 (36), nansogre (48)
Who's Online
5 registered (Banjo596, 4 invisible), 28 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12485 Members
74 Forums
64147 Topics
447571 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 2 of 3 < 1 2 3 >
Topic Options
#38656 - 05/07/01 05:42 AM Re: Trying to understand the abuser
Broken Offline
Member

Registered: 03/25/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Huntingtun Beach, CA, US
even child molesters are human. Nobody can say that in thier darkest moments they have never thought about doing something horrible. How horrible is usually just how much suffering they have seen and felt. If you judge them as monsters instead of humans who made a mistake, your just creating a cycle of hatred and abuse. Do you think child abusers actually want to hurt anyone? Most don't. Even the really twisted ones that do shouldn't be treated like that, because your only bringing more pain into the world, and your proving them right. You have every right to be angry, but anger will not stop the pain, it won't put an end to the sickness. Some people i believe society can not tolerate to keep alive, and should be given a quick, mercifull death. Others should be punished, but more importantly, they should attone for what they have done, they should try and change. How are they going to do that if the world sees them as monsters?


Top
#38657 - 05/09/01 10:27 AM Re: Trying to understand the abuser
thunderbolt Offline
Member

Registered: 04/21/01
Posts: 119
Loc: mi
we kill monsters, dont you watch tv, read or leasten to what is around you,why is the sky blue,why is the grass green,why are some heads round? here is some more shit to ask or maybe we sould all become nonbeleavers and not ask what gift is this that god has given me that only i know, what the freedom of choice is,feels and looks like when it is taken away, if the bastards choose to fuck me then i will choose to express what the twisted form lieing torn and bloodied in udder waste is,,, me and they are monsters.


Top
#38658 - 05/11/01 07:48 AM Re: Trying to understand the abuser
Anonymous
Unregistered


If a person was abused, then he should know the pain this causes. If anything, that should make him go out of his way to avoid being an abuser.

A history of abuse may be cited as a reason but it is no excuse.


Top
#38659 - 05/11/01 11:01 AM Re: Trying to understand the abuser
diamondheart Offline
Member

Registered: 02/25/01
Posts: 157
Loc: Michigan
You know I dont know if well will ever understand or know why???? I don't think it will make the pain easier??? I'm sure most have been abused themselves. But here is what I think on the issue, I was molested but I never molested anyone!!! So I believe even at an early age you know right and wrong, so I don't believe the excuse of I WAS MOLESTED TOO!! Maybe it comes from within, maybe some of us are stronger???

For years I pitied my abuser just because he was only a year older and I assumed that he was molested. I was totally discarding my feelings. I no longer pity him, he knew what he was doing, and IT WAS WRONG!!!

Anger and hate, these are normal emotions for survivors. We must all find resources and outlets for our angry. But they cant hurt other people. On easter i had a mental break down, i cried , i screamed and totally went nuts!!! Everyone thought I was going crazy, maybe I was at the time. But do you know that since then I havent felt better in my whole life. We all need to get his anger out. Whether its yelling outloud, crying or etc., as long as you let it go!!!!

I believe everyone has a right to have anger, and dont let anyone say you dont!! But we shouldnt hold on to it for real long, because it just festers into a hurricane like affect.

take care guys,
Derek
\:\)

_________________________
I am a gay guy just trying to find my way...

http://itismytimetoshine.wordpress.com

Top
#38660 - 05/11/01 12:35 PM Re: Trying to understand the abuser
thunderbolt Offline
Member

Registered: 04/21/01
Posts: 119
Loc: mi
well put derek and everyone else if i am to have a choice on how to express my anger and hate and the picture i paint will be of the distruction of my monsters and thats the way i want it.


Top
#38661 - 05/12/01 01:16 PM Re: Trying to understand the abuser
Anonymous
Unregistered


Crown444,
I'm surprised by the lack of understanding here. It sounds like the hate is eating you alive, which is a natural reaction to your pain and abuse, but is also something that is consuming you to the exclusion of you being able to become healthier. It seems your therapist is correct in knowing there needs to be some way to slow down the anger. Understanding is probably the best way. I don't have many answers for you. I do know that much in the same learning pattern as we've been shaped to feel shame and guilt about everything, abusers were usually taught at a young age to sexualize aberrantly. It's not right, but if we are going to be able to get better ourselves, we must be able to forgive those who hurt us. To do that, we must understand them.

Crown444, please know that I hear your anger and I understand how it consumes and not for a second do I blame you for it. I just want to see you stop hurting yourself.
Take care,
jeb


Top
#38662 - 05/13/01 01:06 AM Re: Trying to understand the abuser
Anonymous
Unregistered


Jeb,

Thank you so much for the your understanding and kindness. I read your message and it brought tears to my eyes. Don't worry, they were the good kind.

I am making progress, little by little. I am blessed with a wife who is standing right beside me. Her words are helping me a lot. God bless her soul. I made a promise to myself to dedicate my life for her.

And to the others, thank you for being who you are. Each one of you is a source of inspiration. Each one of you is an example of courage.

An here is a hug from me.

((((((((((( Harry, michael, humanforever, thunderbolt , Executioner1832, Broken, noveldoc, Derek, jeb ))))))))).


Top
#38663 - 05/13/01 10:27 AM Re: Trying to understand the abuser
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
Why is the wrong question. If you understand the other person's mind that is a dangerous place to be in my mind. I do not want to know, I do not want to be them. I want to be healty. The better question is what keeps me from being them.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

Top
#38664 - 05/26/01 11:19 PM Re: Trying to understand the abuser
Broken Offline
Member

Registered: 03/25/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Huntingtun Beach, CA, US
i never stated that abusers have done nothing wrong, that they don't deserved to be punished or your not entitled to feel angry. I am suggesting that there is more at stake than simply the wrong you have suffered, and that trying to understand your abusers is the only way to stop child abuse. You have an entire life ahead of you, and i don't think you want to spend it dwelling in anger and pain. Rage is it's own reason, because if you don't let it go, you will just keep getting more bitter, more angry, until you become exactely what you despise. A whole person is always more than just one action, one emotion. Child molesters usually want to stop. They usually want to confess. Many would kill themselves but they can't find the way. Some do. Does this sound like someone beyond hope?

Then, on the other hand, you have the "monsters". Just think about it. If you were molested since you were 3 years old, chained to a post and forced to kill animals to eat, would you believe that there was anything good in this world? Would you even understand what good was? Good to you might mean killing anything and everything you love because you don't want to see it in any more pain. These are only monsters in the sense that nobody took the time to try and show them what good and evil means.

The closest thing i can think of to a monster is someone who chooses evil. Hasn't anyone ever been tempted to do something wrong? What stopped you? Faith in something better? Whose to say you couldn't have made the decision to commit evil? Whose to say that you have never knowing commited an evil act no matter who little? Just because we do a bad thing, does that make us a bad person? If no, then who is to say that someone can't change, and that if given even a remote possibility of that happening, doesn't that person deserve a chance to change?

I also understand anger. For a while i thought about stalking down my brother and gutting him like a fish. I would imagine the blade piercing the flesh, ripping through his gut, and seeing a big pool of blood, and it made me feel some satisfaction. But after a while, i understood, if i did that, even if i didn't get caught, ESPECIALLY if i didn't get caught, i would never feel whole that way. It would just eat away at me for the rest of my life. A great wrong was commited against us all here, but if we can't find the strength to truly make ourselves at peace with what happened, then in the end the pain and anger win, and if your abuser is beyond redemption in this world, then they win too.

I don't think we could ever be so wretched that there is no redemtion, or anyone so righteous that they can't fall. If you can't chose between good and evil, then you really have no idea what either means.


Top
#38665 - 05/26/01 11:20 PM Re: Trying to understand the abuser
Broken Offline
Member

Registered: 03/25/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Huntingtun Beach, CA, US
i never stated that abusers have done nothing wrong, that they don't deserved to be punished or your not entitled to feel angry. I am suggesting that there is more at stake than simply the wrong you have suffered, and that trying to understand your abusers is the only way to stop child abuse. You have an entire life ahead of you, and i don't think you want to spend it dwelling in anger and pain. Rage is it's own reason, because if you don't let it go, you will just keep getting more bitter, more angry, until you become exactely what you despise. A whole person is always more than just one action, one emotion. Child molesters usually want to stop. They usually want to confess. Many would kill themselves but they can't find the way. Some do. Does this sound like someone beyond hope?

Then, on the other hand, you have the "monsters". Just think about it. If you were molested since you were 3 years old, chained to a post and forced to kill animals to eat, would you believe that there was anything good in this world? Would you even understand what good was? Good to you might mean killing anything and everything you love because you don't want to see it in any more pain. These are only monsters in the sense that nobody took the time to try and show them what good and evil means.

The closest thing i can think of to a monster is someone who chooses evil. Hasn't anyone ever been tempted to do something wrong? What stopped you? Faith in something better? Whose to say you couldn't have made the decision to commit evil? Whose to say that you have never knowing commited an evil act no matter who little? Just because we do a bad thing, does that make us a bad person? If no, then who is to say that someone can't change, and that if given even a remote possibility of that happening, doesn't that person deserve a chance to change?

I also understand anger. For a while i thought about stalking down my brother and gutting him like a fish. I would imagine the blade piercing the flesh, ripping through his gut, and seeing a big pool of blood, and it made me feel some satisfaction. But after a while, i understood, if i did that, even if i didn't get caught, ESPECIALLY if i didn't get caught, i would never feel whole that way. It would just eat away at me for the rest of my life. A great wrong was commited against us all here, but if we can't find the strength to truly make ourselves at peace with what happened, then in the end the pain and anger win, and if your abuser is beyond redemption in this world, then they win too.

I don't think we could ever be so wretched that there is no redemtion, or anyone so righteous that they can't fall. If you can't chose between good and evil, then you really have no idea what either means.


Top
Page 2 of 3 < 1 2 3 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.